Sri Batik Nyonya Cafe & Yuan Izakaya @ New World Park

Was walking on the main road of Jalan Burma headed towards New World Park from the direction of Penang Plaza,when all of a sudden,from the corner of my eye,what I thought I saw,made me stop in my tracks,backtrack and take a good look again.
Two doors were left open,one on the ground floor and the other on the landing at a 45 degree angle above it.Curiousity got the better of me,and I decided to snoop around.
I found out that the ground floor belonged to Sri Batik while the top was Yuan Izakaya's.

Both kitchen's backdoors faces the back alley,between the coffeeshop and New World Park.The dark of the night,fully exposed its going ons.
Sri Batik won hands down for gross out shock factor.Yuan Izakaya trailed not far behind.The japanese restaurant was not THAT bad compared,not bad indeed as a prime hotspot for contracting some nasty bugs embedded in your sushi.

Over at the nyonya kitchen filthy,dirty,messy and wet conditions greeted this vigilante.
With ingredients strewn all over the perpetually flooded floor was ,was a lady doing some washing huddled in squat position.
This was terribly crammed quarters for a place that prided itself for displaying elaborate Nyonya inspired decor in the dining area.
Pretty much like buying a shiny designer bling bling apple and finding out that the core was rotting away.

Remember the newspaper advertisment that shows a 5 star diner with a third world street kitchen behind its closed doors ?
Well both of them are potential poster childs for their respective categories of food establishments.

Business wasn't that good the night I was lurking around,in fact there was not a single customer to be seen.
Staff could be found sitting on the outside benches across the entrance of the restaurant,with a fed up pall on their faces.
Didn't bother to trap up to Yuan,just couldn't stomach the farce one minute longer

OK FC

Warning:  View this video only on an empty stomach.

Hammer Bay @ Queensbay roundabout

This fellas place is popular because of the view of the Penang Bridge and the ridiculously priced seafood.
At $8 per standard size of ikan pari,$4 for one tomyam soup and $5 per plate of deep fried sotong it is a price others find hard to match on this island.

His customers are truly muhibbah,Malaysian to the core,
from Mamak towkays and their entire clan in tow
to groups of Mat and Minah Rempits
and Ah Bengs and Ah Lians who've just finished work at the nearby complexes all having a great time until the waiting gets too excrutiating,which is often.
The ultimate example of all our amazing oneness would be,that,one operator even offers black crabs which the muslims are prohibited to eat.I suppose it goes into the same cooking pot yet it attracts no controversy.

If I am not mistaken the owner was issued with a notice by the MPPP last year to vacate the beach area where 3 registered ikan bakar businesses,a crocs shoe pirate,toy and shisha peddler also operate jointly from.
He shot back demanding for compensation,dragging in the race card as well as the backing of an aggressively zealous on the verge of maniacal political party while crying out loud that he would loose up to RM$3,000 per night if they were to demolish his stall and he would fight them to the very end like how the infamous Do Re Mi at Tanjong Bungah did,if that were to occur.

Do a simple math and that shows you that he earns up to RM$100,000 in small change,per month,perhaps inclusive of the RM$2 parking charges that he imposes on each car that parks in the vicinity of the beach area.
Yep,it's his grandfather's road,if he would have you believe.

The trend that he has started has manifested in more hawkers who have even gone to the extent of pitching in open air tents right smack into the grassy turf,piling their trade after the second roundabout.If the council doesn't act soon,likewise they (let's call them Earth Princes) who peddle corn,kites,clothes,burgers,toys,etc too will start demanding for their right to squat there,the instant enforcement shows a whimper.The used to be beautiful strip that still attracts dating couples,singletons and picnicking families is truly in danger of being an overstepped dumping ground of an every night seaside pasar malam obstructive spectacle.That time all the bachelors,lovebirds and sundry will be given 'the look' to vacate the trading posts of the almighty illegal hawkers.If you continue supporting them,they will one day bite back,and tell you where your boundary is,where you cannot step,where you cannot go and what you cannot do,on what used to be a free space originally meant for leisurely activites.

So alright,I take it that he's doing us a service,being a provider of affordable food on our increasingly expensive island.
However many things here need a second take.

First of all if you choose to sit too close to the waters edge,you might cut your pretty feet on the illegally reclaimed extension from the original small shore, that's full of construction debris.Apart from courting collapse and drowning (the waters here have swift flowing undercurrents and are deep,so watch your kids)please do not come in stilletoes or they will be destroyed by sand and sharp bricks.
Besides that,there is a foul odour ponging from the sea side to spoil your meal.I didn't want to check where their drainage system went to nor inspect the loo.Times like this,intentional ignorance is bliss.Besides I didn't have the stomach for some revolting discovery either.
Due to the volume of diners,the fact that the entire place does not attract pests like flies and cockroaches is mighty puzzling.
Then if you take a look at the cut fish meats on display and notice that it is off colour yet does not smell fishy is another cause for concern that chemicals or preservatives might have come into play here.
The medium sized prawns and chicken meat are definitely hypermart produce.The chicken meat is on the verge of spoiling and the tiger prawns are so expectedly plastic.
Plate after plate of deep fried,lightly crumbed sotong that decorates almost every table,comes from a wok that has never seen a change of oil the entire night.

He makes up for all this with winning recipes for the grilling sauces as well as dips.It is fiery,delish,pulsating and unforgettable.
Also,although he may look like he's never had a change of clothes since the 90s,occasionally some mini skirted 'beb's(with a slit!) discarded by or unable to hook up with the motor boys that hang out opposite Jerejak Island will attempt to catch his eye.Don't know what the outcome is.

Hygiene is a major concern here so you eat at your own risk.Do not bring your tourist pals unless you intend to disgust them with the gross muddy effluent smells,sticky indon kongsi style cantina tables,quick rinsed cutleries and extremely long waiting period(minimum 45 minutes).
For entertainment (when the waiting gets too nerve wracking) head over to the kitchen at Seri Pantai where two crazy fishes,one an Arowana and the other Idonnowat,that are stacked atop one another,like to pretend to bite your finger the instant you touch the glass divide.
Then shift your eyes over to the cash register between the 2 crazy fishes and a smaller fish tank,look downwards at a yellow laminated paper stuck onto the wall.
It outlines a BRUTAL work philosophy plucked surprisingly from Prof Ungku Aziz.A wake up call to his workers,that's just so shocking and funny all at once to us diners.
On the same note,however many Sing kah pore eans and Indian tourists somehow seem to enjoy themselves here tremendously,with nary a peep of outrage or complain.
Wonder why......

Mr Pot @ Gurney Drive

It started off as nice hangout until they got ambitious and opened a branch in Upper penang road which has since closed down.
The entire outlet is in dire need of a good scrubbing.
The cushioned rattan chairs are meant for human skin stick to them like super glue because when you dislodge yourself from the furniture you help the semi comatose and highly overworked or overbored staff perform some silent gotong royong clean up campaign.

Most patrons still hangout here for the beer,the wifi and the view.
Some perhaps are on a death wish hoping for lead poisoning due to consumption of pollution laden dishes to take toll and mercifully kill them in their sleep.
Come to think of it,this could be the reason why they have semi comatose staff.
For me the only plus is the very attentive and freshest looking guy that oversees the operations.
Later in the night some burnt out looking chap that looks like he really needs a good bath(or an intensive hydro detoxification process) will order this earlier chap around from the comfort of his chair.
I presume it is the owner.His bloodshot eyes scared the crap out of me.
Food is not bad on the whole but how to enjoy in this kind of kitchen grease/roadside dust and exhaust pipe effluents smorgasboard of such itchyfying conditions?

Lang Sae Lee Thai homecooked food @ Tan Jetty

1. the most overrated food outlet everrrrrr recommended by penang bloggers

2. have you been to pulau ketam?this place is one notch less dirty but still disgustingly dirty nevertheless

3. food costs as much as an in an air conditioned 3 star Thai hotel but tastes like a zero star fleabag hostel
 
4.got dog lying around scratching himself and even half naked kids running around with their ding dongs exposed

Ghee Seng Thai Tomyam @ Weld Quay

1.Seafood not fresh

2.taste more to Haadyai cooking which you won't enjoy if you prefer central thai or northern thai food

3.dirty.oily,totally unhygienic