Midnight Chap Fan Tong @ Perak Road

The women that run this place had are extremely loud and downright unwomenly. Past their prime and gone south they look as if they were yellow sia boey trash.They sit like gangsters, stare like Yakuzas and talk like mafias.With one leg up on the chair, groin region exposed wide and two eyes on you. Their offspring tags along to keep them company, these currently look nice but I know its just a matter of time before they emulate the horrific syndrome....

And because of this they dare open shop after midnight when most men have locked their doors three times, checked it twice more and lay shivering under a thin sarong.

Some people rave about their food. But me thinks it's because they belong to the keongsi clan of chinese manchurian vampires that like to hop around in a long pigtail looking for elusive things at ghoulish hours . Drained of blood me also thinks that because they are so desperate for a bite other than nasi kandar, such a discovery compells them to leave their tastebuds and better judgement out in the clogged longkang .

While I admit that their curries and gulais are quite spicy although terribly watered down , that's where it ends.

Due to the fact that these females are of the barbaric kind, they are absolutely hopeless at cooking wimpy vegetables .One taste and you'll wish you were never born a human. I think even cows would protest,unless they like the veg half cooked and tasting like an old couch.The recipe is not Chinese in origin. It is from Pluto. It must be. I don't know any other Chinese that are so bad at cooking plain Chinese style vegetables apart from new and hopeless Myanmar recruits.

They also like their swine smelly and hard (read too lazy and kiamsap to use more gas to cook longer). Pork sold here is gross. Good for checking out facial and anal muscles you never even knew existed.

Did I mention that it is NOT cheap? Yep believe it.Can beat the most greedy mamak's pricing even.

If you're disgusted by such women avoid at all costs.
It's probably one of the reasons why the sheer mention of the word Jelutong struck some pockets of our menfolk spineless .

 

San Cafe char koay teow @ New Lane aka Lorong Baru (night)

Last time, this kopitiam used to sell pirated CD's. Now they sell pirated char koay teow with a recipe copied from the Straits of Uganda for all I care.

The thing is when you see the two frying stations with big stainless steel suckers in front of the shop, it looks like a dead serious professional business with lots of serious fans (that is if they're still alive and kicking).
And the chef makes a good first impression as a pro ckt wok shaker and mover until it dawns upon you that he's just very clever at acting like a very good ckt seller who's incorporated some 'feeling' and gets emo around a kuali.

All around this cafe, are tables with the word ckt on it.
So you probably will be fooled into thinking that hey, maybe this is the real deal eh ?

Wrong !

The cockles are so rotten you might contract hepatitis from a to z and beyond upon contact
The ckt is so dead pan dry, you might think that they piled the ckt on a plate and whacked it like they just saw an army of cockroaches doing an auntie line dance on top.
What you get is a very nice, nerdily flat and lembik flaccid penis like annihilated organ belonging to some used to be alive roadkill presented to you on an offensive plate of what resembles degenerating ckt six feet under.
It's totally not worth it, it's outrageously expensive (wow they really got balls for this) and ALL the tong sui drinks they ever dare to serve here totally sucks.
They give you a bowl where they even put grains that give you a migraine with a lump of barley that has fermented and stuck together to form a mini meteorite so you can shoot to the moon in the privacy of your toilet cubicle for less than a billion dollars.

If you eat here you need to gather all the holy books you own, get all the bomohs and shamans to form a protective force field around you to keep you from puking or turning into a lump of fizzled from the inside bak.

No.1 for looking like a genuine ckt when it is actually pirated ckt. Penang is doomed.

Tree Monkey @ Teluk Bahang

These so called Eco warriors aka Superduperkiamsiapers, deviced a clever way to work up your appetite, by making you walk up a slope that is bad for high heels and the aged.
Mighty good for the healthy.Just bad news for the wheelchair bound.
Get it? Make sure you are fit first before you come all the way from AS or SP.

For the prices they charge there is no help offered,no ushers,a very bad first impression indeed, to begin with.
Like a DIY,No Frills place with staff more suitable for a foodcourt at prices that want to challenge Batu Ferringhi tourist open air (save on air cond bill mah...) makan places.
If you still don't understand,coming to eat here is like going to a Thai resort style Outward Bound,Urban Sakai camp in Lumut,with obstacle number one,a small steep hill designed to make you sweat and flea market toilet that posesses the aura like the one featured in Karak,the semi pontianak horror movie.
So please,try to hold your popot and dump your mess somewhere else or you might agree that Tree Monkey like Outward Bound,fosters the importance of team spirit by making you make aware that you should all go together,holding garlic, to the toilet at the back, while chanting some hocus pocus spells to keep away wandering spirits.

Basically you are paying for maintainence of the stunning leafy half hidden sea views,
not doing so great slow moving giftshop,
'natural' smelling ewwww toilet constructed from salvaged items,
upkeep of the not getting enough sunlight spice gardens that consists of pathetic potted plants and plots,grown side by side with shop plants that grew larger in the open space yet look like they were rescued from the florists dustbin,
office with second hand salvation army furniture
and the foreign staff manning the cool treetop environment
so that Tarzan can romance his Jane.

Since I still cannot get over it,I want to talk about the toilet once again.
So kanasai if you wan lausai.
Aiyo,the bowl also dunno get from where.Geli.
Looks like they salvaged the toilet bowl from a roadside dumpster and the door from a haunted kopitiam or ghost town.Very geli.

The cutlery they use looks new,same with the restaurants Thai resort style furnitures.
But you never know.
I think I can only safely vouch for the tissues ...it is probably one of the only things that are guaranteed  NEW and UNUSED in this place.
You can never be too careful .

As if that is not bad enough,you not only pay for the experience with cash or credit, but also with your own blood in kind,as you give sporadic donations for the duration that you are seated,while assuming the time honoured role of playing philantrophist to jungle mosquitoes that seek fresh platelets.

Summary :

Thai foods               weird combo between south and north east.
Deep fried foods     come soaked in glistening oil
Cold drinks            are served almost warm
Hot drinks              warm by the time they get to your table.
Mocktails               everyone orders this,nobody finishes it
Food presentation good

Food taste              conflicting

Dessert presentation below par

Dessert taste          ordinary,not worth the extra $$

Service                   irritating if you get Miss Jungle Frown

Final Bill                EXPENSIVE

Toilet                     Unlike the 3 monkeys,you'll See evil n Speak evil,

                               cos Here is very the evil

Spasso Milano @ Straits Quay

The pizzas are ok,the pasta is better,the prices are not.

If you don't take alcoholic drinks,may I suggest you do, cos a can of $1.20 coke costs $9.80 ++ here.
Not only that,the alcohol will most certainly help ease the pain and suffering upon receiving the bill,numbing your senses till you break out into a huge grin and smile,blurring your vision so can't really make out the total.

Pizzas arrive faster than the speed of light and look huge but is actually flattened out thin with thinned out ingredients so it looks good.
There is a possibility that you may still be hungry even if you polish the pizza on your own.

The pastas are a self explanatory demonstration , as to how and why the chef , ended up looking as if he swallowed a whole drum of olive oil coated in buffalo mozarella.And it effectively got stuck there cos it couldn't pass tru his ...erm....gap at the bottom.

Meat portions are ...chiakbehliao.....chew chew chew .....time passes by.....tick tock tick tock.....still you are chewing......till you want to jump into the marina  to do the backstroke,cos you still absolutely cannot manage to finish it even if you are a certified greedy pig.

The modern minimalist decor intimidates a lot of people.
Except those who stomp in like badly behaved loud models dressed in Ah Lian couture and try to look cool by looking cross because they're actually trying to track down the big fishes who parked their Ferrari and Lamborghini at the back.
So because she failed in her quest,again today,she is prepared for second best. Parks herself by the window of this restaurant,a vantage point indeed and zooms in with her inbuilt telescopic spy squint vision, to look out for one of those who own a yatch/white male cleaner of a yatch or perhaps to hook up with Chef Yak himself,who knows ?
Oh who cares? I don't care. Do you care ?
If you do,please make sure you are rich and loaded or ancient ang moh,or younger penniless angmoh road sweeper also can lah,haiyah,in order to land your first romantic dinner job.

If you want cheap,Italian food that is good enough,go to that outlet in Pulau Tikus.

If you eat here be prepared to choke after you get the bill.
It's actually not that expensive if you look at the menu,everything's around $35++ up up and upwards.

Pretty reasonable for quality,fresh ingredients if you ask me.
But due to the fact that the food is ok,can eat, the ++ is going to be the numero uno factor, that will make you go x x and minus minus and suddenly be able to think like an Italian by screaming "Mamamia"(interject your imaginative process with wild hand gestures at this point ) silently inside cos you wanna save face in a place like this.

Other than that the
Service staff is ok,alright, but scared stiff of the High Temple Culinary Priest himself ..... Mr Mozarella Musollini ,himself , when he makes his appearance.

Because the place is mostly empty,take care that you might give the staff a heart attack because they never expected that you wanted to eat in there.....not for a moment, till they scamper to their feet and tussle to open the doors for you,risking a head on collision with you or the glass door.

Four Leaves Bakery @ Gama Supermarket

Honest to god,I really do hope the bosses will see this post and do something about the appalling state this once upon a time nice bakery,has fallen into.

Last time it was an army of mostly youngish fresh out of school staff,dressed in cute half scarves,efficiently manning the counter,over where the information counter sits today.

Today,sourish faced middle aged cashiers,the offspring of an eunuch clan,who cannot lift a finger,expect you the customer to shift the bread tray to the space right next to their cash register after the next customer has gone.
And they even have the audacity to greet you with a huge grin.

This isn't a friendly grin.
We women can read each other like a book.
This was a thanks sucker,smile of sinister satisfaction.
Which I do not find amusing in the least.

Thus today,was the last straw,when that medium length curly haired, late thirties to mid forties cashier,decided to squeeze 2 caterpillar breads into one plastic bag.
I curtly told her to separate them.

She shot the bag ,not me,a bloody fed up look,snorted like a cow on the last teethers of her overmilked tits and proceeded to squash my 6 purchases that cost a blood sucking total of $9 buckaroos ala mamak roti canai kuah style....into a single raffia leash.

This blood boiling action definitely warranted retaliation.
Not enough,she insidiously inspected the $50 I had handed over to her as if I were a swindler,against the backdrop of the ceiling light.
What did you expect?
Not caring if I looked like a moron,I just had to rub the salt into the wound,too.

I held my SIX bags of buns bunched into ONE purchase,up to the light,for a minute long forensic revelation.
She was lucky.
Took it out on the bag and string,looking as if she had grazed the breads but actually did not.
I would have rejected it and demanded a refund on the spot if it were.

Jeez talk about attitude.
These people should not be allowed to work in the service industry at all.
Sometimes we need to BE AS COCKY in order to rattle them? Get my drift?

Enough about the menopausal staff.
Let's go on to the breads.

The thing about this bakery is that their breads look good enough for a recipe cover.
However, looks ARE deceiving and depending on the time of year and fluctuating price of essentials,expect to bite into fluffed up,over yeasted or over chewy,over sweet,dough with 30 percent filling.
The dough itself is so sweet,it rockets to the roots of your molars and could cause tooth decay if one were to consume this on a regular basis.

And they're so notorious for thinner,slimmer,shorter,flatter breads each preceeding year,I won't be surprised,they'll all be biscuit sized one day.
Prices may seem reasonable but I've categorising them in the expensive category based on the fact that they're giving us the short end of the stick with zero value for money.

Turn over a whole new leaf and ship your labia circumcised aunties to some hell hole they deserve will ya?

Tai Buan Porridge(open till 5pm) @ Muntri Street

Although it is located in a nondescript shoplot at the crossroads of a very seedy area where pondans ply their trade,the tiny pathetic portions aren't even enough to fill your tummy.

Owners practise the take it or leave attitude with a smile.

If everything else on the menu has finished,they won't even fry an egg for you and they'll deliver the good news to you with a nice evil smile.This is because they've limited themselves to using the stove just once a day only so they can save energy and eventually the world.

Even though the array of dishes has wittled down to one dish only,they'll still put on a fake smile.
You,the sucktomer are expected to eat your moi with just one salted egg like a good boy/girl as you watch them continue with their mission to smile.

Even wicked stepmothers aren't as mean as this.

Nyonya Breeze Desire @ Straits Quay

September Update :

Now got set lunch already plus with a new write up by one of the Borhochiak awarded lousy writers should have more people streaming in.
The thing about Straits Quay in general is,people just seem to want to wander around,gaze around and take pictures.The setting makes them afraid to spend their money.This is the same case scenario with Island Plaza.
Even their flea market is one of the most miserable ones around,apparently heard tru the grapevine that this due to the local staff that are very discriminatory towards our own locals just cos the boss is angmo kau.
The situation is so bad that one can even find a Kacang puteh seller hawking his wares in this posh looking place.

To throw their cash around happily,people hop into their cars and head to Gurney Plaza.

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A quick round up

Cons
1. No set lunch compared to their town outlet
2. Big army of staff,miserable pockets of diners
3. Got tax here so will be more expensive than town
4. Food just as bor kau lak as their town outlet
5. Final bill can make your eye pop out and wonder if you are paying for their venture here
6. The Can never smile Rosie the taukeh soh comes out for some air every now and then(reminds me of a tilapia fish in a pond) like in the old outlet

Pros
1. Nice airy convent/missionary school classroom type setting
2. Nice ocean view
3. Pleasant nyonya uniforms on sweet young waitresses
4. Friendly service as usual from the head males
5. No restrictions on their menu offerings compared to their town outlet where fixed days are reserved for certain dishes
6. Better fixtures and interior decor

The Delicious Group @ Straits Quay

24th June 2011
Finally tried this and here are my observations

1. What's the point of being near the sea when they cover up the view like it were some gay designers boutique?
2. Staff seem friendly,positive,attentive and intelligent but never judge a book by its cover
3. Food is very,very, extraordinarily NORMAL,standard 3 to 4 star hotel fare.Its the clever lighting that makes one think they are eating something delicious.
4. Cake toppings taste better than the actual cake itself

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Facebook is wonderful.Without it we would never know real customers grievances.
It is also gonna be interesting to note how many bloggers will lie about the truth in regards to the service and even the food here.
Since the site Foodtok (a most commercial site filled with adverts so its owner can eat and bluff some more),has been so quick to jump on the bandwagon am not gonna trust their reviews after this.

As a departure from normal I am gonna post up customer complaints found on Delicious facebook for you to see.Their regulars in KL have fled because apparently they have a big issue with service in all of their outlets,the time the food takes to arrive as well as getting the waiters/waitresses attention,apparently an almost two hours wait from start to finish.From their wall,things look no different up north in Penang.What a shame.

Haven't had the chance to go and try yet.
Actually I'm turned off by the fact that the place is always packed and the window sluts of Penang have made a beeline here,dressing as if they were attending a getai wedding dinner at night.You get the drift.Some can get away with murder since fillers can now pretty any plain jane up.
Their men in tow however, are sometimes dressed up too but end up looking like a gaudy older Ah Beng in white ill fitting too high waisted white pants and matching shoes.
When they walk hand in hand together,it's like watching a mini skirted cinderella with her pimp.

Finally from the anals of the complaints department,dug up from ...dressed up Ah Lians with their cash to splash Ah Bengs,do check this out

Alex Lau rants...
Am VERY Dispointed with the management of d Penang branch! Made reservation two weeks in advance even b4 they open and specifically wanted a private area for a big group of us but was told on d day of my dinner tat d place was not available cos got a bigger group came earlier than us so we were sitted next to d kitchen!

Ben Mah adds.....
Delicious Straits Quay, pls do something about your staff. Seems like they are 'blind' to local customers, been calling for order but was ignored and instead a group of foreigners was acknowledged that came later. Best part is not even a weekend. Disappointed!

Prisca Ju Ek Tan moans ....
Was treated with by a fren for Mother's Day dessert supper, a little pleasant surprise of the roses, nice thought ;) but the place was super noisy - the noise level can be consider noise pollution! Next time will try weekdays night, hopefully will ne much better that we're at least be able to hear ourselves talking!.....
we had choc pavlova, macadamia cheesecake & scones - the scones are a little too crumbly though.... Stil hv room to improve to become the perfect English scones

Alicia Tan complaints....
I was there today late noon around 4pm. Spaghetti was all right, however the "Crispy fried mushroom" wasn't crispy at all, some extra work needed on the batter and the mushroom wasn't juicy at all <- comparing to other establishments. Service staff needs better training, creeping up on customers from behind to place ordered dishes and... to set the table...not very polite. Should serve from the front where we can see you. Did not receive my 5cents change nor my receipt, not a notable amount but still change and receipt. Other than the complaints above, nice environment, being by the seafront, comfy place to be! Will try other menu offerings next trip!

Melissa Fok Mei Yin pulls her hair out and scratches the blackboard with her nails(kidding)....
Please do something about your staff at your Penang branch.Was calling for service but was ignored and instead a group of foreigners were served.I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED.Your food may be good but when the service is that bad,customers are walking!

Marko Yap
Had my first experience @ straits quay today. My comments were:
Cappuccino arrived without any sugar accompanying the drink.
My banana chocolate cake arrived without the cake fork. When requested for it the waiter brought a normal spoon for the cake .
Food was served quite fast and was quite tasty.
Some waiters were quite inexperience.
There is still room for improvement in the service area. Maybe the outlet has just opened

Bernard Ong
the usherer in straits quay has no manners !!! i couldn't rmb his name! ash or something! very bad service!!

Blue Reef @ Straits Quay

Update :
12 nov 2011
Mr half balding is no more around.
Probably talent scouted,I presume.
Hard to find servers with his dry wit.
In hs place are an army of business like no nonsense servers who give you vibes that they are not keen on getting too personal nor friendly,and are skilled at looking perpetually busy.They do their job cos you're paying their paycheque and that's about it.
The place is no more teeming with customers nowadays,as most newbies head Pappa Rich next door since it is a cheaper alternative,while others now hone their love for sharing one dessert amongst a large family of 12 right before closing time, in Delicious instead.
Overheard from that particular family,to the 8 year old girl, was this ......
"Now you can tell EVERYONE (relatives,friends etc)you came to Delicious to eat!"
......what they left out was....
we requested for 11 extra spoons and saucers so we could share that ONE single slice of cake shamelessly.

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Sit down to a meal here and chances are you would have come across the large square faced almost bald chatterbox staff with the sarcasm of Chef Wan.Just based on his sly charm alone,would be enough to carry any mediocre restaurant through.Five star establishments should really come sit down and take a look at this fella work his magic on the crowd of diners.It is impossible to not want to open up to his friendly with a hint of mischief demeanour.
Upon walking in from the gallery of the shopping complex,you will be quite impressed by the layout.
Nice breezy,romantic and all at once laid back yet chic ambience.Until you choose to sit facing the ocean and find that all you can see is the ocean peeping out in many obstructed ways from the inside of the restaurant.Pop goes the bubble.
Before your meal comes,you of course do the prerequisite required of this place since there is nothing much else to do but to rub shoulders with the nearest window slut,which is to visit the washroom located outside within the complex.
On your way back another window slut sees you as a competition and aims to brush past you with her tush so upright it looks as if she is out to maim you so that she can have more chance of fishing for something bigger than seafood.Your feathers rustled by this outrage,makes you keep your eyes peeled on her table so you know exactly what the heck she came here to eat.
It turns out she is amongst the second of the most (insert the P word here)ariah of Penang diners because she nonchalantly orders a meal for one and calls for three plates to save cost.Sheesh.
Believe me,there are so many of them at this outlet that it explains why the place is always packed.
Why not?Almost everyone is sharing their meal.
So if someone tells you they ate here and the food was so fabulous and blah blah blah blah,please do ask them if they shared their meal and did they order drinks?These harems of camels like to brag so much about their $5.50 portion,I'm beginning to wonder if they keep visiting the toilet to drink from the bowl.
When your meal arrives you tuck in and think,hey not bad.Taste is nice,slight hints of nice flavours here and there,with nothing overdone.This is because it is still piping hot.Once it gets cold however all the flaws will be laid bare.The much touted beer batter is the hardest and crunchiest I have ever come across.The only way to cut it is to bring along your own steak knife with you.Do exercise caution and handle the cold batter like you were trying to cut a cross between plastic and glass.Watch out for flying shards!
And the colder it gets,the drier the fish meat encased inside becomes which cause you to chew like you were chewing gum.
The salad mix that accompanies your fish meal is a good mix however the teaspoon of vinegrette on top of the bed just ruins the greens not because of the taste but how it disintegrates the leaves giving them a bruised look.The fries got so hard at the end of the meal,I could have knocked the display whore out cold, just by thowing it at her poison dart style,as I remained seated.
Other than all the above,I find the drinks better than the food.Oh how would they know right?They're camels.

Hainanese Delights @ Hotel 1926

Update :
Avoided the crabs this time and I have to say that although still pricey,some dishes I complained about have undergone price adjustments.
Today,the substantial portions, justify the prices.
People in charge have scaled back on looking suspiciously at customers though can be still kinda busybody chatterboxes.There are many more young helpers now as well as indian/bangla staff in kitchen helping the mainly chinese chefs.
Food can be quite salty if you're not used to it,otherwise,a much better experience than the first visit.
And definitely authentic hilltop Hainanese cooking.
Good job.

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I always had a suspicious feeling that they would slaughter us here and this kept me away for a long,long time.Why?Because from the outside it looked like some typical chine dine in joint from the european continent,yet at the same time it was housed in a cheap restored hotel (i.e.similar to Salsa's on Penang road which is found inside a budget hotel)
Once I stepped in for the first time, however I was really,really surprised.It looked like a missionary school canteen,what with the chatter and din from various customers.Thank goodness for the good air conditioning,ventilation and very expensive insulation found on the outer wing's awning.
So,considering what it looked like on the inside,I presumed that I was wrong but when the menu came,I was kind of correct.Prices are between a 3 star coffeehouse and today's Tek Sen on Lebuh Chulia.Very expensive indeed for this kind of set up.I find it extremely hard to see how this place can justify their prices because compared to hilltop  restaurants,they probably forgot that they are now on the lowlands,therefore transportation charges remain the same,ingredients are not hard to come by,various markets are just a short drive away,water and essentials are not hard pressed issues.
I must add though,that I did find the white marble Malaysian made coffee cups rather quirky and lovely at the same time.In no way though,can it replicate the colonial grandeur of the old days.
Part of it has to do with the waiters and overseers that comprise of an undernourished Serani looking old woman and younger girl(probably mom and daughter?),the rotound bespectacled and polo shirted overseer whose stomach appears in any doorway before his face,and a middle aged office clerk type cashier that keeps a hawk eye on you till you just have polished off your last plate before presenting you with the checque accompanied by a whole basket case of filmsy excuses for her intrusion.
To our utter surprise the spring roll was exceptional,coffee too and on first impression so too the lamb dish.But that's where the honeymoon ended.The food here though authentically hilltop colonial days style Hainanese kitchen,ranges from excellent to major flunk especially when it comes to the usage of cheeses.No,you absolutely do not use the same Italian spices to flavour every cheese dish.It will end up tasting like a strange pizza pudding.
We tried the western soup,it was as bad as James Foo's at Fettes Park.The crab baked in shell was terrible.Not once did it taste of crab.Instead,due to over reliance on mayonnaise,one could not tell it apart from a chunky tuna sandwich.
At first bite,the lamb tasted absolutely delicious,but once it cooled down,I could smell the freezer and later lamb fur.I reason that either the freezer needs a good clean out,or there are less customers that eat lamb,hence the lamb hibernated in there till we came along.Oh yuck.
Portions for the local dishes are very generous.but the western ones are too tiny in comparison.

The thing that I hate the most here is the fact that the staff constantly pops in to check on you and your table.At first,I thought they were there to watch out for plates to clear.But no.
They are lookouts just in case you decide to abscond from paying for your meal since there are 3 exits.
Now,I found that plain rude.Why don't they allay their worst fears and just close 2 exits?
Then again come to think of it,it made me wonder,just how many rat diners like these do we have in our midst?
I once saw two young and nicely dressed ladies pull a fast one on Xian tea outlet at Queensbay.We were sitting next to them,they dilly dallied till most of the staff moved inwards and then made a quick getaway.I sincerely hope they weren't bloggers cos they did take a few pictures.The shell shocked waitress who was responsible for their table probably had to cough up their bill cos when she summoned her superior,he glared at her and pulled her to the back.
Another time two elderly men in their 60s.went to the nasi melayu at Uda flats,one lined up,saw the chaos,took his utensils and ate without paying.Even though the owner knew he didn't and asked him 3 times,he claimed he had paid.The other was sitting with his elderly mom who ate a whole fat fish,meat,tons of veges(boy could that old frail looking woman guzzle food faster than a python) etc,claimed his bill flew away,claimed her huge plate cost $4 and his $5(for your info the nasi melayu here is as cut throat as the nasi padang in town so $4/$5 is a big fat lie,unless they only limited themselves to only one meat and one vege,each).
Then near Sg Kelian,a customer wearing a motorbike helmet and dark glassses,mingled around,actually scooped dishes onto a plate,handed it back to the owner,and when she turned her back on him to pack it for him,he stole my packed lunch from under her nose and scooted off on his bike.Thank goodness I hadn't paid for it yet.
Where do these diners come from?Sheesh.
Cannot afford to eat,don't aim for free eats lah.

So in short,were the people running Hainanese Delights,right in doing so?
Plain rude to distrust honest,full paying,no free lunch customers like me,that's what I can tell you.

Also if you look at certain blogs and find that those bloggers ate a huge amount of dishes,they probably had a free lunch.
See,one spring roll costs $6.Yes just one,not a whole plate but just ONE single spring roll.
The lamb dish is $35..Mixed veges $10.Omelette around $8.
Do the math and the amount would have been a princely sum for this unpalatial place.
Now you know.

Chai Seafood @ Jln Batu Maung village road frontal

You walk into this simple looking place ,that runs along the fence of Penang airport and you think that since this is such a small operation with so many tables filling up with so many families perhaps the price also small small.
No! They dare to charge big big,like 60 percent more than any seafood restaurant in Bukit Tambun or higher than most seafood restaurants in Georgetown and even Relau.
So don't be misled by the small village look that kinda reminds you of some places in Butterworth.The prices here are not Butterworth price.The prices here are sky high for such a get up.You are paying for the aircond and the airport sound.
Taste wise is good.the normal type of good you get from small restaurant fare.But price wise,anyone that's ever been here will complain and bitch about the price except for those that don't have to foot the bill of course!

Sin Kheng Aun @ Lorong Chulia

UPDATE 26th september 2010:
I noticed that since I dared to criticise this place I have gotten some really nasty hateful spiteful comments.Part of it is due to my ignorance because I didn't know that the Hainanese that pride themselves on being so, are actually watered down and thus no more speak the language because of intermarriage between other clans.I have Hainanese friends that proudly speak to each other in Hainanese therefore I was just wondering if this is a Hainanese joint why they didn't speak to each other in their mother tongue.Well I received an education in this department for being so ignorant as well as a tongue lashing from my friends for being so insensitive to intermarried Hainanese
Then I started asking around.A lot of this place's-used-to-be-regulars had this verdict.When the bill comes it is sometimes up and sometimes down.I suppose because it goes according to market price but customers were not informed and therefore they got peeved by this.next complain from them is ...they wish it were as good as before.
If the owner is taking note of this.I am not trying to get you down.Just improve and don't stop giving up on customers that demand great food out of you,for there is something missing and only you know what it is.
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I beg to differ on this one.
I thought long and hard about why this has been around for 70 years.
Either this joint used to be popular on days mother didn't want to cook or since Love Lane is just next door, men took their mistresses who wouldn't or couldn't cook,here, for a meal.

The pomfret gulai is overcooked,it feels as though the gulai were precooked and the pomfret just separately boiled or steamed and added on top.As such although the gulai is pretty ok(most penang fish gulais are pretty ok in general)the fish did not have a chance to absorb part of the taste from the many herbs and spices that went into this dish.To top it off,the darned fish is cut up so even if they were to give you the fake tau tay pomfret ,you really wouldn't know would you?

We had the misfortune of being recommended the soup of the day which was too kar kiam chai thng(pork trotter and salted vegetable soup)
When the basin (yes basin)of soup arrived it was so crude to see more 'too kar' than 'kiam chai' I felt like I was watching a pig drown with one mutilated leg pointing upwards to the sky in the soup.When I investigated the accident scene I only found 2 small pieces of kiam chai inside.Then I bravely took a sip and the soup honestly tasted more of preserved plums that we use to steam fish than kiam chai.The generous owner offered to fill our basin with more soup...I stopped him.He was shocked that I did.I couldn't care less what he thought

Since when did Hainanese people speak to each other in Cantonese?This is supposed to be a Hainanese joint right?I am truly confused.

I will only return for the assam prawn.That's all ! Nothing more.

Ang Hoay Loh @ Perak Road (Chinese association bungalow)

I'm gonna be very rude here.Don't read further if you find rudeness offensive.


ONLY IF YOUR MOTHER DIED AND YOU ARE A LOUSY COOK DO YOU COME HERE

Because any hokkien family from Perlis down to Singapore can cook these dishes.

Most of the dishes are not authentic Penang dishes with the exception of oyster mee.

Don't be conned into paying a premium price for what is basically YOUR MOTHER CAN COOK BETTER average home cooked dishes.

By the way the baking powder prawn puff is one of the worsttttt I have ever had in my life.

Salsa's Restaurant @ Hotel Continental

1. Got lots of mat salleh here dining which means locals HAVE to compete for the waitress attention

2. If you are a local,in order to get better service it is best to order a bottle of wine or liqour.Or dress stylishly chic or casually rich! How stupid considering the food is average priced.

3. Food taste and presentation may be great from entree to main course but cake desserts here are lousyyyyyy. What a terrible way to end the meal !

4. Locals that dine here mostly act and dress very "up". You know? The kind that like to make you feel uncomfortable even if they are just regular wage earners? The type that wants you to believe she/he lives in a supercondo instead of a flat?

5. There are reminders on every table to rein in your kids(how rude!).You will not miss it they printed it on both sides and stuck the laminated reminder in the middle of the table

6. The manager looks like an oily faced and haired fan of leslie cheung who's still stuck in the 80's.someone get him an oil blotter.

Lang Sae Lee Thai homecooked food @ Tan Jetty

1. the most overrated food outlet everrrrrr recommended by penang bloggers

2. have you been to pulau ketam?this place is one notch less dirty but still disgustingly dirty nevertheless

3. food costs as much as an in an air conditioned 3 star Thai hotel but tastes like a zero star fleabag hostel
 
4.got dog lying around scratching himself and even half naked kids running around with their ding dongs exposed

Crepe Cottage @ Gurney Drive(night)

1. only meant for those that love meals that blow their brains out cos extremely pepper laden as if it were chilli padi

2. everything is loaded with black pepper/green pepper/or white pepper I don't know
 
3.Don't be fooled by harmless sweet looking little old lady that look like santa claus wife.she really like her stuff hot hot until you become asstronut wan

Yakiniku teppanyaki Japanese Restaurant(grd floor) @ Tg Tokong

1. now I know why they emphasise on the name YAKI

2.service so crass it feels like its a brothel.kitchen helper lady sit like lanchia kia while she pick at vegetables at the counter.where she come from?sia boey ar?

3.food lousy,presentation lousy.all food come on clay tan plates with no sequence of order that no make sense at all

4.only got one chef only .he won't bother to heat up the other teppan 2 cook in front of you if he is so happen cooking on the other teppan

5.they like to serve sloppy and cool food

6.lighting bad plus workers clothes never wash cos not enough detergent.I think is to encourage people to wipe their hands on their clothes

Gurney Drive Hawker Center

1. Ask any local to take you here and they will try their best to dissuade you because ,the food quality is so bad that we're too ashamed to take anyone here.Penang food is very finely prepared with lots of tender loving care taken to so that finicky eaters will be satiated and return for more.There is none of that over here.Food is roughly prepared,sloppy and done in a great hurry due to the great volume of patrons.

2. Variety no good.There are countless stalls selling assam laksa that is more to KL taste(sourish more than sweet),and Penang Rojak.

3. Beware of the prawn cracker from dancing pasembor man.You might end up with food poisoning cos the prawn in  it has actually gone bad

4. Fruits cost sky high