If so happen you are in any fastfood centre or any free space that anyone can convert into a no need to pay rent mobile meeting place or office for recruiting downliners,you just hope you will NEVERRRR have to hear this Chinese Yul Brynner speak.
He's big,he's bald,he's brash,he talks cash,he can single handedly make anything you eat change into Borhochiak trash.
He carries a backpack which contains his X files containing the Rich Dad(him) ,Poor Dad(you) principle to get you in Debt ed to him.
Worse still he smells like he doesn't believe in paying more for a better brand of detergent for his laundry.Or he collects free liquid soap from all the toilet dispensers he frequents.
He doesn't wear spectacles but only puts them on when he wants to bring you over to the dark side.
Although many others may choose fastfood centres like McD's,KFC etc,to conduct their free enterprises,he takes the cake.
His voice is like a baritone catapult forcing its way past your eardrums,till it ends up knocking the inside your head over and over and over, till it hurts your brain.
Your head throbs,he NEVER stops talking and soon everyone imagines they are gonna go so crazy till they already fantasize that they are all writhing on the floor already.
REAL STRESS !
One might think he is a male Susan Boyle (who makes your blood boil) with Mammoth lungs,throwing his voice with all his might cos he is afraid nobody can hear him.
So Kingkong,Goliath loud,he doesn't need a loudspeaker.
But the fact that a fastfood restaurant like Mc Dees is confined,every diner within earshot (that is the entire floorspace) will have their eardrums assaulted when he sits down and opens his mouth.
I think their glass panels must be bullet and shockproof to withstand a beating of such a nature.
In fact if the aliens were listening in ready to invade earth,I'm sure they would do the smart thing,U turn and leave us to his mercy.
I have so far bumped into Dr Vulcan 2 times.
The first time I heard him brag about his business to a trio of similar minded men, who felt the need to match his octave in stature.
The whole room evacuated,just under the 8 minutes he was there, as every child ,teenager and female,frowned at them and huffed off, till one of them finally got the message or got embarassed enough to keep his voice down.
I cringed ,sucked my cheeks in,gnawed on my fingers and stayed the furthest distance possible till I too surrendered and left.
Not him.
He thinks that if we stare at him,we find his botakness sexy. He thinks we need to go, because we beh tahan his hot sizzling aura.
If I ever have the misfortune of meeting him a 3rd time, I would rather swallow a small capsule of cyanide.
Instant death is better.
Before he enters the fastfood/public space,the floors will experience tremors.
His voice has the ability to do what two Sunda plates can summon up.
Come to think of it,maybe that day when many parts of Penang experienced tremors,he was hosting a Cepat Kaya convention in an underground venue closest to the earth's core.
When he sits down,and opens his gap,you feel as if you are being brainwashed by Pyongyang.
with the following repetitive MML catchphrase words being hammered into your skull,to get you agree to sign Condemned on the dotted line.
PERCENT....
BELI.......
JUAL.........
LU.........
UNTUNG.........
PAHAM ?...........
AAAAAAAAAA...........
KALAU...............
PAHAM ? ...........
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...........
BETOLLLLLLLLL..........
OKAY !.................
HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA !!!!!!
SO ! .......
As if you were in a special class with a special teacher giving you special after school attention.With an ulterior motive.
Except that you won't feel that you are very untung.
Cos he not only wants you to hear,he wants to spread his propaganda by killing many birds,bangaus,murais and cuckoos with One Voice.
If I were his captive audience,his choosen victim ,I know that if I were to try and flee,his voice would Taser me enough,and fill me with such fear,my body stays rooted to the ground even though my soul tries to leave my expiring,perspiring human form.
His tone instantly confirms him as a public nuisance.
You might go into a panick attack mode and chew up your paper cup or flush your head in deepest end of the toilet bowl.
If you're thinking of getting rid of him by sending him to Tibet partly due to his monk ready hairstyle,another because somewhere in your kind heart you want to make him more unmaterialistic,forget it.
Himalaya will surely be flattened and we'll all be damned.
Pray you never have to sit in close quarters and encounter his extremely irritating lectures.
