Sister's Char Koay Teow @ Lam Heng Cafe,Macalister Road

They made obscene amounts of money during their heydays and cleverly invested them in various properties.

If you are trying out Ah Leng CKT (no,I am not recommending Ah Leng, as he is inconsistent and the end product comes out half cooked or misssing an ingredient) ,do keep a look out for an office building between the Esso,Perodua showroom and that corner lot coffeeshop.

That's one of the buildings in town,these sisters own.I don't know if the hair salon is still operating on the ground floor, but it also sports their namesake.


When it comes to their CKT,it used to be good many,many moons ago when Penangites fell in love with the fact that they added a dash of snow white crab meat on top.
The crab was what made them fab.
We couldn't get enough of it.Didn't mind paying at that time.
Plus they also used self produced peanut oil which made the dish highly aromatic.

Fast forward,this place is a sad shadow of its prime.
No more as good.
Any Penangite who points you in this direction, probably is so homesick,it's hard not to blame them for being caught up in reliving the nostalgia of the days of old.

The inside is extremely dark,humid and dingy.Very hard to see. They don't even bother to upkeep the place. Just looks so greasy and dirty.

Today,the verdict ranges from "Hype" to "waste of time" to "ordinary" to "bad service"


What caused the exodus of customers ?

1. The fact that they were the most expensive and dared overcharge just because they used crab meat.
2. The dish simply did not taste good anymore,lost its sparkle,as if it were fried with a grudge
3. The stuck up,avoid eye contact,fed up of customer interaction,attitude of the friers whose ice queen presence greeted everyone who walked into the shop
4. Chaotic,long waiting time,forcing one to order other foods before your CKT finally made its appearance.
5. Everyone could see that the sisters frankly lost their care and passion.They were just frying for the sake of capital M only.Quality control went out the window in their frenzy to earn more.
6. As if that were not bad enough,the coffeeshop owner charged irrationally sky high prices that angered many and that frankly like what happened in Swatow Lane,it really was the price of accompanying drinks fixed by an insatiable greed for more profit on the part of the kopitiam owner, that eventually sealed the final nail in the coffin for this sibling enterprise

Wantan Mee Stall @ Yi Garden Cafe,Macalister Road

I covered this stall in an overall post about Yi Garden Cafe before somewhere in October last year.
Somehow overnight,business has picked up.
Almost every table now has a bowl of wantan or noodles.Almost every customer who arrives here chatters about this "must order" must have,most excitedly.

What irritates me now is that although the taste is almost unchanged

1.  Instead of 4 large wantans packed with minced meat and prawn,they now give you 3.I don't know if he was being sneaky or he accidentally left it out,cos I never checked with him why.
2. The wantans are wrapped more carelessly now as if their foreign staff were churning it out like factory hands with no quality control
3. The char siew is totally inedible,stinks of fermented cheap wine
4. There's too little vegetables cos they wanna stretch the supply
5. The people running the stall look more,yucky,oily and dirtier than ever
6. Waiting time is too long and there are many people standing around crowding the small walkway in order to wait for their take away
7. Never come on a Monday,their busiest period when Sim Kim San is closed

Xian Ding Wei @ Queensbay Mall

I used to like coming here for a tete de tete after an exhausting round of shopping as the service staff here is wonderful.Not that the tea was great but more so because I liked the environment.
Heard of horror stories with regards to their KL staff but I really have to vouch for these gems here.
They're unobtrusive,attentive,sweet tempered,most of all,a really nice,happy bunch.

The nice sofas,good food,friendly staff made one feel right at home.
Burning candles beneath upraised serving bowls that dotted almost every table made it more exciting yet personal and intimate all at once.

But now the winds of change have swept in,where they seem to have taken bolder steps to introduce us to more chor loh taiwanese cuisines,that have been scaled down in portion and the extensive list has been wittled down to a large kindergarten school picturebook menu.

Thus the new menu meant

1. That some of my favourite dishes were struck off the list
2. That the new main course portions have shrunk in size
3. That some so called tempura dishes end up terribly chewy
4. That there are MORE pork and offal dishes
5. Not that it is better,but the lean pork meat is now extremely dry,almost inedible
6. That you get tempted by sizeable discounts on certain dishes that run out fast and thus you have to wait like a fool for the chefs to whip up some more
7. That the bamboo charcoal tofu is heavenly while the scallop tastes like shit
8. That the soups that come with their set meals now tastes like longkang water
9. Even worse,the pork inside the soups now even come with pig hair.Tsk tsk hygiene...hygiene
10. That what looks like kimchi on the side dish platter is not kimchi but taiwanese style pickles which are piercingly vingerarish and sweet all at once
11. They have taken bold new steps to introduce you to more authentic taiwanese cuisines which can be either a liberating or wild toilet experience depending on how your stomach can take it.
12. Which some regulars might hate or take time to get used to

Sea Pearl Lagoon Cafe(Hai Choo Hooi) @ Tg Tokong (Dinner time)

Shut away from the main road,and situated at the end enclave of a small quiet Hakka fishing village,this eatery at the water's edge, assumes a mini carnival like atmosphere at night.

Parking is a limited open space juxtaposed by a chinese temple and an abandoned relic on the opposite side of it, that can give off rather eerie vibes even during the day.

Walk in and the first thing that catches your eye is a hawker selling spring rolls that taste more like a vegetarian version of Roti Babi than a thin crusted spring roll.
The filling,was still disgustingly fridge cold even by the time it got to our table and that kinda spoilt it for us.
We had to up that, by ordering the calamari with fries.
Awfully amateurish salt and pepper dish that was.
Thank goodness we had the presence of mind to forgo the spring chicken.

Then there's the satay stall manned by a glum faced lady.If coriander powder is right up your alley,you'll like this tender skewered serving.Don't even think of asking for ketupat cos there's none.The raw onions are too tough,lost their crunch and moisture,same too for the cucumber.

Didn't try the grilled fish but from what I saw on other people tables it looked kind of dry.Noticed that they really took some time to finish it which kind of meant also that it probably wasn't that good either.

Should you like to sit near the large boulder,where the air is cooler,less smoky,less chaotic a din and the view especially at dusk is nicer,do bear in mind that not all tables are available as a few are almost always reserved.
Perplexing since we sat there for some time and yet no one turned up.Still the owner insisted that it was taken up.
Made me wonder if they had kept it for 'special guests' like what happens during stage performances held in the seventh month ?Creepyyy.
Inadvertly,you'll end up on the receiving end of a lung filling episode anywhere near the foggy kitchen,the hissing grill or the puffing satay seller.

The tsunami of 2004 had destroyed its original structure (not that it was attractive then,it wasn't,it's much nicer today)jolting the superstitious as to the ominous meaning pertaining to the washing away of Tua Peh Kong's stone lions.

That aside,I dare say that the baked crabs here are undisputably the best tasting in town.
Some Penangites will complain that it costs a bomb to dine here.But at $40 a kilo I think it's rather reasonable.
They're not exactly baked,it's a skill that entails quick boiling in a witches brew over a wok at high heat.
That the crustaceans are cooked wholesale with gills and all,may be something that visitors from other states might find revolting.
Those unaccustomed to this version of baked crabs may absolutely find it a complete turn off or love at first bite.
Much as I like the flavour,sadly it's just confined to the outer shell with insufficient cooking time for it to seep in and slightly flavour the flesh.

Worst of all,the crabs used these days are not exactly fresh.
Thus you'll be on the receiving end of some very mushy textured decomposing specimens.
Not to mention that are small in size.
Too small to pound with the bamboo mallet provided as a matter of fact without screwing up what little flesh you may wriggle out.
But that's just what it boils down to here,cos they take orders from you and you never get to see if the creatures are alive or frozen.Which is bad cos mudcrabs must be slaugthered just before cooking or (sadly sometimes it is cooked alive)or the meat will not be firm and disintegrate very quickly.

Salt baked prawns have been deep frozen for god knows how long.Absolutely NOT fresh.
Oh chien (oyster omelette) the worst I ever had in terms of freshness and taste.YUCK!

NEVER order the noodle and other chu char dishes.They're not churned out by the same operator.
They're bland as knitted strands of blanched threads drenched in too much chinese wine.Hopeless,tasteless,pale,regrettable.A perfect pick me up for drunkards and AA candidates.
The vegetable dishes are just as knuckle wringing.Over exposed to high heat,no more crunchy,tastes wild and very peasant like.Big yuck from one who likes her vegies.
Last time,I considered this order a major suck to an otherwise glutton's seafood banquet and sadly it still remains the same till today.

A quirky platter of used lime,placed next to the wash basin,is this cafe's idea of a fragrant end to a messy,table banging meal.
If only I could close my eyes to the spectacle of a prangin mall nerd gathering every last one of them and squishing them like he were massaging his thighs for maximum effect with his smelly crabby hands.

Yi Garden Cafe @ Macalister Road (Night)

Oh Chien Stall
I used to avoid the oh chien (oyster omelette)like plague when the old lady was there.Your order came like a big blob of starch that pooped out from the orifices of an unidentified lifeform.
The most tasteless oh chien on the whole island.
Then again. she had her fans who would order non stop so maybe it just didn't suit my alley.At least the oysters were fresh.

Today,a spec wearing guy has taken over.Whether he decided to improvise or cut back on the flour,I don't know,but it tastes like char koay teow-fluffy roti telur-omelette with not so fresh oysters
First in Penang.
Me thinks she didn't pass down her recipe.
Don't know whether I should laugh or cry.

Pan Mee Stall
This fella started off selling hokkein mee.He has the lineage to prove it yet he switched to selling this noodle.
Don't like his hand made Pan Mee even though the soup looks quite rich,since it is sickly sweet, but like the stall above he has his fans too.
He also offers chicken feet in the sweetest thickest treacle possible which strange as it sounds,was highly beneficial to health.I can't explain it,but eating this dish reenergised me tremendously.
These days he has watered down his original recipe and I find it not as nutritious as before.So no go.

Pork Offal Stall (out on the roadside)
Hate the small portions and long wait .
Sometimes I just think it is not worth the trouble.
I just don't understand why he takes so long to cook one dish even though there are not many customers.
If your table of friends order from every stall here,slowly take their time to finish their food,your dish still won't arrive.
Embarassing.

Wantan mee stall
This is a very close cousin of the Kowloon old quarter style soupy wantan mee (minus the stinging chilli paste and fake scallop flavouring)you won't be able to find in any Hongkong themed restaurant not even in Canton-i.
Served with fine springy noodles,more than the usual veges.I am always impressed at how they can even manage to include 4 huge prawn-pork balls for the ridiculous low price of just $4.

However hygiene is a cause for concern.The cook and helpers look like they would wipe their anything on everything.
Just close your eyes and pray to god nothing happens to your gut.

Choo Char Seafood Corner
Lots of people over order and over eat here.Just don't ask me cos I don't want to and never cared to try this out.The outcome just doesn't look right to me.Can't bring myself to even order one dish from them.

Kopitiam
Person behind the counter looks stuck up but actually has no airs.He's just probably bored to death.
Kopi is nothing spectacular just like Sin Kim San at the other end of this block cos I prefer the stick to the wall black as the night Air Itam version.
Overall condition :dirty and icky

Toh Soon Cafe @ Campbell Street

Thanks to tons of reviews by various blogs,they're now doing such a roaring trade.
It used to be a nice tucked away alleyway,with cool winds navigating past evesdropping on taxi drivers,office workers and old timers as they reminisced about their childhood days spent nursing that hot cuppa from a pipping saucer.

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU,that is gone with the wind.Outsiders are a major irritant,when they trepass on our favourite makan stops.Now one is left to stand around looking like a fool waiting for a space.From a relaxing spot,it has turned a depressing fullstop.Yall have turned it into a warzone.it used to have a slow and steady trickle of customers unlike the battlezone today.
We tend to turn the other way and head to other comfort zones just to avoid having to sit next to a table of dslr totting sluts accosted by their trigger happy pimps -_-

If you must know,not many of those blogs have told you about that ONE toasted bread on the menu that is a must eat which no one orders, except for locals in the know(people from Butterworth and especially Ipoh too will be in the dark with regards to this one).
You've all been recommended the wrong ordinary variety of toasts.And NO,I'm not talking about the wholemeal.They ciplak Oldtown on that one.
No,you're not getting it out from me either.My mouth remains shut,zipped,locked on this one.

Why bother putting this up?
It's not me but others that swear that this is nothing to shout about.
Well I suppose it's the same thing when I made my way all the way to THAT famous Terengganu kopitiam and ended up utterly dissapointed that I've tasted better elsewhere especially in Air Itam(again,don't ask where,I will not tell).

Apparently,throughout the Peninsula, the Hainanese have been long ago overtaken by another elite breed of coffeeshop owners spawning from the little town of Sitiawan known as the  BSO (Bicycle Shop Owner) race.The very people that churn out the Sitiawan sauce we so love to dip our dimsum into.
The Hainanese excell at coffee,the BSO's(I'm not sure if they're called Foochows but this is the term I learnt from my elders cos of the funny language they speak on top of their annual migration back to Sitiawan) do awesome teas and chams.

So if you were to bring guests from the mainland who swear by the " peninsular malaysia-infiltrated-by-sitiawan-kopitiams" version to Toh Soon,you'd better be informed that they will remain unimpressed.
Bring them to Toh Soon and these loyalists will huff,put their snout up and state that "this is nothing special"."What else have they got?"
Don't say I didn't warn you.

Anyway,this place serves standard breakfast kopitiam fare where half boiled eggs(did you know that we are the only country in the world that serves this?) are perfect.
The 4 unique things about this place is

1. it's breakfast all day.That's what makes it special.
2. somehow the coffee here is accentuated by the cool air along the corridor in which it is situated but if you like stronger more robust coffee,real kau kopi can only be found in the district of Air Itam.
3. they have that secret toast which clueless outsiders never order which is GREAT (woohoo!)news for locals like me.As for the other toasts I know a fantabulous place with better kaya elsewhere
4. they use charcoal 
5. Last time it used to be nice and quiet.Today you can forget experiencing this.

War of the two kuih stalls @ Pulau Tikus hawker street (night)

Actually there is no fight.I put the title as such cos sometimes I like to syok sendiri.

The first stall is helmed by an old man who is surrounded by his gaggle of old timer friends who seem to like to offer their opinion without being solicited for it,and the second a larger space,run by a man whom I think is in his forties.

Let's start with the first stall shall we?
The uncle used to get his supplies from some old ah chims staying in the vicinity.Last time it wasn't considered THAT wonderful compared to a lot of other stalls in Georgetown.
But today,this has become one of the only places left where one can still get handmade kuih that is not produced in a semi factory operating out of a pre war shoplot.
The downside to 2011 is the portion is getting ridiculous,he charges you like 70sen for a third of the normal size of what we used to get 3 years back.
Notwithstanding,he sells out rather quickly and then one is left to saunter down to the younger fella's place.

Which brings us to the second stall.
You make your pick from a motley of strange coloured,way too soft selection,asking yourself as you choose "Is This Nyonya Kuih?"
Perhaps this is evolution with the times,cos his kuih has managed to retain the taste,just not the look nor the feel.Don't ask me why cos I have no patience to make them myself even though I have been equipped with the know how from a young age.
Anyhow,his is definitely homemade.Homemade by a person who probably never knew what Nyonya kuih is supposed to taste,look and feel like.Chances are high that the chef is a foreigner who has been forced to churn it out from a mandarin cookbook thrust into his hands with no Myanmar/Nepal/Bangla/Indon translater present.
The good thing is,his cut is a N-O-R-M-A-L unlike the old man's P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C morsels.
Then once you finish picking,he will point to your loot from the older man's stall with a certain disturbed air about him and make an enquiry about his competitors pricing as if they were having a price war.
Ah,....so this explains why I put the title as such.Just that its a one sided fight.
If you ask him about his own pricing,he has no qualms telling you matter of fact that he charges 10sen more.
Me thinks maybe he is irritated that he has to wait longer when the uncle sells out faster.
Look a little harder and you find that he even has angkoo from the famous Eaton Kuih Centre.

If you've ever ventured to Eaton Kuih Centre at Jln Teh Ewe Lim,you'll be shocked to discover that it is actually a makeshift type of stall in a horribly gross out coffeeshop where hygiene is such a serious issue it's not even worthy of a review(for now that is,maybe later).
Go to Teh Ewe Lim once,and you'll never EVER want to step in again,no,not even for nice angkoo.

Golden City Cafe @ next to New World Park

Chinese mee rebus,mee goreng,fried rice,ice kacang with ice cream and Maria's wantan mee are the main items sold here.
Their regulars used to slowly filter in here for a truly laidback meal at snail's pace.
Food here was palatable,not exactly so great,you couldn't live without.
When New World Park and Tune Hotel opened,the spillover of customers saw a change in their fortune.
Business picked up.

The aunty occupying the front of the shop, used to fry a dry ajinomoto laden version of fried rice and added chicken meat plus a topping of crunchy iceberg lettuce on top,a version which I found to my liking cos I am an aji fan.
You can forget about it now.She now precooks the chicken,marinating it in some spicy sauce and deep frying it,so it can be tucked away for longer in the fridge.Also the iceberg lettuce has gone off radar.
Last time,her hubby sometimes took over the reins from her when she couldn't cope.I remember him being so bad,I swore never to order from him if he was behind the counter again.
The entry of her bespectacled son whom she clearly dotes upon, into the cooking sphere has practically screwed up her recipes.
His presence signalled the arrival of bad cooking,oily recipes,and sloppy half hearted attention to order taking.
I thought perhaps that only he was bad,that I decided to make another trip back just to make sure once and for all if I had to insist on her cooking and not him.
Wrong.
This lady loves her messy sweaty looking son so much,she now cooks exactly like him.
Sheesh.

Jin Hoe Cafe(Nasi Lemak) @ opposite Bandar Baru supermart,Pulau Tikus

This is another one of those ridiculous open for two hours only joints.
Come at seven in the morn and he ain't open yet..If you arrive after 10am,everything is gone.
The customers that he attracts are those that like to pack at least 20 packets at one go and also the Sadists that love the brutal sting of his sambal.
I Really do Hate the fact that us diners have been taught so well to obey THEIR rules.That we have to comply if we want to have the 'privilege'of tasting their produce.No,he's not rude but I don't think I am alone in feeling irritated cos his customers consist of an increasingly ageing crowd with the young too restless to endure the stupidity of such a no brainer operating hour.
So....what's so great about his Nasi Lemak?
This is of the Penang Nyonya/Southern Thai/Myanmar/Chinese/Indian influenced Nasi Lemak.Nothing close to the Malaccan nor Singaporean varieties.Most Penangites might think this as Nyonya but the lineage has been so diluted over time and by intermarriages giving rise to such a hodge podge dish.
I admit to liking his almost blackened fried fish,it's fresh and lightly marinated with assam but lately I don't know what has happened.
His rice has attained the texture of hard to digest pulut so much so that I would suggest that you absolutely have to tapau it in order for it to be further softened by the banana leaf wrap on the journey home....or risk choking since it is served very dry.
The prawns which used to be so delicious are now what I suspect to be of the farmed species and therefore unable to manipulate the spice and seasonings to the max.It now tastes flat.
The sambal is not of the malay style ikan bilis and onion variety.This is really sambal belacan which used to be more redddish in colour but also lately has been increasingly brownish in shade(chillies expensive mah)
The raw cucumbers would have a true blue Nyonya rolling up her kebaya sleeves to give his ears a good twisting for the sheer vulgarity of size and clumsiness in the cut itself.
Price wise has been kept moderate(below $4) but I fear if he continues dishing out such bad quality stuff which his dad would have frowned upon,his customers won't return for more.

Roast Chicken Wings @ Song River Cafe (Night)

You will find that his wings are not roasted to balloon thin,almost to the point of bursting just before you sink your fangs in,nor oh so crispy as before.
Know why?
First of all you have to take a good look at the owner,he's the taller of the two guys at the stall.
No he didn't get a new crewcut.He accidentally set himself on fire when cleaning a still hot generator with kerosene.
Poor fella,first the tree crashes and now this.
That's bad news as the result is not-as-crispy-as-before wings that cruise liners and even armadas recommended by word of mouth to foreign crews,passengers and sailors.
Don't worry though,he's not disfigured except for a small scar near his eye.
Now we just have to put up with skin that is slighty thicker and much sticker,with taste that is not as intensely addictive,and colour tone that ranges between pale yellow,sienna and malt brown,due to a mini phobia he has developed towards spitting fire.
Looking at the bright side of it however,I'm glad to have had the privilege of feasting on roasted to perfection wings,for a good part of my life.

Pak Cham Keh/Porridge Stall @ Bee Hooi Cafe,Pulau Tikus (night)

Please be informed that the original but expensive stall has now shifted to Lorong Seratus Tahun coffeeshop.It is only open during the day.Reason for shifting is they couldn't find workers....duuuh?

In its place is another stall hawking almost the same item.The new bespectacled female owner most times looks inappropriately dressed made worse by the fact that she likes to bunch her pony tail up in an irritating neighbourhood aunty gossiper manner.
Someone please call the fashion police.
She thinks she is a sexy Michelle Yeoh,
me think she looks like cinderella's stepsister.
Her assistants are 3 other males,one a fat human grasshopper,another a 60 yo plus stern yet harried looking uncle,and last but not least she managed to swing the tatooed foreigner with the big hole in his ear over to her side.

I haven't tried the food yet.Just so you know that this ain't the same old mom,pop and ex harelip young girl run stall.

Bee Hooi Coffeeshop CKT @ Pulau Tikus (night)

This used to my one of my favourite places for ckt at supper until lately when the ever smiling uncle changed his noodle supplier or his noodle supplier changed his recipe or the noodle supplier's machine got repossessed by some ah longs.
Please be informed that the noodle is now thicker than before.
If before it used to be delicately dimsum fine today it is definitely pasta thick.If before you had dentures today you might risk the embarassment of them getting stuck to the kuay teow and falling out of your mouth before you clumsily place the next chopstickfull in.
Plus ye merry ole slimebag now sneakily uses two types of prawns,one cheaper,one more expensive.
I just couldn't believe it.To be absolutely sure I gingerly cut each prawn into three pieces,scrutinised them and slowly chewed(there were two).Yup I was right the first time.
The noodle was such a lust buster this time round that I let my eyes wander off to explore the spectacle of an eye candy with two strong arms filled with mesmerisingly mouthwatering tatoos and a big hole punched through his left ear in front of me.Yea I got a thing for tatoos and earrings on the male of our species.Wait a minute...that WAS a ring he had lodged in his ear.Kinky,very kinky fella.
Wake up girl ! This is Pulau Tikus territory where pretty boys like him might not be interested in women at all.
So coming back to the uncle scrooge,he still fries a mean ckt and aunty osteoporosis still waddles your order to you.He needs to change his supplier soon.His noodle just doesn't cut it for me anymore.
Can somebody please tell him cos Imma too chicken to do so.