Pau @ Old Greenhouse coffeeshop Jln Burma (night):A Halloween Tall Tale

Dear Edward ,

Thank god I didn't order their dimsum or I might not have lived to relate this tale to you.
I am a sucker for Pau.
Other than holding Jacobs well toned ones,I've had some pretty good yeast risen ones too,you know? What I would give during the witching hour when my hunger overtakes me, for those soft,hot,pillowy bites that you sink your fangs into and watch the squishy brown or black sauce spill over like the nicking that we do.
In Penang,laying your hands on the good thing is all about timing.If your timing is way off,then you have to contend with what little pathetic scraps left over.
It was someones recommendation for blood cakes from curry mee that led me here to this left over dump.Actually,that someone was you.Remember when you started to get some withdrawal symptoms (oh you bloody junkie you)that you fled out here with me in tow a couple of nights ago for a helping of blood cakes?yea...
Well,when I noticed that the Pau maker churned his wares out fresh onto huge bamboo steamers it made me sooo hot under the collar.I tossed and turned so many times in my coffin,I knew I just had to go back there and try it for myself.
So the other day,I crawled out of our crib/tomb and made my way by kereta sapu ,to this outlet.
I ordered a Big Pau,while the rest of the Zombie clan that had somehow latched onto the car and ended up hanging out with me, devoured some mini Char Siew,some mini Tau Sar and some Maikai.
At first I was quite puzzled as to why the Angel Of Death was hovering nearby snickering all night to himself.
My questions were soon answered.
The instant you chomp into the largest dumpling some toxic vapour due to the decomposition of the pork inside,will filter out and send you into a semi coma.
The Maikai is two toned,white and brown grained with a Toyol sized sausage circumsized and inserted atop the mound of glutinous sacrilige meant to prepare your body as a communication vessel for some Taoist ritual.
The mini paus look so cute but then sock you in the face with an instant candida infection coated with an overpowering scent of unsettled yeast.This is due to the fact that the Sifu is a freelancer that moves from place to place like a flour Casanova,believe it or not.
Darling,
I know we are already dead,but no harm trying right?
If it almost killed us....imagine....maybe we can recommend this place to the Volturi?

XOXO
Bella.
p.s. let's meet at Voodoo tonite

Halloween: Georgetown,Where not to park

If you don't believe that ghosts exists then the following story is not meant for you.

For those of you who are going to be living it up in Upper Penang Road this Halloween and have got no place left to park please heed the following.

Of late I have noticed many brave souls trampling grass in a place no Penangite in their right mind would go and rustle the wind.Add to that are what I call foolish for a new subject to shoot shutterbugs who come here to snap the majestic building even though they are fully aware of the history behind it.
I am talking about the Shih Chung building grounds just across the road from 32 at the Mansion restaurant.
For years talk of it being haunted has made its rounds,later someone tried to develop it but things came to a standstill.
Now horror to horrors,someone has turned it into an overnight parking lot for tour buses.Then,when revellers see tour buses there,they too begin to park their cars there.
What's so wrong with that you say?Well in the first place this building is associated with some pretty gruesome tortures during the Japanese occupation.The spooky goings on here have been so hard to shake off that after consulting a medium,someone actually brought in a BUS,had it parked OVERNIGHT before having the driver(unsuspecting I guess?)start the bus the next morning in order to DROP OFF its " INVISIBLE PASSENGERS" in the middle of a jungle hoping that those restless spirits could find a new place to latch onto and abandon their old resting place once and for all.

My point is this,don't look for trouble because after driving your car out from this place you probably won't be expecting to carpool or ferry 'passengers' right to the doorstep of the Belum Forest right?You will probably be heading right home or to the next petrol station.
Just what are you going to do if you are on the Penang Bridge when all of a sudden you see a couple of green coloured headless schoolchildren in your rear view mirror saying "Trick or Treat?" to you?Show them your Freddy Kruger mask and say "Happy Halloween?"
Nope didn't think you would be respond positively either.You'd probably be on Georgetown facebook with a picture of your car smashed up like a potato with tons of comments at the bottom speculating that you were either too drunk or too fast or too young or too furious.
So unless you are a punter out for that lucky strike, why be a free of charge Ah Mat the drebar for the lost wandering souls?
Be like us,don't number your days by parking there.If you really insist and don't believe in such hocus pocus you can always take up their offer of a season pass.

Blood Nest

Anyone remember the local scandal regarding the bird's nest delicacy? If you have no idea,the story goes like this.

There used to be a very famous shop selling bird's nest in the Pulau Tikus area.Because of the fact that they charged over the top prices,most customers assumed they were getting the princely pickings.It took a few discerning ones that had parted with thousands by then, to be able to spot and single out the fact that they had actually slotted in jelly instead of pure birds nest while processing the item.Angry customers poured back ,threats and shouting matches ensued.The shop closed down soon after when the rumour exploded.By then the owners had made a fortune.In its place today is a flower shop that looks like a semi jungle.

Coming back to this blood nest issue,if I am not wrong,I think it was early this year or the last that accusations of it being a scam surfaced.As expected the manufacturers and sellers adamantly maintained that it was safe for consumption.This article is the closure of yet another con job food item which these business people will viciously defend to the very end.I sincerely hope that nobody will be ever conned into purchasing this ever again.

The Star
Monday October 25, 2010

‘Blood nest’ makers ordered to cease ops

TWO local bird’s nest manufacturers have been ordered to cease operations for adding nitrates from artificial red colouring to produce “blood nest”, Chinese dailies reported.
Sin Chew Daily quoted Deputy Agriculture and Agro-based Industries Minister Chua Tee Yong as saying that their unethical practice was discovered after the ministry received complaints from China importers.
Chua said the “fake blood nest” can cause cancer and the ministry has started investigations.
He also told the daily in an interview that he had sent some of the “blood nest” in his home for testing.
He was shocked to receive a report saying that the “blood nest” given as a gift by his friends also contained nitrates.
Chua urged the public to be extra careful when purchasing “blood nest”.
“Consumers must smell the bird’s nest when they purchase the product.
“If it has a urine smell and the colour of the birds’ nest is very even, there must be something wrong,” he added.

Rubbish Pork From China?

I would like to think that this is mere mudslinging between 2 competitors like the bloggers war we have now.
Who ends up loosing?Us the diners again.
And the gall of these restaurant owners charging us premium local price for cheaper imported pork.Are they going to pass off the savings to us?
Again no.
This happened in Selangor but as we all know it doesn't take too long for Penang operators to start jumping in and snapping up the cheaper produce.
And dear Health Minister,you did know that we can smuggle in Banglas and Indons infested with diseases,guess you knew that already however it is not under your ministry.Right,right,we knew that too.
Just look at the state of our imported from China chickens in Penang today,some of it has skin that feels like a thick plastic bag.Something is not right somewhere.Even after frying the skin is leathery without much raised pores like our normal chicken skin and is absolutely inedible.Is the imported chicken safe for consumption or not?
And why do our eggs not beat well too?There is lots of yolk residue that cannot be dissolved by hand or machine power.Try frying an omelette,some white turns up in the middle spotting it so the omelette is not completely yellow.We did not have this problem when the farms sold eggs without dipping them in chemicals to remove all residues.
Why har why?(Please refer to the relevant chicken ministry)

update : Full article taken from The Sun 25th October
( some human beings like me have to work too you know,I not so free like those bloggers)

"Rubbish Pork"Claim Not True

Selangor and Federal territories Butchers Association president Lee Bing Fook has dismissed the  expose by Federation Of Livestock Farmers Association Of malaysia (FLFAM) pig unit chief Beh Kim Hee that some importers had brought in pork that is not fit for human consumption.
He described talk of the rubbish pork as childish.According to a report in Oriental Daily News yesterday,Lee said rubbish pork is a self directed episode meant to smear the pork importers because the local pork industry was hit by the opening up of the market.
Last week Beh showed proof of rubbish pork to the media after the Veterinary Services Department refuted his earlier claims and said they had now agreed to investigate.
In response Lee said,"It is common knowledge that imported pork goes through a very modern process of chilling and packaging.I believe importers are ethical in their dealings.They will not import some petrifying or expired meat"
He said the government has allowed pork to be imported from countries such as Denmark,New Zealand,Canada,Spain and the Netherlands because pork produced locally is unable to meet the demand.
"Some restaurants are sourcing pork direct from the importers at prices 20% to 30% lower than they used to pay for local pork.This has affected the business of pork sellers."
Meanwhile Health Minister Datuk Seri Liow Tiong Lai said with the strict monitoring by the ministry,consumers could rest assured that imported pork is safe for consumption Nanyang Siang Pau reported yesterday.
He said the issue of rubbish pork did not arise.

Bean Sprout Factory Razed In Fire

I think as a direct result of this ,when I went for my favourite kuay teow thng pak cham ke kampung chicken in georgetown area on Sunday morning,the taugey was not up to mark and also smelt mouldy

read the report taken from The Star 23rd October

Georgetown : A fire gutted a bean sprout processing factory off Jalan Tun sardon here yesterday causing damage estimated at more than RM300,000

The factory owner's son Tan Siew Keong,30,said two employees were in the factory when the fire broke out at about 12.30pm
The fire which could have been caused by a short circuit started from the kitchen
Also razed were 3 rooms attached to the factory which were used as a hostel for the workers and a storeroom.Packed bean sprouts worth about RM3,000 were also destroyed he said
Paya Terubong fire station chief Goh Thean Lai said they received a call at 12.32pm and arrived at the scene at 12.40pm
There was no fire hydrant so we had to use the water from their own tank to control the fire which was extinguished within 5 minutes

Wong Chau Jun @ Rangoon Road (morning to lunch)

Update :
It looks like World War 3 has started between the two sisters.Both look as if they are ever ready to push their respective caps down the others throat or smash the others face with their apron.
The nice fat one is now super nasty,always annoyed,bristling and frowning,never in a good mood.
The andartu has to watch her back.
What can you as a customer do?Just sit back and watch two tomboyish sisters silently glare at each other and act like the other just threw a durian onto their foot.
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This place is one of the few places in Penang (surprise!) which serves unfried fish without the fishy smell associated with less fresh sea produce(believe me there are plenty of establishments that dare to serve this here).The wise old man of the shop sits by his cashier table trying to keep the feng shui balance while his rippling Thor sized son scuttles in and out of the shop like a bee churning out soya bean by products and other muscle needed chores so that his father can rest easy.
No one else is going to tell you what I am about to tell you right now.I don't know why.
The old man has a taller bespectacled (what the malays call andartu type)slightly hunched daughter (another is shorter and fatter but much much nicer) that will not reveal if certain dishes have run out because she assumes that you would be desperate enough to take it as it is.No questions asked.
I hope the old man reads this one day.
Many customers have been too polite to tell her off.She is obviously not happy working there and hates the customers she has to take orders from since most times she's the trusted staff designated with this unglamorous responsibility.Even the old lady workers are not as stuck up and as judgemental as her.
I get the feeling since she looks so plain and frumpy,that women who take some pains to dress up or groom themselves femininely (unlike her) really get on her gall.And so for reasons best known to her,(maybe she is frustrated at having to clear tables too),she piles used cups and bowls together in such a way that the straw or spoon would flick out and bless the customers around her.Oh believe me,she knows what she just did.It's just her way of entertaining herself.Staining your silk dress makes her smile.
Many a time I have seen customers young and old who do not want to offend her,but have a great deal of respect for the old man,so dissapointed that their dishes did not come out as per their order,cautiously proceed to ask her(as if they were entering a porcupine's den) if the one that they wanted was available(they would readily order and pay extra for another).
Without batting an eyelid she would proceed to tell them as a matter of fact that she told them it was sold out already,as if she derives great satisfaction in hammering the message in to them.This is not true,because at the time that you place your order,she would jot it down without any hint of the dish being sold out.
How to know if she is going to screw up your order?When she starts asking nonsensical questions like "would you like some prawns to go with it?" if you specified that you wanted a certain ingredient that does not have anything to do with prawns.Then she would repeat the order in another way and if you are naive enough like us two lady diners (actually suckers cum victims),to believe that she understood what we wanted,you are dead wrong.When you question her,she will tell you that she told you earlier when she actually didn't.
She is inconsiderate unlike the old man,his son,his other daughter and workers.
Maybe it's the old man's way of punishing her (probably she is as lan see at home)but she takes it out on customers without him knowing it.If he is not careful,she will spell doom for all the hardwork he has poured into making this business of his a success.
I think the only way to get the message through to her is to be rude and curt.Make her repeat your order as if she were an imbecile.If she still insists on a screw up,just get up,voice your displeasure to the old man about her attitude,reject the dish,walk away without paying and let him settle it with her.

Red Garden @ Lebuh Leith (after 9.30pm)

update: I forgot to add that this paranormal activity happens mostly on Monday to Tuesday.Other times you can watch weird performances like Penang's plumpest hippo getai style singer doing aerobic workout (cos that's the only way she know how to dance), 60something skinny Aunty Barbie singer in miniskirt and fishnets gyrating like she's Rose Chan and other weird acts that you need to be drunk to enjoy.Also the bah kut teh smells better than it tastes cos the pork is NOT fresh and the Fish Head dish is one of the most cut throat on the island .
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If you are a pensioner or above 50 or someone that used to go 'wild' in bomchacha cabaret nightclubs like during or before the 50s era you will love this place.
If you are living with your grandparents and they go MIA after 9pm this is where you can find them temporarily and miraculously cured of their arthritis.
After 9.30pm,pockets of retired Penangites with itchy feet that are raring to hit the tiny dance floor amongst potted plants in front of the stage dressed in their most 'outrageous' outfits(in some countries some people call this behaviour eccentric) congregate in front of the stage area with wicked twinkling eyes.Sometimes if you are lucky you could spot a chinese Joan Jett dancing with a Blonde Haired chinese Colonel Sanders.
It is as if this was what they were waiting for all their lives.To feel the warm glow of the hot spotlight on their wrinkly epidermis,just waiting for the chance to break out of their old crab shells and don new skins for the night.They dance and they twirl like male and female cinderellas as if they were in a vienna ballroom while dressed in fashion picked off from chowrasta market oblivious to the giggles and stares of diners.

At this point if you are below 50 years old you will probably unintentionally burn all the meats on your thai charcoal grill if you ordered that,feel your eyes pop out of your sockets because you just cannot believe the guts of these old hags and bags out for a good time at the expense of the younger innocent undancing ones.
Or you would loose your appetite or giggle until you fall off your chair or gobble so fast,burning your throat just to get out of here quick.
Pick one.

The electrifying organist on stage drives you bonkers with music that blind men play on the streets to get donations from the public.This kind of music makes me wanna grind my teeth and clutch my fork in anticipation of cold blooded murder,it also has the capability to turn teenagers moody and tweens nuts.
After 9.30pm THIS is the mad hatters teehee party of georgetown.
What's the best thing to do at this kind of teehee party?
Just drink(LOTS) don't dine or you'll probably choke.

Hock Leong Yen Cafe CKT @ Lebuh China

First of all I can't believe that this is recommended by the visitpenang.gov.my website and thus is also featured on a tourist Penang Food Trail map scattered everywhere,meant for visitors to the state.

The place is so filthy it could contend for a "Penang's Dirtiest Eatery"trophy.Ask the proprietor to wipe your table and she will wipe only HALF of the table in protest.
I don't need to tell you that this coffeeshop resembles the sacred insides of a "ask for 4d number"spot,unwiped for fear of expelling decades of blessings from blessed souls that dare to pay homage just so they can eat here.

The CKT is typical olden days Georgetown CKT because of a raw fiery zing,almost zero oil(honestly I don't know how he does it),practically no salt,and one vinegratte seeham.
That's why after the rotound uncle takes an entire fifteen minutes to fry two plates,he happily dumps a bottle of soya sauce and pepper for you to further flavour it yourself.
The portion is big,the prawns are small but of better quality than most places.
Then when you decide to wash it down,you will unlodge grains of rice from between the crevices of your molars because he also sells fried rice.No that's not a bonus to me because I don't know how long it has been since he last fried rice.

Also beware of the fake dog lying lazily without a care in the world just outside the shop.It's actually a pig in disguise.He will stare at you from the corner of his one available eye(the other is resting on the cool floor) as if daring you to step on his tail or better still trip on his rolly polly sausageness.

Anson Road Famous Assam Laksa @ Kafe Lok Pin

Yes,I know,I know....I already gave advice in the tips section on how to choose where not to eat while in Penang.So how come I still wanna wander into this place and try out a stall with the word FAMOUS on it?Because I love assam laksa and it would take a lot of screw ups for me to condemn the dish.

Well,I wander in here,order a bowl and sit down.I look around me and the shop has certainly seen better days.The coffee shop style chairs are greasy even though I am sure they wipe it daily.The whole place looks as if the owners tried to copycat Old Town coffeeshop.
But due to eco friendly maintainence practices(I am quite sure they use minimal cleaning aids to wash up as far as possible),it ends up looking like a poorer cousin of that chain.
Turning towards the wall area behind me,I spot a laminated newspaper write up.I shake my head and am sure the dish is bound to be doomed.
Next I check out the owners and feel a chill cos they can barely muster a smile,they look so worn out with their shoulders hunched as if life has taken a toll on them.One of them is still in her pyjamas,this being lunchtime.
All of a sudden I think I might have discovered why.
I crane my head up to the ceiling and spotted to my surprise a disco ball.Maybe they party all night this Adams family.

At this point I pray hard for the dish to be good while wearing an upside down smile.
It is THAT contagious in here.
Spot a gaggle of first timers having nasi lemak that is presented in the Old Town style.Not that it is good but at that point I really wish I had ordered that instead.

My dish arrives.From one whiff I know,the fish is not fresh,so you get the stinky fishy aroma wafting out from the soup.Then on top of that the fish has been pounded and blended to look like the small lumpy insides of pork entrails for better digestion,so that's a major turn off.
Next the green kampung lettuce is limp and has been scorched by the soup because the owner must have been distracted by something.I start sifting through my pond of a soup(I call it pond bcos I think thats what pond water might taste like)like I am searching for gold futilely through the pile of morbid cucumbers plus sour pineapples that have been sloppily cut,topped off by one miserable fingernail clipping of a bunga kantan.
Alas when I look up from my excuse of a meal and shift my vision back to the gaggle of geeses at the next table,half of them have already abandoned the rice dish.
Wonder which of us suffered more,Me or them.

The Day I Asked VKeong To Go Fly Kite

update :
the idiocy of this entire conversation gets even worse on my "Penang Where Not To Eat" facebook discussion page when another blogger who at first pretends to be a mere reader,joins in the fray.
Please excuse me if I may sound like a moron at most parts of the conversation.Sometimes we need to speakatheirlinguistico just to hammer the message into them once and for all.
Moral of the story?
Every blogger thinks their readers are dumb cos deep down they know that nobody reads their stuff except for other bloggers.Actually they (proof )read each others stuff so they can steal ideas from one another which makes them not only liars but thieves too hence briefly explaining the uprising of the Uncivil War that they have got going on today in cyberspace.
If the readers can string two sentences together in reply, it must mean that they are smart....not just the normal smart set they must be abnormally smart bloggers,
normal readers are just too darned plain stupid or suffer from finger rigor mortis to care to argue back.
And just in case you didn't know already...I am not a blogger.
This is a public service from me to other diners.
And to all you bloggers out there whom I have blocked ,asked to get lost ,repeatedly ignored,but can't seem to stop dropping in here to read(why hah?), please go eat more Iron pills then iron your face out on an ironing board so you feel ultra ironic over the above statement.
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This is a transcript lifted from the Penang Where Not To Eat facebook Discussion page under Pesky Food Bloggers Topic.It happened today and it's up to you to decide if I was harsh in asking him to go fly kite.Or a brat for being absolutely rude in my replies back to him.
I plucked out todays excerpt.
Wai Hoe Kellaw( an occasional food blogger) had just joined the page and I was replying to his posts when Vkeong decided to butt in.I found it extremely annoying bcos I did not want to be dragged into a bloggers war.
There are bloggers that are trying to distance themselves from me,and they do it by dissing me on forums and other methods which you may unravel as you trawl the net bcos they are being ostracised by their own kind who are casting a suspicious eye on them,thinking that they the popular bloggers are me.
As a result the day ended in me unliking him from my facebook and him unliking the page in retaliation.
That was pure childish spur of the moment action on my part,which isn't something I will be proud of.I will remember his kind wishes at the end which I have highlighted.
Oh well,life goes on.
Please go to facebook n see for yourselves.if it's not there then u may always refer back here.
And oh vkeong if you are reading this,with me posting this up,you can now rest in your laurels,safe that you won't get sidelined by your 'beloved' bloggers community no more since I have openly dissed you.

WAI HOE KELLAW
some are real good... and they know what to order...next is some of us pays for the meal instead of looking for free food... I pay for my food all the time unless the owner says otherwise. get what i mean?

HONEST FOOD CRITIC
i really think that reviewers should remain anonymous.that way you won't receive any special treatment or xtras that would inspire readers like me into retaliating by screaming to the entire world wide web that u cheated them into going to a lousy places.
of course in my case where the emphasis is on bad eating places that is a necessity.I don wan eat saliva or nose shit in my food

WAI HOE KELLAW

well if you read my blog you will find i screw food and events which are real bad... i used to be real popular for good reasons till i screw a nokia event and i became the center of attraction on twitter and blogs for the wrong reasons...I remain anon so i could actually observe better.. the owners tends to treat you better if they know.. and that is where at times the bloggers themselves get cheated by the owners which in turn writes to some how cheat the readers... get what i mean? at times it's not the bloggers fault because they were cheated too. i feel i am responsible to my readers too so i stand up for how i felt despite being criticized

HONEST FOOD CRITIC
erm...i gonna sound stupid but whats your blog

WAI HOE KELLAW

i just gave you on the other post... lolz

HONEST FOOD CRITIC

ok got it.u not one search engines much but dont worry if u r good I will put u on my list

LUM VOON KEONG

self-proclaim popular, lulwut.

HONEST FOOD CRITIC

who?

HONEST FOOD CRITIC

erm guys guys guys i hope u please don't turn this page into a arena for boxing each other.if u wanna do that please take a blunt butter knife and go elsewhere like outside some newspaper office (china press would be good)while wearing T-shirts printed with your blogsites 

LUM VOON KEONG

your creation of this page is already an arena between you and the restaurants you deem fail. so what you said is kinda ironic don't you think?anyway imma outta here. ciao.

HONEST FOOD CRITIC

oh thank goodness u have some common sense....but remember if u ever think u wanna stick your head in here again dont turn this into an arena to spite bloggers u already have a grudge on from the whatever issues of competitive blogging u guys have going on.
THIS IS A PENANG WHERE NOT TO EAT PAGE.
NOT WHICH BLOGGER VS WHAT BLOGGER PAGE

LUM VOON KEONG

eh, you yourself are also a blogger now la. you have a blog called borhorchiak. and in the blog you are already openly criticizing the other bloggers, and in here as well. again the irony is strong.
btw I am jz trying to troll the dude up there who think he's famous. get a reality check. you and I and everyone else are nobody.

HONEST FOOD CRITIC 

aiya...y u wanna so busybody here?u really so char siau with people that no agree wit u ah?
I put my entries on blog cos I cannot post longer than 1000 word post in facebook.get this tru your thick head....that expanded skull of yours let it sink in and register in your brain
THIS IS NEITHER A BLOGGER VS BLOGGER FACEBOOK
NOR A BLOGGER VS BLOGGER BLOGPAGE
THIS IS A PENANG WHERE NOT TO EAT FACEBOOK PAGE understand?stop acting like we r an in love couple like the uncle in chai leng park.go fly kite vkeong.please.take a really long string that reach to outer space wit u.
also the world is full of irony.it is not a straight line that has a picture perfect horizon each time.deal with it.
I never said I was anybody it's just that everybody knows u r somebody.and now I know that dude is much better than u though he likes to whine too.
there I've said my piece now can u pls shadap n go away?thanks

LUM VOON KEONG

you know what, I thought you were different. maybe someone who finally rose to the occasion to know what is going wrong in the penang food blogging and am doing something about it. But I think I thought too highly of you. Have fun in what you are doing, I am pretty sure it will end soon

HONEST FOOD CRITIC

oh yes this is how couples meet up n end up getting married I am sure of it too.

RM55,000 For Cockroach Leg In Meal

This brave lady took 3 years to bring a big industry player to book.Salute and congratulations.

The following article is taken from todays The Sun newspaper
Shah Alam :
A lecturer who threw up after finding a cockroach leg in her plate of spaghetti was awarded RM55,000 by a Sessions Court yesterday.
Sessions judge Syafeera Mohd Said awarded RM5,000 in general damages for pain and suffering to Goh Sze Ching 28,and RM50,000 in exemplary damages.
Speaking to The Sun after the decision was handed down Goh's lawyer N.Ganesarajah said her client threw up on the table upon finding the cockroach leg in her spaghetti bolognese on September 26,2007
Subsequently when she showed the leg to the waiter the plate was taken back and never returned to her,he said.
In all six witnesses including Goh her dining companion and a doctor who treated her for food poisoning testified during the trial in April and August.
The Pizza Hut,Subang Parade,store manager,assistant manager and the area manager testified during the trial.Ganesarajah said the company had during the trial denied that the item Goh found was a cockroach leg.
In its defence Pizza Hut alleged that it was a dried onion,he said
Howver under cross examination the area manager Carol Ching Fee Yin admitted that there were three outlets with a cockroach problem.
She added that she would not patronise a restaurant with a cockroach problem said Ganesarajah.
This is the first award against a restaurant for exemplary damages.The court is sending a very clear message that cleanliness and hygiene should not be compromised on,he said

Gem Restaurant @ King Street

I love Indian restaurants and when some newspaper declares this the best,it had better be as good as they say it is.
Scanning through the menu I notice that they offer both south and north indian dishes.So I pull the usher aside and ask him where the chef is from.Armed with that knowledge I make my entrance.
This being dinner time,it was quite unusual for the restaurant to be empty so I figure that it must be due to the fact that they now have an amazingly cheap lunch promo as evident from the flyers near the door.
I didn't expect to be sitting around admiring the staircase,pillars,paintings and statues.I expected something better than the rather plain wooden tabletops and chairs I had plonked down on, because after all some had labelled this a place for fine indian food.I want to be admiring my tableware and place where I am seated at too.
Then we signal the supervisor...Kalavele*!
He turns out to be as stiff as a Punjab doorman guarding the Taj Mahal who just got injected with botox and cannot attend to us the only customers in sight.That kinda job he leaves to his lesser mortals to do.
After much head jiggling we decide on Kerala fried fish,Chettinad chicken,some thousand spice mutton,rice,tandoori set and chai.
As we waited for the food an unexplainable feeling swept over us.The place is uncomfortable in an unexplainable way.You know places where you silently wipe your mouth and drum your fingers on the table because you somehow feel like not talking?This place is like that.
Anyway the mutton arrives and looks like it got rolled over many times by a steamroller with edible fur on.I think it turned out this way because there were so few diners that they had to reheat it many times.For a thousand spice dish,it was not very tasty,it was hot,and spicy but had no kick.
The chettinad chicken was not too bad.
The fish felt like deep fried dory that melts upon contact with our tongue coated with spicy flour.Regret.
The tandoori set was ok.
I asked for plain chai(tea) but they give me spicy one cos they think I wanna,I wanna,I wanna be Spice Girl.This is something that takes a while to get used to.
The rice was fluffy alright but only because it was steamed and still wet(almost soggy) with water droplets.This is expected of banana leaf cuisine but not restaurant standard food.Not nice.
We begin to tuck in like rolling trains but end up three quarters of the way stalled at the station,fiddling and playing one two jus with our food.See,the food here is sooooooo filling.
Now this just comes to show that however blogged about eating and ordering so much food here, must have been nibbling like a rodent.Cos you see,my dining partner is a ravenous eater that can demolish two steaks to smitherens but he couldn't even finish his portion of rice can you imagine?
I wanted to turn into Rajni and throw the recommender to a rubbish heap in Tamil Nadu.What a Kudigeren**!
Next when the bill comes you won't dance like Shah Rukh Khan but you will realise why the supervisor needs to look like kayu face ,in order to deter any protests
Pluses are your breath after eating here will smell sweet and you can skip two meals after this one.It is that filling!

*I have no idea what this means.All I know is that it sounds good and gets Indian peoples eyebrows up as well as confuses them at the same time.You must say this with your hands as if you are sprinkling some water at another person.With this one you can frown as you say it.Oh,and don't forget to shake your head like how they say yes,while you are at it too.
**this one is a rude term.Do not utter this without a smile.If you say this without a smile you are asking for a parang to come after you.The safest and least offensive way to demonstrate exactly how you feel is to cover your forehead with one hand,throw your head back and smile/laugh as you utter it.Stick the other hand straight out as if you mean "apa lah lu"

Chicago Rib House @ Gurney Plaza

Please do not dine here indoors dressed in a thick sweater or you will look like you need an anti perspirant spray.Infants will find the ventilation here quite unbearable and anyone wearing sleeves will definitely need a fan.I think the problem lies with the air cond system.It may have an auto shut off system in order to save on electricity bills.On top off that the busy kitchen has no door and I think the heat from there inadvertly affects the dining area.After you break into a sweat only does the darned wind outlet blow some cool air.And just as you're tucking into your meal again you will start feeling like you want to strip down to your underwear.
Food here on the overall is ok.Standard fare for a grill/steak outlet.You can't really go wrong with a grill.Dishes with batter or crusts here is not bad too.No complain.
I can't comment on their signature dishes like their ribs cos ribs are not my favourite food so it won't be fair of me to pass any judgement.
Can't say the same about the items on their menu that are smeared or basted with BBQ sauce.They not only fail to rise to the occasion,they're totally uninspiring unlike their competitor across the walkway which can tweak the sauce to perfection on most dishes.
There is no kids menu because it's printed on the black and white,rather complicated for those below 3 years below,unattractive activity sheet that they pass onto kids from the entrance onwards.They expect them to complete the activities with their fingernails dipped in tabasco sauce.There is no writing instrument provided unless you bug them for it.And when they do,what you get is some large blunt broken crayons unsuitable for scribbling their way out of a tiny maze.
I am finding fault with some of their side dishes because somehow something is missing and they simply do not compliment the main courses.
Their coleslaw would make a rabbit delighted.It is almost barren of sauce,has almost no taste and worst of all their cabbage has deteriorated or not been kept at the right temperature in the fridge leading to cabbage sweat smell.
The french fries may be made from real potatoes yet somehow I can't put my finger on what is wrong here.It's not fragrant unlike their jacket potatoes and I don't understand why.
Next they placed the sweetest smiling girl outside to usher in customers,then you sit down,you'll face some very serious staff that are the complete opposite of the sweet miss outside because they're concentrating so much on their job you might think they were undergoing a practical exam.
Lastly I can't comprehend why they only play the sports channel permanently.Haven't they noticed that most of their customers are females or serious shopperholics?

Mount Erskine Hawker Centre @ Wet Market Open Air Carpark( Evening)

update 27th october:
Mr George Lam moustache has become part time fugitive after this piece came out.I last spotted him today riding his motorbike without strapping up his helmet (yea still dressed in a white singlet and the frightening white shorts) zooming past the Jamal Tariq nasi kandar and at the same time I also spotted Karpal Singh's son in sunspecs ( my dear we can recognise you,you know?just take off the sunspecs next time,doesn't make any difference) about to order his lunch there.the place is grossly oily mind you.I am not recommending it.
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I swing in here before 7.30pm when I don't want to go to after Jelutong police station area for nasi tomato.It is the home cooked type so it's incomparable to the earlier mentioned place.
The thing about this place that makes me loose my appetite is the loud character of a co owner cum waiter in tight white (frightening!)shorts and thick moustache hawking noodles just 5 steps away.
His voice is so loud,he needs no loudspeaker.I'm sure he startles the living daylights out of all living things till I hardly see any rats nor crows there to this day in that carpark area(maybe they're shivering behind the market)
And then he looks so hamsap with his get up I almost always tapau home so that I don't have to feel his iris and voice piercing through my brains and my clothes.
Let me describe him to you.
His moustache is like George Lam's.
His shorts are the 70's white colour type just like what we see in the pictures hung on our grandparents home's wall of 70s young men trying to look hawt while posing with a badminton racquet.I think he really believes he is sexy.Not....
His voice is designed to sink a ferry and cause a tidal wave,to stun potential customers into increasing his business.Or maybe it's his way of getting women to look his way.
I pity the flat residents next to this market to have to put up with this fella's earth shattering hollering almost every other evening.I hope the temple's foundation next door is strong.

Bee Hooi Coffeeshop CKT @ Pulau Tikus (night)

This used to my one of my favourite places for ckt at supper until lately when the ever smiling uncle changed his noodle supplier or his noodle supplier changed his recipe or the noodle supplier's machine got repossessed by some ah longs.
Please be informed that the noodle is now thicker than before.
If before it used to be delicately dimsum fine today it is definitely pasta thick.If before you had dentures today you might risk the embarassment of them getting stuck to the kuay teow and falling out of your mouth before you clumsily place the next chopstickfull in.
Plus ye merry ole slimebag now sneakily uses two types of prawns,one cheaper,one more expensive.
I just couldn't believe it.To be absolutely sure I gingerly cut each prawn into three pieces,scrutinised them and slowly chewed(there were two).Yup I was right the first time.
The noodle was such a lust buster this time round that I let my eyes wander off to explore the spectacle of an eye candy with two strong arms filled with mesmerisingly mouthwatering tatoos and a big hole punched through his left ear in front of me.Yea I got a thing for tatoos and earrings on the male of our species.Wait a minute...that WAS a ring he had lodged in his ear.Kinky,very kinky fella.
Wake up girl ! This is Pulau Tikus territory where pretty boys like him might not be interested in women at all.
So coming back to the uncle scrooge,he still fries a mean ckt and aunty osteoporosis still waddles your order to you.He needs to change his supplier soon.His noodle just doesn't cut it for me anymore.
Can somebody please tell him cos Imma too chicken to do so.

The Evolving Borhochiaker

What the heck is this biatch rambling on about?
Why can't she find a single place where she can satisfy her appetite once and for all and spare the rest of us her agony of finding yet another borhochiak place?
It is people like you who spoil our tourism industry.

To readers of this blog,fans or unfans these are some of the 'fan mail' that I have received since starting this blog.I have done a little soul searching since.
I began unhappy that yet another recommendation fell short of expectations that I felt was totally misrepresented.It made me feel like a fool,and even more foolish to have recommended the place as well to other guinea pigs that tagged along with me.
We live in a food paradise.Is it too much to expect that the food operators conform to what we their customers want,expect and demand?Is it too much of us to cry foul when they compromise on the quality of food?
A food paradise where once upon a time food really used to be excellent because the operators were fuelled by pride not by profit.A place where those food sellers would feel ashamed if they churned up anything less than the best for their customers whom they truly appreciated ,worked hard for and filled them with pride when they saw us off with satisfied smiles.
Today it is a whole new different scenario altogether.Due to the food paradise label,even those who cannot cook have jumped in on the bandwagon from lesser known places,relocated here,started businesses when they actually should not.They hijack the Penang label and make the rest of us regular patrons hopping mad because hey,to us diners not bound by any food guidelines and hocus pocus,they are misrepresenting Penang food on the whole.
We feel that they are tarnishing the image of the state.
We are a state proud people.
We feel helpless that such a sacrilige can be allowed to fester.
Then we have the new phenomenon of bloggers,feted by clueless chefs and media representatives from all over the world,eager to have a slice to take home and brag about or to be an authority on Penang cuisine in their homeland,who should in my opinion not 100 percent rely on them for recommendations.
Why you ask?The bloggers are new to attention from various quarters,it gets to their bloated heads,free invites start to flow their way,they feel all important and think they are doing a great job of promoting the state.
However they are self bound by an unspoken rule not to post offensive* material so that their revenue won't be hurt.They may have no censorship in cyberspace but they sure know where to draw the line and end up not daring to tell it as it is for fear of offending certain parties i.e. the state tourism,the almighty restaurateurs,etc.This is where we the diners end up indirectly paying one way or another.
I only knew this after I started this blog.All those adverts that you see on their blogs are sponsors or contributors that allow them to lead a leisurely existence to continue writing in their favour as little cheques,vouchers,writing offers,judging appearances,interviews,jobs float in.
Look I am fed up with this whole charade.
Fed up with those once used to be great makan places that have so deteriorated.Which Malaysian doesn't know of any famous stall that if once passed down to their children suffers in terms of taste,quality,price and so on so forth?Which Penangite hasn't heard of the operator that sells a certain tidbit and managed to educated all his children overseas only to have them head back and takeover the tiny looking little business from him?
Fed up with being threatened by "you'll scare the tourists away".Come on Penang hawkers are not totally reliant on tourists.Most of us eat out almost daily and we are the core support for them.If they were totally reliant on tourists means something must have caused us locals to pull the plug on our patronage of their shops.Get real!
Fed up with being told to'eat somewhere else'.Why can't I make noise if I don't like it?Why can't I insist on quality?And why can't we insist on value for money?Why must we Penangites be forced to live with it because" it won't be good for tourism if you complain"?Why can't I say the place is borhochiak?Sheesh.

Bear with me as I am still trying to find a balance between which peeves me more, borhochiak places or borhochiak recommendations.At some point I felt as if I were the devil's advocate for daring to broach this untouchable,shove it under the carpet,topic.
If you can't,you can always press the little X button at the top right hand corner of your screen.
Or pretend to be a tourist that is faint hearted so that the detractors can triumphantly justify that I scared you away.

*just in case you didn't already know,this borhochiak blog is an offensive site to easily offended people who want to stubbornly defend publicly offensive food

The Mark Cheng Saga

This is what happens in Malaysia when you even dare to suggest that the almighty restaurant operators may not be giving us a fair deal.This incident happened some years back.
The actor was subjected to a boycott by outraged traders and diners and in the end his chain flopped.He was treated this way because we thought that he was bluffing,that he was a foreigner trying to act big,he was jealous of other operators and he didn't know how to eat.
I salute him for opening our eyes to such unscrupulous tactics.He must have suffered in silence
I myself have been personally warned by a market trader not to patronise a certain economy rice stall owners shop because she insisted on buying rotten fish and vegetables from him in order to maximise profit.She was so good at cooking that we would never have suspected.
Other times I have come across more responsible stall operators forbiding pregnant women from consuming their food because the stock is made from pig's head which the chinese believe is very toxic to the developing foetus.

Does truth have to said in whispers?

The article is taken from The Star newspaper.Read on:

HK actor’s baseless remarks upset restaurant owners

HONG Kong actor Mark Cheng has come under fire for making rude remarks about Malaysian steamboat, reported China Press.
Cheng, who owns nine steamboat restaurants in Malaysia, was reported to have said that most Malaysian steamboat was made from “rotten meat and carcass” during a recent interview with a Hong Kong magazine.
He further claimed that local steamboat restaurants used stale ingredients and a soup base made by boiling water with two slices of ginger and spring onions.
China Press received many calls from readers and steamboat restaurant operators, expressing their anger and dissatisfaction over Cheng's remarks, saying they were baseless and exaggerated.
A caller, identified only as Chew, said the actor's unfriendly remarks would tarnish the good image of Malaysian restaurants and affect the country's tourism.
“Why did Cheng set up his business in Malaysia and marry a Malaysian girl when he sees us as such a bad country?” she asked.

Matsuki Japanese Restaurant @ Jln Pemenang

First and foremost I would like to say that I am very dissapointed that one of the bloggers that I like,vouched for this place.That person needs to hop on a plane via Air Asia to Japan and immerse himself there in order to know why I am about to spit fire about this place.Or if that is too much to ask I beg of that fella to please go make a few rounds of  Japanese citizen run restaurants in kayel or singkahpo.Heck come to think of it you can even find excellent ones in jakarta and bangkok
Service is as crass as another place in Tanjong Tokong.Head waitress looks like an Empress Dowager that's about to go undercover so she can escape from the confines of this Japanese hideout that probably enslaved her to a life of waitressing drudgery.All the staff here young and old had bittergourd juice before they started working.All cannot smile.Most like to dress like grubby bangla sweepers in shopping compleks in T-shirt and pants.You come here and you wonder if you have just entered the portal to Manchuria.
Eating Japanese food is about the whole experience.You will not experience japanese culture here.You will experience cold Manchurian culture instead.Taste wise is nice tasting yes that I agree but not what you would expect if you have had better and were thinking that you may have finally hit another home run.
The entire place is so run down and in need of a makeover.This is in sharp contrast to the nice looking bungalow that houses it.
After that 'wonderful' introduction the food arrives,I will cut the long story short and say that the food here arrives presented ala Japanese style but the cooking style has a distinct chinese influence.You will not get your five tastebuds and senses tickled here...maybe it'll tickle 3 out of the 5.
Let me explain it in another way.If we were to go online and purchase authentic japanese cooking ingredients from a real japanese grocer with an authentic recipe provided by a real japanese would that make an authentic japanese meal if we were to ask any qualified chef to cook it for us?No.
A colleague had a horror story to tell.She had decided on takeaway for her lunch break and you know how they packed it for her?They didn't even bother to pack it in a nicely segregated bento plastic lunch box .Her lunch was placed into 3 tiers of styrofoam boxes with the hot miso soup poured into a plastic packet.
It is a nice place indeed of course compared to so many lousy japanese places(popular because they are really really really really cheap) in the vicinity of Pulau Tikus plus they actually use japanese rice here instead of local grains.Also this is a good place to mingle with some colleagues or girlfriends who are not picky eaters and want to believe they are transported to Tokyo on a $12++ cheaper than Air Asia meal ticket.

Tarn Thai @ New World Park

Deep down inside I want to believe that my quest for thai food in Penang will eventually come up with a gem.So far it has been nothing but a lost cause for me to squander more hard earned money on.So when I arrive at a Thai restaurant where the chefs are milling around and speaking in Penang hokkein I should have stayed away.What's left is for me to pass the buck and blame the smart alec who wrote about and recommended this place.That person is on my hate list already.
update: attention ms alice chan of lowyat forum I am not referring to ms picassosun or piccasun or watshername(can't be pikachu nor peekaboo,pickernose or pickafight right?) blogger.This place is recommended by a food journalist from a newspaper.u may find the offending article plastered outside this outlet
On the bright side this place is perfect for those with hypertension and want to eat thai food.Know why?Cos not much salt is involved plus instead of coconut milk they have an affinity for using evap milk.The tomyam is quite good,exciting,with fire that builds up but the ingredients inside are so little that the fire eventually fizzles out.The rice is small grained rice that once left exposed to the air a while longer starts to harden slightly.
The fish cake ...I think even Lang sae lee at Tan jetty is better.It looks like a handicapped starfish shaped like a sea sponge cum coral and when you poke it with your fork it actually bounces back a little like a soft pillow.Thai fish cake is not supposed to misbehave like that.Thai fish cake doesn't fight back like a virgin.
The green seafood curry is more curry than you see food.You look inside and you think that perhaps it is a miniature version of  the Chao Phraya sprouting algae and Neptune's overfished morsels in a bowl.
I won't elaborate any further on what other dishes we had because I'm beginning to get a headache just thinking about it.
Ambience wise is quite pleasant.Service staff are genuine,concerned and attentive which is quite a rarity in Penang.Desserts are a tad better than most joints.High blood wise is a smart move to eat here.

Penang Chendol @ anywhere on the island

This post is not meant for true blue Penangites who grew up with Penang chendol.It is meant for out of state visitors who are wondering if they should give this dish a go.If you love Keng Kwee Street chendol and swatow lane chendol you will NOT like to read further because you are going to think that I am crazy for rating Penang chendol as mediocre.

For out of state visitors who have been enthralled by the likes of artic cold south indian chendol under cherry trees with sinful amounts of brown treacle,I am afraid that you will absolutely not like this.You will even question your goodself if there is something wrong with your tastebuds because you see so many people queuing up,huddled together under what little shadow there is,on the blistering pavement for their fix.
Penang chendol is chinese chendol,which just does not match up to the glorious indian versions* on the mainland.It is like asking a chinese to cook Malay nasi lemak.They can't.
First and foremost,they really stinge on the green worm thingys which compared to the indian one sends you into ecstasy.The flavour of the green chendol is lacking,the colour is nowadays getting to be a sickly green palor.You will ask yourself if this is chendol or this is kidney bean santan on the rocks with chendol trimmings.See,cos there is a great amount of kidney beans and pathetic amount of chendol which is good news for those that really like kidney beans.To me,that much an amount of kidney beans just spoils the spirit of the dish itself for me.
Next the darned ice melts at F1 rate,that there is no way you can finish without having your dessert spoilt by melted ice water.
Worst of all,it is less sweet.Yes,as we all know gula melaka is a costly thing.Having chendol with less gula melaka is like eating putumayam with brown sugar.Horror!
Why would they want to put less gula melaka?They reason that Penangites,the kind that starts exercising at 5am in the morning or 4pm in the afternoon or both,prefer a healthier version.
Fiddlesticks and bollocks.I say they're just trying to save cost as usual.
However don't just take my unrecommendation at face value.Try it for yourself when you come here to prove me wrong.

*Please note that this post does not include the Malay version of chendol on Penang island.I do not have sufficient experience downing their version from the pasar malams and mom n pop stalls around the island and am unable to make a comparison.Thus this Penang chendol post is specifically about the chinese operated ones.

Kedai Kopi Ho Ping (Beef Noodles) @ Kampung Malabar

So you've tried the old man's beef noodles just after the bridge outside the ferry terminal at Weld Quay,plus you have also tried most of his relatives and offsprings version of the noodles around Penang island,then you hear about this place,about how good it is and you think it is going to be almost the same standard fare.Think again.
This stall serves beef au naturale with close to zero salt.You will be having ajinomotoless soup,with tasteless beef balls and offal soup.But aaah,wait...they have a secret recipe that will give you sweet dreams just raving about it.
Your steaming bowl arrives and you take a squishy bite of the beef balls.It spews out sugary water.You wash it down with the soup and you end up releasing a torrent of the Chuping sugarcane farm produce into your system.You chew on the beef offal...it is a tasteless affair with liquidated granules that ants love,on the side to keep you looking like a sweet young thing.
If you don't like this much sugar in your dish like me,I betcha you will walk out looking like Shrek.

Wantan Hor @ Kedai Kopi Swee Kong (Morning)

This is another dish that only their regulars will rave over.
I came here because of the hokkein mee.Out of curiosity I tried this wantan mee stall that had so many customers waiting for their orders and customers that had come here just for this dish.
It took just under ten minutes for my hokkein mee to arrive.
As for the wantan mee,you can finish your hokkein mee at a leisurely pace because it will eventually come to you fast as a turtle walking backwards.
It's possibly the most alien wantan dish I have ever seen and tasted in my life.He gives you a dollop of mushy E-fu mee sauce to be mixed together with the heavy smell of lard infused wantan mee underneath.
After mixing it up,it looks like Unwanted crap and tastes like Oneton crap.
The wantans are deep fried to the point of causing dental carnage.It is so hard it might as well be wantan bricks.I don't know what else I shoved into my mouth whether there was sawi or char siew or not because I wanted to kick myself for ordering it.
I rate this triple Y
Yucks.Yucks.Yucks