De Tai Tong @ Cintra Street

I used to love this place cos it stayed opened till midnight and sometimes beyond.
A bustling hive of activity that never ran out of anything you fancied.
That is until,their standards dropped so much in the past few years and they became more well known for selling lanterns come the mooncake festival,that the glittering glass paper curiosities threatened to swamp and engulf all the diners beneath.

Actually,that is a warning sign of troubled times.
Another is that popular dishes that used to grace every table are conspiciously absent.

I can't imagine that any Penangite will astutely vouch for this place anymore.
Funnier still is how,when things go downhill for certain establishments,portals like visitpenang.gov.my will come to their 'rescue' by going round promoting and riling support from unwitting visitors.

Nowadays it closes earlier,doesn't stock up on so much foods and runs out of everything by 10pm.
Not because it is sold out,but because lots of their used to be loyal Penang patrons. have lost confidence in the quality of foods churned out here forcing them to shrink back their daily supplies and operating hours.

We were well aware that their chu char dishes were not cheap,shrugged aside the fact that prices are not displayed on the dimsum chit.
Wasn't really a bother as long as what arrived on the table made the cut.
Thus although the final bill had the potential to be a heart attack whopper by island standards,we were prepared for it.

Today,I dare say,the pork they use in everything is highly suspect.
Doesn't taste like pork,heck,I don't even know what it is that they dare label pork meat.

Worse still you get purple dim sums,green dim sums and other creative crap dimsums that make your stomach churn.Dimsums with mayo and cheese.Ugh.
Which is not THAT smooth melt in your mouth,contrary to what some reviewers say.
Not to mention loh maikai that is reddish hued,a wee bit hard crusted and a tad too dry.
And paus that contain insignificant i-feel-cheated fillings.

Their sang meen was good once upon a time,so good it overtook in popularity a fella down the corner hawking a pathetic portioned haruan sang meen,until god knows where they obtained their recent supply of (rubbish?)pork meat.
It's now so shitty,rendering the entire meal sweet and useless,that it doesn't grace every table like it used to before.
Only fools like me would call for this.

Their duck dishes are a braised bucket of crap.Huge chunks of unappetising excuse for braised duck.
Fish dishes are insipid.Oyster omelette is way too overflavoured.

Thus you get more and more 'smart' Penangites who just for old times sakes will order just a pot of chinese tea,limiting their food intake to a small snack on the side.

Much as I used to like this place ....I'm sorry to say that it's extremely hard to stomach their menu offerings anymore.

Four Leaves Bakery @ Gama Supermarket

Honest to god,I really do hope the bosses will see this post and do something about the appalling state this once upon a time nice bakery,has fallen into.

Last time it was an army of mostly youngish fresh out of school staff,dressed in cute half scarves,efficiently manning the counter,over where the information counter sits today.

Today,sourish faced middle aged cashiers,the offspring of an eunuch clan,who cannot lift a finger,expect you the customer to shift the bread tray to the space right next to their cash register after the next customer has gone.
And they even have the audacity to greet you with a huge grin.

This isn't a friendly grin.
We women can read each other like a book.
This was a thanks sucker,smile of sinister satisfaction.
Which I do not find amusing in the least.

Thus today,was the last straw,when that medium length curly haired, late thirties to mid forties cashier,decided to squeeze 2 caterpillar breads into one plastic bag.
I curtly told her to separate them.

She shot the bag ,not me,a bloody fed up look,snorted like a cow on the last teethers of her overmilked tits and proceeded to squash my 6 purchases that cost a blood sucking total of $9 buckaroos ala mamak roti canai kuah style....into a single raffia leash.

This blood boiling action definitely warranted retaliation.
Not enough,she insidiously inspected the $50 I had handed over to her as if I were a swindler,against the backdrop of the ceiling light.
What did you expect?
Not caring if I looked like a moron,I just had to rub the salt into the wound,too.

I held my SIX bags of buns bunched into ONE purchase,up to the light,for a minute long forensic revelation.
She was lucky.
Took it out on the bag and string,looking as if she had grazed the breads but actually did not.
I would have rejected it and demanded a refund on the spot if it were.

Jeez talk about attitude.
These people should not be allowed to work in the service industry at all.
Sometimes we need to BE AS COCKY in order to rattle them? Get my drift?

Enough about the menopausal staff.
Let's go on to the breads.

The thing about this bakery is that their breads look good enough for a recipe cover.
However, looks ARE deceiving and depending on the time of year and fluctuating price of essentials,expect to bite into fluffed up,over yeasted or over chewy,over sweet,dough with 30 percent filling.
The dough itself is so sweet,it rockets to the roots of your molars and could cause tooth decay if one were to consume this on a regular basis.

And they're so notorious for thinner,slimmer,shorter,flatter breads each preceeding year,I won't be surprised,they'll all be biscuit sized one day.
Prices may seem reasonable but I've categorising them in the expensive category based on the fact that they're giving us the short end of the stick with zero value for money.

Turn over a whole new leaf and ship your labia circumcised aunties to some hell hole they deserve will ya?

Bak Moi,Pork Porridge @Kedai Kopi Ho Ping, Kampung Malabar (Night)

Located next to an alleyway filled with rats the size of kittens,with unwashed plates scattered on the roadside for them to trod,lick and scamper upon,this is one dish which you have to have been subjected to during your childhood,in order for you to show any form of appreciation for.
Waiting time can be excrutiating and just the act of ordering,an intimidatingly chaotic experience.

Even if you were exposed to this when young,doesn't neccessarily mean that you will ever grow to gloat over it.
Cos the smell is a major turn off,the cleaning a time consuming,tedious process,that it makes us prefer not to cook this at home anymore.

It stinks as bad as the day the pig wallowed in metres of muddy excrement.
So bad it penetrated every part of its body reaching to the furthest recesses of its internal organs that intense boiling cannot counter.

The chinese consider animal offals as a tonic for every corresponding part of the human organs.
Thus if one were giddy or wanted to score 19As for your SPM,one would consume pig's brains.
And if you wanted to perk up YOUR kidneys,you eat PIG kidneys.
Their spare parts are akin to our spare parts.
Doesn't make any sense,yeah I know.

Thus I have seen angmohs pulling back their heads,aghast at the sewage like vapour emenating from the piping hot bowl of liver,kidneys,brains,intestines,tongue etc etc in front of them.
Eyes bulging,confused that other diners find no offence,fear building up on their faces and beading in cold sweat,close to fainting and puking before giving up.

So please,look at the categories below and see which one you belong to.

If you are

1. a foreigner
2. or not a chinese
3. a chinese that has never eaten a bowl of mixed offals cooked by the chinese before

you should NEVER attempt this nasty,putrid dish,no matter how good/delicious/healthy a picture anyone paints this out for you.

If you do,you really have to get a barf bag ready,yes,even if you are French.
Cos it's like having Batsoup boiled with drain water chanelled from a subterranean farm beneath Gotham city.
And if sick doesn't get to you,the resident vermins would see to it that you do eventually .

Xuan Xin Steamboat @ Gurney Plaza (CLOSED DOWN)

How come they succeeded in Tanjong Tokong I really cannot see why,
except for the reason that they always turn away walk in diners,
by way of kindly 'informing' them that they have to book like months before arrival.
What bullshit.

But now as it is they have obviously miserably fallen flat on their face,7 floors up here.
There's no way for them to pretend,no darkened windows so everyone can see how many people come in and out of here.
No jockey,no excuse of lack of parking space for them to jack up the hype.
No booking ledger for any kind of show whatsoever.
Zilch.

Formerly occupied by The Cape,that no msg award winning chef hocus pocus place,
the current owner wasted no time in snapping up this prime lot,to offer us what they are best known for....steamboat.

BUT how do they honestly expect us to take them seriously when

1. the fishballs smell like the insides of a scaly underwear
2. emperor noodles turns your tiny steamboat into a bubble bathtub
3. fried fish meat contracts erectile dysfunction once out of the boiler
4. minced pork,looks like a blob of disintegrated,hammered swine floating to cloud,muck and screw up the surface of your hot pot jacuzzi
5. grilled satay is hopeless....tough as thrice microwaved squid tentacles marinated in rice wine .YUCK.
6. the soup bases do not compliment the dips,the dips assassinate the soup,till it goes into ICU inside you
7. they charge you 80 sen for a plastic glass of plain water which is why I call it pain water
8. luckily I didn't go a la carte or else sure CLT already

Half full,not satisfying.
All of which they still dare to tax you an additional 10 plus 6 for.
I tell you,the tax is the real killa.
The deciding factor which makes you never want to step foot in here again for another meal.

For freshness and value,it's better to head downstairs or downtown to any other steamboat place but this.

fake Nasi Kandar Beratur promoted @ George Town,Penang facebook

I would like to think that the administrators are not from Penang.If they are then they are really of the 'frog living under the coconut shell 'species,who never get out much.

Cos if they were,they'd never make a glaring mistake such as promoting the fake Nasi Kandar Beratur to all and sundry.

Not to mention quote the following to trick more people into patronising this impostor

"Wanna try one of Penang's best Nasi Kandar? Come back later tonight. It opens only at 10pm :)"

No,the real Nasi Kandar Beratur closes before 10pm.
It has no signboard or signage put up.It's just a little shack by the lane next to this broad daylight swindler and the mosque.
The original owners,never registered their brand name,never saw reason to,since the crowds had been theirs for the picking all these years,until that is, this Liyaqatali person came into the picture and took full advantage of the situation.
They legally registered themselves,and by doing so unscrupulously lay claim to the brand itself.
Though the real Beratur can sue them,being moslems,high probability that they're probably leaving their fate to the hands of their maker.

Now George Town,Penang facebook is saying that this is The Place,and it only opens after 10pm.
Wrong! Highly misleading and stupid of them to do so.


Fake
The real shop is small the atap roof on your left hand side.
Closes before 10pm nowadays for this impostor to do business.

I've actually put this up before,but since this has emerged on a page that constantly promotes food write ups by reviewers,I've listed on my "Worst Food Reviewers"page,I think it warrants a repost.

I'm sure they won't mind me lifting this picture and pasting it here since they can conjure red faced bloopers like this.
Surely, they're not THAT stupid,unless they've conspired and gotten paid to recommend the faker.

Satay Seller,Child abuser @ Jalan Baru

No,she's not the crazy old bird selling the weird Batu Maung satay at New Lane.
Which Jalan Baru it happened in,is not specified.Might as well name it Jalan Sehala.

Of late,many child abuse cases have been emerging, due to reports lodged by neighbours or strangers who fear for the children's safety.

This is a chinese lady wearing a bob cut.
According to local reports,the kid was bashed in front of other hawkers until he bled.
Outraged,someone,alerted the authorities.
When the police turned up at their home,both husband and wife threw plates at reporters covering their run in with the law.

If you want to view a video of the wife, click on the link below.
Just in case you're wondering,nope I don't earn a cent from it.

http://www.ntv7.com.my/7edition/local-en/SATAY_SELLER_NABBED_FOR_ALLEGEDLY_ABUSING_ONE_YEAR_OLD_BOY.html

Source : NTV7
-------------------------------------------------------------

Satay Seller Nabbed For Allegedly Abusing One Year Old Boy
14th January 2012

A satay seller in Georgetown, Penang was arrested by police for allegedly abusing a 12 month old toddler.

Timur Laut OCPD, ACP Gan Kong Meng said the 40 year old woman was arrested following a report lodged by the Welfare Department.

The one year old boy was purportedly being abused at a food stall in Jalan Baru, Penang.

The Welfare Department officer who visited the boy, found bruise marks on his face and back.

The victim was sent to Penang Hospital for treatment.

The satay seller is being remanded for four days to facilitate investigations.

Sin Soon Lee @ Sg Bakap,Jawi

We drove all the way in here,all for the sake of the so called, best in the world chai kueh.
What a blady waste of time.
Melt in my mouth,silky smooth, my ass.

You poke it with your chopstick,it collapses,as if it were a hopelessly,no skill,kanji molded piece of flour sheet crap,example of primate berak,a lump of white gooey undissolved sticky floury shit on a plate.
Pass me a fan before I hyperventilate.
Talk about the inside,the chives were steamed for way too long just to the point where they are just about to turn brown yet they're still green in colour,get it?

And you call this a dim sum shop?
I would never EVER dare label this as a bona fide dim sum outlet.
Everything is done so chor lor,so very roughly.
Very,very kampung auntie type of cooking.
It's bad,and it's not as if I look down on village food but I know some mean ones who can beat this hands down anytime.
There's soooo much roughly minced pork utilised in almost every dish.
Sticking out from every mini saucer,with the texture of game like meaty hash browns.
Made me wanna keel over and faint right there on the spot in Sty-le.
The fact that they're not chopped finer makes one feel as if we were eating it straight off a squiggly tailed behind,like some nasty carnivore.
Hints of eau de la hogwash,are an utter turn off.

Aiyo I wanted to puke on the spot.Yaaaaccckkk.And to think,I actually do enjoy eating pork.

The crab shell with minced pork was 'crabby' and 'porky' all at once.Bleaugh.Stinky.eeeeewwwwww.
Damnit.

Fishballs,are the colour of sun soaked yellowish grey cardboard,punched,punctured and unappetizing.
Jeez

This is so not pleasant,so much so I'm beginning to babble in Oink language.

We also ordered char tang hoon,which was a lifesaver cos it was the most bland dish out of the lot yet I found alright cos I was just so dazed ,knocked out by this very chinese kampung like ,farming community food.

Goodness,talk about hygiene,there's even a swiftlet hotel right next door.So clever.Makes it more tasty is it?

To sum it up,the environment gave me an instant headache,shoddy presentation sent my tummy topsy turvy, overdose,caused by pigmulnary resuscitation.

Half eaten,Fully paid,frothing at my mouth(ok I'm exaggerating here),
I fled far as my trotters could carry me, to the roast duck lady down the road,where I washed my tastebuds,mouth and internal organs,with as much juicy roast duck as I could possibly swallow,just to mask the babiness of it all.

Pang Hainan Seafood Restaurant @ Tanjung Bungah (opp Chinese Swimming Club)

Any of the local,middle aged, bespectacled chinese women that serve you here,are......

•  Idiots,hard of hearing,who pretend that they can hear your order perfectly
•  Morons,as such cannot properly jot down and pass the correct message to the kitchen
•  Born stupid,suffering from major neurological problems,that after making a mistake (without fail every single time)never have the balls to admit to it
• Afflicted with some mild but deep rooted form of psychosis,eyeballing you,as they lay the blame on you the customer,when amongst each other,then in the next breath proceed to backstab the kitchen staff when talking to you
• Split personality,mental case,dis-order takers,who switch from smiling aunties to frowning andartus the instant you point out THEIR mistake
• Brainless swines, IQ of twits,who have muck lodged in between their legs,ears,fingers and numbskulls

Expect at least one dish to come out completely wrong or missing some ingredient.
Honestly I don't know how this happens when the fatty at the back watches the kitchen helpers like a hawk.
The foreign workers must either be badly treated or underfed.
Or possess world class sleight of hands skills.

This is a real downright,rotten to the core,incorrigibly unscrupulous,bastard of an operator,whom,if you trawl the net will uncover complaints from other customers such as

• crabs missing major claws
• fresh crabs fished from the live seafood tank and switched with frozen produce
• dishonoring purchases made on discount sites,by blaming the internet marketers for making the 'mistake',insisting on changing what was initially promised in the 'deal',example:replacing large crabs,with small ones instead

Overall Review

1. Steamed foods - bit too much wine
2. Fried foods - too oily
3. Baked foods -done wrong
4. Gulais -expensive
5. Price -gets 'adjusted' higher when you demand that they take back the wrong order and whip out a totally new,correct order.When and if you do that,Miss Lim will instruct the kitchen to recycle it for you and then blame the kitchen in front of you,while frowning at your entire party once she's grouped up with the staff.This lady and every single one of her female assistants are real Tanjung Rambutan cases.
6. Hygiene- the kitchen is open,drive round to the back and you will see the disgusting condition
7. Parking-some of my friends have had their cars dented here before cos of the rather small space and drunkards that like to come here of late

Elephant Sanctuary Donation Scam @ Kuala Gandah

If you take a look at this very cute website,pleading for your help in maintaining the endangered beasts,please be informed that Perhilitan has in its website,dissasociated itself from the person or persons behind it.
The correct site which is
 http://www.wildlife.gov.my/index.php/bm/perkhidmatan-kami/kemudahan-rekreasi/385
has issued the following statement

Jabatan PERHILITAN ingin menjelaskan bahawa maklumat di laman web www.myelephants.org tiada berkaitan dengan Pusat Konservasi Gajah Kebangsaan Kuala Gandah, Lanchang, Pahang.

Laman web serta nombor akaun untuk tujuan derma tersebut telah diwujudkan tanpa pengetahuan Jabatan PERHILITAN.

 Jabatan PERHILITAN adalah bertanggungjawab sepenuhnya ke atas segala pengurusan gajah di Semenanjung Malaysia dan mempunyai sumber bagi menampung perbelanjaan aktiviti konservasi berkaitan serta tidak menerima sebarang kutipan wang daripada orang awam melalui akaun bank pihak ketiga

(We would like to clarify that the site as well as donation drive run by it,was set up without our knowledge.

Our Department has never accepted donations from the public via third party bank accounts)

This is the scam site http://www.myelephants.org/donation.html


Please spread the news unless you love showering some crook or poacher for all we may know with

1. Dumex Dugro 1-3 Milk
2. Anlene Gold 51
3. Nesvita Omega Plus
4. GPS systems
5. Camcorders
6. Glucose
7. Gula Merah
8. Insect repellant
9. Rice
10. $$$$$$$$$$$

Shouldn't they also be asking for fruits,handphones,LED tvs,laptops too?

Oloiya bak kwa @ group coupon,discount sites

This is the infamous bak kwa brand better known as.....

1. Wo Lai Ye 
2. Syarikat Kiew Brothers
3. Boxing chicken bak kwa
4. Cap Ayam

All of the above,are the same brand.Just called differently by various segments of customers.
Oloiya is the newest addition to this name game of theirs.More of a rebranding exercise to counter the losses suffered in 2011.

A surge of hits led me to investigate what the heck was going on.

I guess I have to thank Changjeff for raising the matter and blasting everyday.com.my for their unscrupulous trade practice in promoting this to customers on their site, even though the ministry still has not given the go ahead or green light,pertaining to food safety issues,associated to this brand.

Thus what you should know now also is all the sites that have been enlisted to promote this product so that you CAN make an informed choice whether you want to purchase it or not,or trust these sites after this.

I shall list as many sites as possible for you below

1. Everyday.com.my
2. Everydaycoupons.wordpress.com
3. Dealsnavigator.com
4. Dealsnavigator.blogspot.com
5. Webuy.com.my
6. Best-lah.blogspot.com
7. Freebiesland.com.my
8. 1000savings.com
9. Speciality-weekendtreat.blogspot.com
10. ilovedeals.my
11. Yumdeals.com
12. Malaysia.dataotuan.com
13. Dealshelve.com
14. 1000vouchers.com
15. Deals.bigsale.com.my
16. I-love-freebies.blogspot.com
17. Bakedeal.com
18. Hokangtao.com
19. Mysales.com.my
20. Allgroupondeals.com
21. Blipadeal.com
22. Foodtok.com
23. Primabargain.com
24. Alldealsasia.com
25. Monkeywee.com

If you're new here and you don't know what I'm crowing about,scroll down to Blog Archives on the right hand side of this page and check the June 2011 posting on Kiew Brothers.

New World Park foodcourt @ Swatow Lane

You need to know how this place materialised.
The owner of this formerly abandoned plot of land,was forced to utilise it,failing which he would have to hand it back to the government.
This is what I overheard from the rumour mill.Unconfirmed but taken as the true picture.
So,he came up with a great idea,to turn it into a foodcourt.

Now permission for the structure was meant to be temporary.
How to counter that?And hold on to his property long as possible?
Ahh of course,put it on the tourist map by engaging bloggers and food reviewers,who work hand in glove with the current state tourism office, to write positive reviews.

Fitting the exact bill,of people looking for 'new toilets' as what the chinese would say about new blood.Naturally optimistic,many a swarm,formed a buzzing beeline here.

Also,many disgruntled customers,had been waiting for the opportunity to teach the old coffeeshop owner at Swatow Lane a lesson.This was a long time coming, as Penang people never forget rude,cocky food traders.

These negative sentiments accumulated over the years, by the stuck up owners of Kafe Sin Se Kai, directly benifitted the scavenger hawkers,outside that once upon a time famous kopitiam.
As waiting time went up,quality went down,tempers flared,tiffs occured.
Leading to the long marginalised,hangers on that hungered for customers,finally finding their pot of gold across the street.

Tourists streamed in, because it was recommended by the state goverment and reputable food guides like Rasa Rasa.
Locals wanted to try it out.If they never liked the food there,they hid their complaints,cos of their disdain for the former haunt.

Kafe Sin Se Kai was left in the lurch,ditched like a hot potato,relegated to the cold room, their ice kacang and food never to be the same again.
Too late to save,when some had a change of heart and did an about turn,years later.
A real sad case.

A good number of the hawkers that uprooted here to New World Park foodcourt,were rather mediocre cooks,not know for hygiene.
Forlorn parasites on the road shoulder, waiting desperately for scraps of business to fall into their laps,much like beggars lining the path to Kek Lok Si ,from Sin Se Kai's customers,who got pissed with the awful wait and lousy melted ice kacang.

Try as they might,this much recommended gluttons corner is still sweltering warm.You sweat buckets, though the roof is sky high.
It is not a comfortable dining experience,it's like eating in an open air dingy Komtar outlet accosted by the rare dog that nicks scraps off the floor.

Please lah,if you call yourself a Malaysian or Singaporean, you will never say that this is class one.
Only the angmos would recommend this place all over the net.

Soon Lai Seafood Restaurant @ Lintang Batu (Night)

The food here is, I would say cheap,though not as cheap as Bukit Tambun mind you.
Because of that the crowd here is...... well,a swelling tide depending on the time of day.
Waiting period can be long but isn't so bad that you have to start knitting.

There are open air tables for smokers and a partially air conditioned indoor area, for non smokers which now and then attracts bloody lunatics, who like to park their asses in here and puff away.

The thing about this place is,it sometimes attracts some fat rich indian customers.
They talk very loudly, bragging about the datuks they know,which datuk is coming to join them for dinner and really order a heck of a lot of food.
Actually when the ushers ignore them,they'll throw status,dollars as well as their booming voices,just to get their way.Not used to waiting I tell you.
If you have the misfortune of being seated next to them,be prepared to hear incessant whinings and demands from this brat pack.

In one incident,a poorer chinese family was asked to vacate seats that they waited half an hour for, leaving the old folks hoping mad,the wife sour faced,husband with no face left and the baby bawling.

Service can be a bummer if you are unlucky.Some never get their food, depending on which order taker you get.

Drink maker needs to be harassed constantly,or you will never get it, cos its a madhouse in there I tell you.Some customers resort to waiting right outside the doorway just to self deliver their own drinks.

The Bad

Crabs -ok only.Downright hated the sauce.But their regulars lap it up like there's no tomorrow
Bayam thng-nice but too tiny a portion.However the taste can fluctuate from bowl to bowl.
Thai roasted Pork leg-too sweet,regretfully chewy sinewy crap that's mouthfuls of ligament fat after cellulite fat after half melted cartillage fat,with a faint whiff of pig sty perfume.Just gross!
Nestum whatever -is bleaugh...a whole tin of oily mangled unidentified nestum fart,garnished with bay leaves.

The Good

Crabs- not very expensive,quite fresh.
Kamheong lala -ok
Steamed kapah-sweet,tinged with chinese wine
Curry dishes-robust,fragrant,mouthwatering,very spicy,hot

Euro Deli @ Gurney Plaza

If I dare say, this gaudy white eyesore is probably visible from the peak of Gunung Jerai .
Looks like an unfinished partition barricade that's still under construction.Just so out of place,helping downgrade the same coloured Coach shop next door,into resembling a factory outlet store right smack in the middle of Changloon.

Moreover,before you decide to step in,one gets the impression that this deli places more emphasis on drinks, what with clusters of bar tables and stools dotting the entrance.
Thus,rather effectively deterring diners, who end up giving this a miss,turned off,under the wrong impression that the environment on the inside will be smoke filled,strongly reeking of boozers,boisterous and rowdy.

On the contrary, the inside is nice and cosy, as if you stepped straight into a real German restaurant by the lake, near the touristy 'you call this a forest?'  Blackforest.

Service staff tries a little too hard at times,can't blame them cos the place was virtually empty,but they did kinda of get on my nerves a bit with the 'overservice' metted to us.
I mean how many times should we report back to every staff as to whether 'everything is ok?',right?

I have to warn you that you may have to do many double takes, as well as countless encyclopedia like criss cross referencing on the menu,as the pictures have english descriptions beneath them, while the dish list sports European first names.A tad confusing.

Made it a point not, to order roast pork knuckles cos I found them to be such a humungous torture the last time I was on Bavarian soil . Even then,the beer was of no help.It was a nightmare to finish,that much I can tell you.Perhaps one day I shall brave up and order this dish,seeing that their angmo bosses have grown accustomed to our local preferences.Not today.

The only other angmo pork dish I ever enjoyed,was pork belly stewed with peaches.That, was really good.Not in Germany but all the way on other side of the globe, in the 3 main road, nothing to do 'city' called Queenstown.However the horrible winding road to the fjord eventually caused me to throw up that nice dish as I had also eaten a serving of strong smelling sheep intestine casing sausages which sent my head spinning.

Now,I have a confession to make.
I succumbed to Euro Deli's, All Day,buy 1 free 1 ,German beer on tap.
Oh my gosh.How could I refuse?

Of the four brands to choose from,two were not available.
After which,you have to indicate whether you want the dark or white one.

It came looking like a camels hoof encased in glass,but tasted real caramelly smooth,light,nicely cool,not icy cold with a hint of sweetness to it.Oh ....just the thing my parched throat needed.

So,for the first time,I really,really couldn't find fault with the menu,since the lager complemented the aromatic sausages,lightly sour sauerkrat,rich mashed potatoes,swiss like sauce and dollop of mustard most perfectly.

In short,my head swam a little,I smiled myself silly and aw shucks, I even looked at the food most lovingly.
The Honest Food Critique was honest to goodness, feeling kinda trashy and smashed.

Naturally everything tastes good and faultless after getting a little tipsy.
Which is why
you really shouldn't take my word on the quality of the meal here, unless of course you make sure your meal order is accompanied by a nice long pint.

Lastly I would like to kiss the ground for the opening of this outlet,as I totally dislike Ingolf Kneipe for their cocky staff and lousy laughable sausages.

Old Town White Coffee @ Precinct 10

Pros

1. Nice fittings to the point of being retro glam
2. Free parking at the moment
3. Since it's a brand new outlet ,all the ingredients in the kitchen will be for once....FRESH! Thus Safe to eat without getting food poisoning from cross contamination
4. Menus are new and not dog eared
5. Food may look pale,discoloured and sucked out of life but tastes better than it looks(it must be the lighting)

Cons

1. Drinks seriously no good,weak and too sweet
2. Too many fans,thus cooling the food and drinks down extremely fast.If you order ice cream it'll look like white dog poop melted down with cow's udder piss
3. In house music is too upmarket for a franchise kopitiam chain.More suitable for a jazz bar or a hotel lounge for goodness sakes
4. Scared inexperienced foreign servers who are afraid that the cups and plates will break upon contact with the table
5. Too many oily faced customers(it has to be the lighting) walking in,dressed in slippers and lousy t shirts as though they're going to the toilet stall at the back of the Air Itam jungle

Oh Gardenia

How stupid,that some Chinese are actually boycotting Gardenia just because it's associated to that Al Bukhary fellow.
How silly that some Malays actually think that all Chinese are boycotting Gardenia and just eating Massimo or High 5 or Roti Benggali because they really want to support Massimo.
How childish that some want to inflame us by telling half truths,dictating that we should eat Massimo just because it belongs to the dethroned Sugar King.

I'll simplify how this story came to be,by retelling you tales based on what I heard through the grapevines.Thus what you're about to hear,has reached my ears,by first being sieved past many cochlea tunnels and the whole truth though unverified,is generally agreed upon by the general gossip mongering populace as to how this no bread-ner episode bloated into yeastsentially nonsensical proportions

• Robert Kuok the former sugar king and of course croony of Mahathir was forced to sell Chuping,the sugarcane land where he makes his moolah.
• Fed up he threw a tantrum,took up residence in China,gained the trust of the Chinese and embarked on an unpatriotic crusade.
• That culminated in a Malaysian palm oil snub when "someone" recommend that the Chinese shove it to a Malaysian delegation that China had enough supply,preferring them to get their supply of palm oil from Indonesia rather than Malaysia.That powerful a person this is.To be able to dictate China's choice.
• And MFM felt that brunt of that,ripe for a tit for tat session,since it was a company owned by him
• Not happy that his pocket was to be pinched further,he goes and incites the malaysian chinese press with yellow bonfire inflaming hotcake selling,outrage boiling,headers.
• Of all things Gardenia has to play along and cry victim when actually the nail was in the coffin from a long time ago probably cos they want to plead bail out ? ala Rapid style? or what other devious plans only their directors might know or probably would have devised.Which all leads to that fella residing in China being the blame guy,if ever Gardenia were to call it a day

Thus this is not a bread war but rather a tycoon's personal war waged against his former cash cow country due to his reasoning that any unfair corporate force overs are probably racially spurred.
And the so called 'victimised' bread company is fighting the wildfire with an itsy bitsy microwave to camouflage their dwindling sales figure.

Don't be mistaken if you NEVER see me eating Gardenia,it's because of 2 main reasons

1. I never liked the fact that this brand could last a whole 2 weeks without cultivating some form of fungus and
2. I prefer High 5 the brand that can get fungusy within one week

Who the heck eats Massimo huh?The packing is horrid and unattractively garish,and it looks like a tightly wrapped expensive small bread condom.

Honestly Gardenia,you're just wasting your time with these stupid refutes.
Just buck up,use less preservatives,more flour,increase the thickness of your bread slices,lower your prices and Malaysians of all colours and creed WILL ignore the war cries and support you once more.
After all,we know that HE'S not gonna line OUR pockets nor divide his fortune equally amongst his customers even if we support HIS brand right?

Bad,bad,bad Gardenia and Massimo for both playing politics and fanning polemics.

Wantan Mee Stall @ Yi Garden Cafe,Macalister Road

I covered this stall in an overall post about Yi Garden Cafe before somewhere in October last year.
Somehow overnight,business has picked up.
Almost every table now has a bowl of wantan or noodles.Almost every customer who arrives here chatters about this "must order" must have,most excitedly.

What irritates me now is that although the taste is almost unchanged

1.  Instead of 4 large wantans packed with minced meat and prawn,they now give you 3.I don't know if he was being sneaky or he accidentally left it out,cos I never checked with him why.
2. The wantans are wrapped more carelessly now as if their foreign staff were churning it out like factory hands with no quality control
3. The char siew is totally inedible,stinks of fermented cheap wine
4. There's too little vegetables cos they wanna stretch the supply
5. The people running the stall look more,yucky,oily and dirtier than ever
6. Waiting time is too long and there are many people standing around crowding the small walkway in order to wait for their take away
7. Never come on a Monday,their busiest period when Sim Kim San is closed

Sin Chew @ Lebuh Katz

This is labourer class cuisine.
People,especially women come here because they don't want to sit perched on a tiny stool on top of another bench,diagonally across the road from Traders Hotel on Magazine Road.

Restricted to those who have been regularly dining on the fattest of pigs,offals and innards.
Sloppiest,roughest cut,grossest looking peasant style foods that tastes like a heavenly reminder of home cooked comfort food ONLY if you grew up on such a diet mind you.

Cholesterol is not an issue here,their rich ajinomoto soups being a major heartwarming draw.

What I would recommend that you avoid completely like the plague is their chicken dishes.

See,they're absolutely not cut out for fowl.
It smells ,it stinks,it's bad,it's horrid,its geli,it's jelak.
I took one bite,squirmed in my seat,spit out the remainder and chucked it aside.

Reminds me of the year old chicken cooped up by one relative,boiled,chopped and plonked on my plate to greet the new year.
For luck,they insisted I had to finish it,skin,meat and all.
Hard luck,after I dunked it in two tablespoons of ketchup,I retched all the contents of my stomach up .

Just don't,I'm not kidding.

Another thing you have to know is that this is a smokers den.They're everywhere.No way you can avoid them.They puff away like there's no tomorrow hoping you'll both meet on the journey to hell eventually.

Xian Ding Wei @ Queensbay Mall

I used to like coming here for a tete de tete after an exhausting round of shopping as the service staff here is wonderful.Not that the tea was great but more so because I liked the environment.
Heard of horror stories with regards to their KL staff but I really have to vouch for these gems here.
They're unobtrusive,attentive,sweet tempered,most of all,a really nice,happy bunch.

The nice sofas,good food,friendly staff made one feel right at home.
Burning candles beneath upraised serving bowls that dotted almost every table made it more exciting yet personal and intimate all at once.

But now the winds of change have swept in,where they seem to have taken bolder steps to introduce us to more chor loh taiwanese cuisines,that have been scaled down in portion and the extensive list has been wittled down to a large kindergarten school picturebook menu.

Thus the new menu meant

1. That some of my favourite dishes were struck off the list
2. That the new main course portions have shrunk in size
3. That some so called tempura dishes end up terribly chewy
4. That there are MORE pork and offal dishes
5. Not that it is better,but the lean pork meat is now extremely dry,almost inedible
6. That you get tempted by sizeable discounts on certain dishes that run out fast and thus you have to wait like a fool for the chefs to whip up some more
7. That the bamboo charcoal tofu is heavenly while the scallop tastes like shit
8. That the soups that come with their set meals now tastes like longkang water
9. Even worse,the pork inside the soups now even come with pig hair.Tsk tsk hygiene...hygiene
10. That what looks like kimchi on the side dish platter is not kimchi but taiwanese style pickles which are piercingly vingerarish and sweet all at once
11. They have taken bold new steps to introduce you to more authentic taiwanese cuisines which can be either a liberating or wild toilet experience depending on how your stomach can take it.
12. Which some regulars might hate or take time to get used to

Sea Pearl Lagoon Cafe(Hai Choo Hooi) @ Tg Tokong (Dinner time)

Shut away from the main road,and situated at the end enclave of a small quiet Hakka fishing village,this eatery at the water's edge, assumes a mini carnival like atmosphere at night.

Parking is a limited open space juxtaposed by a chinese temple and an abandoned relic on the opposite side of it, that can give off rather eerie vibes even during the day.

Walk in and the first thing that catches your eye is a hawker selling spring rolls that taste more like a vegetarian version of Roti Babi than a thin crusted spring roll.
The filling,was still disgustingly fridge cold even by the time it got to our table and that kinda spoilt it for us.
We had to up that, by ordering the calamari with fries.
Awfully amateurish salt and pepper dish that was.
Thank goodness we had the presence of mind to forgo the spring chicken.

Then there's the satay stall manned by a glum faced lady.If coriander powder is right up your alley,you'll like this tender skewered serving.Don't even think of asking for ketupat cos there's none.The raw onions are too tough,lost their crunch and moisture,same too for the cucumber.

Didn't try the grilled fish but from what I saw on other people tables it looked kind of dry.Noticed that they really took some time to finish it which kind of meant also that it probably wasn't that good either.

Should you like to sit near the large boulder,where the air is cooler,less smoky,less chaotic a din and the view especially at dusk is nicer,do bear in mind that not all tables are available as a few are almost always reserved.
Perplexing since we sat there for some time and yet no one turned up.Still the owner insisted that it was taken up.
Made me wonder if they had kept it for 'special guests' like what happens during stage performances held in the seventh month ?Creepyyy.
Inadvertly,you'll end up on the receiving end of a lung filling episode anywhere near the foggy kitchen,the hissing grill or the puffing satay seller.

The tsunami of 2004 had destroyed its original structure (not that it was attractive then,it wasn't,it's much nicer today)jolting the superstitious as to the ominous meaning pertaining to the washing away of Tua Peh Kong's stone lions.

That aside,I dare say that the baked crabs here are undisputably the best tasting in town.
Some Penangites will complain that it costs a bomb to dine here.But at $40 a kilo I think it's rather reasonable.
They're not exactly baked,it's a skill that entails quick boiling in a witches brew over a wok at high heat.
That the crustaceans are cooked wholesale with gills and all,may be something that visitors from other states might find revolting.
Those unaccustomed to this version of baked crabs may absolutely find it a complete turn off or love at first bite.
Much as I like the flavour,sadly it's just confined to the outer shell with insufficient cooking time for it to seep in and slightly flavour the flesh.

Worst of all,the crabs used these days are not exactly fresh.
Thus you'll be on the receiving end of some very mushy textured decomposing specimens.
Not to mention that are small in size.
Too small to pound with the bamboo mallet provided as a matter of fact without screwing up what little flesh you may wriggle out.
But that's just what it boils down to here,cos they take orders from you and you never get to see if the creatures are alive or frozen.Which is bad cos mudcrabs must be slaugthered just before cooking or (sadly sometimes it is cooked alive)or the meat will not be firm and disintegrate very quickly.

Salt baked prawns have been deep frozen for god knows how long.Absolutely NOT fresh.
Oh chien (oyster omelette) the worst I ever had in terms of freshness and taste.YUCK!

NEVER order the noodle and other chu char dishes.They're not churned out by the same operator.
They're bland as knitted strands of blanched threads drenched in too much chinese wine.Hopeless,tasteless,pale,regrettable.A perfect pick me up for drunkards and AA candidates.
The vegetable dishes are just as knuckle wringing.Over exposed to high heat,no more crunchy,tastes wild and very peasant like.Big yuck from one who likes her vegies.
Last time,I considered this order a major suck to an otherwise glutton's seafood banquet and sadly it still remains the same till today.

A quirky platter of used lime,placed next to the wash basin,is this cafe's idea of a fragrant end to a messy,table banging meal.
If only I could close my eyes to the spectacle of a prangin mall nerd gathering every last one of them and squishing them like he were massaging his thighs for maximum effect with his smelly crabby hands.