Sin Lean Heang @ Macallum Street Ghaut

I don't know which village these Hokkeins belonged to when they washed up on Penang island but they certainly are a disgrace,when it comes to cooking Bak Kee soup.
Worst Hokkein Bak Kee Th'ng version in the entire Hokkein world.
Holy shit,this is the baddest ass Hokkein soup I have ever tasted in my entire life,yet they have the gall to tell people that everyone should "learn to drink this soup because this is what Hokkein people drink".
Yea ...like you need to screw the many nuts loose in your head man.
Stop the bluffing and buck up on your cooking.Like seriously.And stop screwing around with those in the dark or messing with those in search of their roots by telling them that this is IT.
The real deal.What being Hokkein means/is all about.
Like when?Back in the old days when the Larut Wars were in vogue?Onboard a junk on the way here?
This is Inedibly Undrinkable.
You're crap.A bad cook.You messed up.Big time.This so,so,so wrong.Period.

It's so gross,the pork bits are encased in a tomb of sticky tasteless starch that is left to drench and drizzle in an oily well of basically what I would call hot salty brownish putrid water.Poured on top of raw white rigid shredded cabbages till it pierces the tastebuds with a sharp wasabe like smell that 'shoots up the nose".Picture drinking sulphuric soup with carelessly cut salads,with strips of quiverring pork floating around in a jungle hotspring and you'll get my dirft.
Chewing on the pork,makes the toes and knuckles curl in,cos the layer of flour is so thick,by the time your teeth journey to where the meat begins,you end up losing your appetite.If you believe that this actually works in tenderising the meat,one word to you,ugh! What it does is seal it from being overcooked,thus if the meat is done this badly to begin with,it ends up a failure both in and out.

While their noodle dishes,do certainly please beyond expectations tastewise,and the white rice,is amazingly fragrant,the oysters found within the noodles are too tiny for enjoyment and the prawns the cheapo jellyish translucent type preffered by todays CKT stalls.
The omelette is another disastrous outing in flour wrestling mania ,and becomes extremely jelak after 3 mouthfuls.Again,the oysters found here are too insignificant to taste.Comes with a crusty layer much like how the current oyster omelette stall in Yi Garden likes to do it.
One nice difference is the addition of kuchai.But how to enjoy when so jelak so quick?

Since a one hour wait was customary,we saw it fit to order some soya bean drinks.
Don't ! Even though it sells out fast,it tastes like dried soya skin juice blended together and seived into a bottle.
Ridiculous and horrid!

A word of caution.
The dishes here are extremely high in cholesterol as well as overloaded in zinc and iron from the oysters.
This in turn may cause symptoms like weakness,excessive sweating,giddiness,extreme sleepiness and swellings to occur.
Not recommended that you take a day trip here and drive back,immediately after a meal here.
Some will relate that,you might even get the feeling that your entire body as well as your brains feel a crushing pressure as if you were in an aircraft cabin.That,just from consuming those tiny minuscule sea creatures,can you imagine?
So what it boils down to is....
is the pleasure of a meal here worth the pressure?You be the judge of that.

Heng Kee aka Hing Kee @ China Street

MUST HAVE kangkong dish

horrible,terrible,crap,bullshit,disgusting,smelly,pongs,incredulously highly recommended exclusively by what I suspect to be impoverished born Penang bloggers,cos the rest of us,simply cannot take this damn blady vegetable dish that looks like your mother washed her green shredded dishcloth which some monkey from the botanical gardens had 'berak' on top garnished with diluted kiamhu shavings and rancid oil that smells like expired chinese walnuts.
Headache and vomit inducing.

Pak Poh Drumstick

spotted sickly pre frozen chicken with tongkwai and cordyceps sauce,intended to bounce you back to health in a strange way cos it comes off bitter as bittergourd.Once it goes down your throat you bounce up from your table ramrod straight like an eunuch vampire drained of blood.
Should only be consumed alone with rice and nothing else or else your tummy will do the water sprout dance on you.

Soups

weak,not rich,sickly,natural sweetness that might reverse your health into a disorder.

Tauhoo with fish dish

even a teenage scout attempting this dish for the first time,can cook better than this.

Eating here

Is so bad,even their staff look forward to greedily wolfing away at the delicious prawn crackers sold by a mobile hawker just outside their shop.

Makes you healthy if all you eat is a lettuce leaf a day or you grew up in extreme poverty

Detoxes you cos your bowels feel so clean and tongue devoid of culinary fulfillment,ten million galaxies apart from the A grade sparkling walls here.

Is a wonderful life changing experience if you have just stepped out of the trenches of World War II

Could possibly change your DNA structure and gene makeup,turning you into a stomach contortionist with possible lifelong conjunctivitis

Don't

Just don't believe a word those liars in cyberspace and the papers ever tell you about how great and nostalgic the food in this is place.This is a place which is reserved strictly for those used to worse than bland foods or health freaks afraid to die from consuming salt and every condiment except for herbs.
Don't waste your time and don't waste your life wittling away as you die eating the grossly overrated dishes here
Total cost is not expensive but just don't be tempted to stop here.
This is badder than bad.So bad it makes bad look good.
So outrageous that they dare vouch for it.Such an embarassment for them to think that this is indeed good at all.
Good grief,just go ahead and poison us all,already.

Goh Huat Seng,Steamboat @ Kimberley Street

Golden Rules You Have To Remember

1. Never come here without a reservation
2. Even if you have a reservation,you have half an hour to turn up before you loose your rights to it.
3. Most everything comes saltless and tasteless.Perfect for those with diabetes and high blood.

The stock has zero taste.Almost no salt.Definitely aji free.
Worse still,it really smells,stinks and reeks of porky pork piglet and pig.Yucks.Yucks.Yucks.
I look around me,and I am baffled as to how come nobody seems to raise an issue with the odour.

Thus,I am forced to pour in soya sauce and anything else I can get my hands on into the stock.
That's the secret to why nobody is complaining.
A must have ingredient which works wonders amazingly,has got to be the chilli padi.
A true lifesaver,when hand in hand with the charcoal, in killing the "eau de la oink" .Turns out to be not bad cos the heat slowly builds up and zaps the tastebuds by stinging and searing them into paralysis.

The great thing about this place is

1. the novelty of dining from a charcoal funeled antique 60's style steamboat and restaurant.
2. comparatively affordable and relatively cheap price
3. you actually feel full
4. the selection is really fresh
5. your kids stay quiet for a while,mesmerized by the flames

However the thought of the initial stink is such a stomach churning turn off,it doesn't matter if this is a Penang institution,I would not bring tourists nor recommend friends to come here.

Joo Leong Cafe,Seafood Noodles & Porridge @ Sungai Tiram,Bayan Lepas(Night)

Flip flopping through various blog reviews,there are varying opinions as to what makes this place tick.
As well as vastly deferring preferences regarding what dishes are perceived as hype.
Most find the price a bitch.
Sadly all end up agreeing that the stock is super yummy delectably mmm mmm rich,flavourful and good.

Here's my take on this place.

The good :

1. Service is Quick Draw Mc graw-Faster Than Fast Food.You won't get the chance to warm your seat before your order makes its F1 entrance.
2. Cleanliness level is awesomely spotless,super duper clean ! Remarkable considering the high traffic,endless stream of customers.
3. The stalls in front are thank goodness just for added variety.Not for you to waste time and fill your tummy as you wait for your order.
4. Drinks arrive at the speed of light.Are aromatic,rich,nicely sweet,refreshing and good.
5. They are skilled at cooking fresh seafoods.Crabmeat will just fall off beautifully without getting stuck onto the shell.Prawns are sweet and succulent.Fried fishmeat (take note that this is fried till dry,Not juicy)is flavourful to the skin,gets more delicious in the simple stock.
6. While,I agree it is not cheap to dine here,one bowl costs an average of $12 upwards,Where else is one gonna get seafood this fresh?

The bad :

1. For the uninitiated,you are expected to figure out that you have to make your way to the back and place your order.The old man cum order taker, likes to give you that "when are you gonna make your move and come here you idiot" exasperated look with newbies.The rest of the family are just to 'polite' to help you out cos frankly they're too busy attending to their stations.
2. The much touted soup is extremely ordinary,rather oily on the top and spoilt by the unnnecessary addition of tiny stalks of chinese celery.You see,when the star ingredients come at the "just-cooked" stage,it will definitely have a "locked-in-taste".Thus the flavours,whatever people say,simply won't spill out to enrich the stock. What you get is a noodle soup and broth stock that is still in its infancy.
3. There are too little vegies perhaps due to the fact that the extremely high heat left them shrivelled,destroyed and useless.
4. The broth while nice and fluffy,has way too much preserved veg,that is more suitable for a peasant/labourers version of pork broth rather than seafood porridge.No amount of pepper and chilli padi could help save this dish for me.A bad choice of mine,which I eventually abandoned after eating just one quarter of it before tucking wholeheartedly into my crab.
5. The police like to open samans here.They always pass by here,since they like to hangout at a tomyam stall down the road.I don't blame them.The presence of this stall next to this busy road leading to the airport,poses a serious a traffic obstruction that endangers roadusers.Selfish customers desperate for a parking space love to double park,thus forcing speeding vehicles like buses and lorries to a sudden stop or to swerve onto the path of others in the next lane,that might in turn create ultimate mangle and mayhem.
6. The stalls have more flavourful foods than them.Thus our order of "steamroller went over it" flattened chicken satay,(never mind that it was way too sweet for our own good and the peanuts sauce looked more like blended peanut rojak sauce),was snapped up greedily and quickly by us,since we were all still hungry cause frankly the soup,stock,noodles and broth sucked.
7. The shopowner and breadstall lady have been infected with the Canneversmile disease
8. If I ever return,I will probably order their seafood soup minus noodles,minus broth.Just pure boiled seafood.That's what the big fuss about this place is.Plain and simple boiled seafood soup for me please.Leave out the vegies too.I beg you.Then maybe I would fully appreciate my meal .

DAP the Dimwit bigots,Archaic chauvinists,brainless Pigs @ Penang

The problem stemmed from a fire at Jalan Gurdwara,the hotspot where Nepalese and Bangla run minimarts are incessantly subjected to apartheid like raids,probably designed to force them into closure.
Two local women,apparently approached the Assemblyman and asked him why he did not extend any aid to them.while the other fire victims received help.
Who else could be as abrrasive and racist as the lembu named Ng Wei Aik,father of "No-dining-under-the stars-applicable to-the mamakshops-only" crap double standard policy?

You have to see the video of the newsclip.Wait for the second lady who looks on the verge of tears caused by the YB aka Yapalot Bigmouth,to believe the audacity of the DAP zealots to dare discriminate against us local women,ostracising those who have become Muslim converts as well as for the "unforgivable" crime of them marrying Banglas.

To add insult to injury,they branded them traitors and accused them of starting the fires!
How dare they treat us women this way!

Try to click on this link below for the news report

http://origin-www.ntv7.com.my/7edition/local-en/TWO_WOMEN_LODGE_POLICE_REPORTS_AGAINST_DAP_ASSEMBLYMAN.html

Caused by "Drama At The Doorstep"

http://thestar.com.my/metro/story.asp?file=/2011/11/23/north/9957169&sec=North

As well as a related list of reported raids before this 'suspicious"fire engulfed the row of shophouses.
I have actually patronised them before and honestly,they weren't filthy.
Clean,well stocked,cheap with a fresh array of goods up till beyond 11pm at night.
They were doing us a good service,bringing the area back to life and giving us a fair deal,preferring low profits.Pitiful.
Gangster tactic or what?

 8th nov  " A Fishy Business"
http://thestar.com.my/metro/story.asp?file=/2011/11/8/north/9855514&sec=north

12th oct  "Owner Fined for keeping live chickens and fish in shop"
http://thestar.com.my/metro/story.asp?file=/2011/10/12/north/9678141&sec=north

27th aug   "Three Mini Mart Owners Fined For Illegal Slaughtering"
 http://thestar.com.my/metro/story.asp?file=/2011/8/27/north/9382336&sec=north

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Two Women Lodge Report Against DAP Assemblyman
(Ntv7,23rd November 2011)


In Penang, two women lodged police reports against a DAP assemblyman last night for allegedly accusing them of starting a fire as well as being traitors for marrying foreigners.

The women were victims of a fire that razed seven shophouses at Jalan  Gudwara, Georgetown yesterday.

The seven shophouses destroyed in the predawn fire were owned by locals including Sarimah Packeer Mohd and Fatimah Sharmin Abdullah who are married to Bangladeshis. 

A DAP assemblyman, accompanied by two men visited the fire victims and presented aid to all of them except the two women.

His alleged reason was that they were considered traitors for marrying foreigners and blamed them for the fire.

Sarimah and Fatimah lodged police reports against the assemblyman at the Lebuh Pantai Police Station last night.

Another Tragic Ending @ Tg Tokong

There are only so few shopping complexes within the radius of this area.
Island Plaza,Tesco,Straits Quay.
Though I can't pinpoint exactly where this did happen,there's only one Chinese restaurant with the capacity to host a wedding dinner.
The floor where that particular restaurant is to be found,does bring out the goosebumps.
Your guess is as good as mine,if this is indeed his workplace.

Is the skyrocketing cost of living on the island to blame for his predicament?
Or the miserly ways of those with the power to give them more moolah the root cause of it?
Certainly does not help when the streets are jarringly awash with money,the jetset euphoric with obscene property prices,while those entrenched in heart wrenching poverty just cannot find a life worth living ,trying to make ends meet,ekking out another day of misery.

When it comes to tragic endings.even spouses of famous and rich coffeeshop owners are not spared the scourge of depression.Thus when a famous place reknowned for its curry mee,was closed for a week,rumour had it,that it was because the shopkeeper's wife had thrown herself off a building near the jetty when she could not take the countless hospital visits anymore.

What more a mere manager.

Condolences.

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Manager Found Hanged In Shopping Mall
(The Star-22 Nov)

GEORGE TOWN: A restaurant manager was found hanged in a shopping complex in Tanjung Tokong here.
Ooi Boon Leong (pic) was found hanged with a nylon rope around his neck near the Chi nese restaurant where he was working.
His colleagues had gone around looking for him after he failed to turn up for work despite having kept all his personal belongings at his workplace.
One of them then found Ooi’s body at about 11am yesterday and alerted the police.
It was learnt that Ooi, 39, had recently separated from his wife and was heavily in debt.
It was also learnt that he had sent an SMS to a family member whom he was asking for help with his funeral arrangements.
Colleagues also said Ooi had worked a day before his death as there was a wedding dinner at the restaurant.
George Town acting OCPD Ahmad Bakhtiar Kassim said the case had been temporarily classified as sudden death as investigations were still being carried out.
He also said police were waiting for a post-mortem report.

Harimau Muda Malaysia @ 26th Sea Games,Senayan

"They don't respect you, they don't respect our flag, they don't respect our King and they don't respect your parents.
If you allow this to happen, then you are cowards.
You must teach them what being Malaysian is all about"
 - Ong Kim Swee

Congratulations.
I cried tears of joy.They trickled down uncontrollably,as I tried to discreetly wipe them away.
Normally insipid sports commentators too,were overcome with emotion.

Let it be known that the area of Tanjong Tokong erupted in loud cheers with each penalty score.
We yelled so loud in hope,the echoes would follow the winds and reach your ears at Gelora Bung Karno Stadium.
And when you missed,pockets of patrons at various mamaks,chewed their fingers and prayed really,really hard summoning the wisdom of their various religions just hoping that victory would accompany you.

SP boy,Baddrol Bakthiar,when you scored the final one,you had us in tears,hugging each another,jumping up and down like raving lunatics,forgetting our races,breaking the still of the rainless night air over here.

Thanks for enduring the boos.
Stoicly making us damn proud.
Thanks for uniting us,it was worth all the spilt teh tarik,toppled drinks,tissues,fallen chairs and shifted tables.

Thanks for helping us wipe the smile off their faces.
Each one of us walked out of the mamak tonight wearing a big grin across our faces.
But not before.we ensured all was well up till your well deserved moment belting out the Negaraku with one hand across your heart,on the winners podium.
All 120 minutes of the game were we behind you.

The dashing goalkeeper was great,as was our exuberantly ecstatic Youth and Sports Minister,Datuk Seri Ahmad Sabery Cheek.
It was priceless watching him plant a kiss on both Ong Kim Swee and Khairul Fahmi Che Mat's sweat laden heads.
We love you that much.
Yes!

Last but not least,thanks to Team Malaysia for the truly inspiring song,Gemuruh Suara and the small but brave crowd of supporters who supported you there tonight even though their cheers were clearly drowned out.

You epitomised these lyrics

Kalau engkau jatuh,
Jangan engkau lemah,
Kerana hidup mengajar kita,
Jangan cepat mengalah.

Bina yakin diri,
Mampu kita lakukan,
Tiada yang mustahil,
Segalanya Boleh!

Kita bergandingan,
Meraikan Malaysia!

Gemuruh suara,
Jadi bangsa Berjaya,
Gemuruh perkasa,
Bawah satu bendera,
Nama kita bina,
Diseluruh benua rasa bangga,
Genggam amanat wira,
Julang panji Malaysia..
Genggam amanat wira,
Julang panji Malaysia!!

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Malaysia bags SEA Games football gold
(The Star online,21st november)

JAKARTA: Malaysia bagged the SEA Games football gold medal 4-3 on penalty kicks against Indonesia at the Gelora Bung Karno Main Stadium in Jakarta on Monday.
Skipper Baddrol Bakhtiar converted the winning penalty. Both teams were tied 1-1 after full-time and extra-time play.
In the penalty shoot-out, Titus Bonai, Egi Melgiansyah and Abdul Rahman were on target for Indonesia while Gunawan Dwi Cahyo and Ferdinan A.S. failed to convert their attempts.
For Malaysia, Mahalli Jasuli, Fandi Othman and Mohd Fadhli Shas were spot on with their kicks while Ahmad Fakri Saarani failed to make good.
Baddrol then stepped up to take the fifth penalty for Malaysia and did not fail his teammates.
Earlier, Indonesia started the match strong and drew first blood in the 5th minute, when Gunawan Dwi Cahyo rose high to score with a header from a corner kick.
But Malaysia drew level in the 38th minute with a sliding header by Mohd Asraruddin Putra Omar.
The match was still tied 1-1 after 90 minutes and extra-time play, resulting in the gold medal being decided by penalty kicks.

Dice with Danger @ Penang Road Shoulders

The double standards are in place till today (refer to Ng Wei Aik Tantrum post).
While Chinese and Malay hawkers are given free hand to operate their stalls from road shoulders,the Mamaks still cannot open a single table on any road,even if it is a dead end with a bicycle path.

Now,that this tragic accident has happened,hear me out,as I am familiar with the driving habits of the people on this particular stretch of road.

Cars jostle for space like it were a race to the finish,starting from the large funeral parlour,all the way to Hong Seng estate traffic lights,avoiding residents making sudden,unannounced turns to their respectives homes on the right hand side of the road.
After which they are overcome with craze trying to not let anyone on the inner lane overtake them as everybody makes a mad dash towards the small intersection.
Along the way,depending on the time of day,some daredevil motorbikes and irrate motorists from the oncoming lane,who think they are Ironman's offspring, like to take risks and speed head on,into your path.

Once the light turns green and everyone is going up the gentle hillslope itself,residents staying at the housing estate next to the wetmarket,have a sinister fondness to road hog both lanes uphill.until the turn off into their homes.
This insanely selfish behaviour is peculiar ONLY,to the mentally unstable culprit/residents staying on this left hand side housing estate (known as Taman Evergreen) after the market and the chinese temple.
A sizeable number of them that live there simply will not give way.
Doesn't matter if they are retirees or wet behind the ears,most delight in forcing you to toddle along at a torturous pace until you find a wider berth as you approach the wetmarket.
By then,it would have irritated enough testestorones and fallopian tubes,causing a long cemetery lining clog,that it again becomes a madhouse as all and sundry,step on the accelerator,to be the first in line,at the next traffic lights down the road.

That was then.
Today,the presence of Tesco,massive construction and new dwellers,multiple the inherent danger.
Mixing a plethoria of tanjong rambutan delivery truckers,asylum construction lorries,together with siao schoolbus operators,gila parents and bas kilang maniacs,white knuckle fearless ah lians,ah bengs,abangs,aweks,minachis and machas,not forgetting rempit aunties and uncles.....(yes i don't know anyone,not even senior citizens below 65 who are not speed fiends)
delivers a deadly cocktail that would delight the denizens of Mount Erskine and guarantee more friends into their fold quicker than before.
Heck if you are on Jln Tg Tokong between 11am to 4pm,it is not out of the blue to encounter Speedy Gonzales blond expatriates(those on holiday,driving W plates are amongst the worst offenders),having 'gone with the flow',and are prone to showing locals a hairy white fist,as they seeth,grit their teeth and break a litany of traffic rules,to tear away from the pack.
But that's a different kettle of fish altogether.

Now,veering back to Mount Erksine again,as I mentioned before,in that path,between the first entrance to Taman Evergreen and the Red means stop lights down below, lies this hawker centre.
Complete with nonchalant patrons,who especially like to suddenly turn their vehicles,without warning,just so they can park or exit the road shoulder next to this makan place,oblivious to those gone beserk and hurtling downhill.
So sure are they,that madmen will avoid striking them down like pins in a bowling alley.

This is an attitude inherited.
Young parents,with small kids seated near the motorcycle basket,demonstrate,the real meaning of guts and glorious joyride.Motorcyclists only know how to travel in a straight line.
No driving school could ever convince them to avoid vehicles.
It was once said that these are the very people who would horn at a tree and a brick wall while stubbornly maintaining their speed with no signs of conceeding defeat.
Earlier this year,one of their species,blamed a cow for 'attacking'him on the road.
Me thinks he horned it,thinking it would 'moo've to the mountains,because surely the stupid cow must have,understood his staunch stand on swerving.
Next we have pedestrians who think they are made of steel,who expect everyone to stop for them.
So cocky are they that they will not even bat an eyelid in your direction as the entire family crosses the road at such a leisurely pace,unafraid for their lives,as if egging you on,to "do it if you dare"plough into them.
They seem to forget what would befall them,when we cannot avoid them in the nick of time,or if they so happened to be in a blind spot.

Sadly,it was an accident just waiting to happen.
As for the roads leading past Pepper estate into Lembah Permai,Tanjong Bungah,an overturned bus complete with dazzed schoolkids and a flying motorcyclist that died upon impact at a florist's corner home compound,all made it to this year's eerie edition.


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Lorry Rams Salesman And Two Cars
(The Star,Metro North)

GEORGE TOWN: A lorry crashed into two parked cars and overturned near some food stalls, killing a salesman and injuring his younger sister.
Siblings Koay Kheng Tiong, 31, and Hooi Chin, 28, were on their way to the stalls at Jalan Mount Erskine here to have breakfast when the incident occurred at about 11.15am yesterday.
It is believed the lorry driver had lost control of the vehicle.
Kheng Tiong was rushed to the Penang Hospital but was pronounced dead on arri- val. His sister, who suffered light injuries, received outpatient treatment at the same hospital.
Food seller Hor Sin Fong, 46, said he rushed to help Hooi Chin after the accident.
“She went to help her brother who was unconscious with blood oozing out from his ears, about 15m away,” said Hor.
Police are using a closed-circuit television (CCTV) camera footage from the stalls in their investigation into the case

Restoran Chuan Bee @ China Street

Overheard at the table behind us,a smart alec dished out this gem of an advice loud and clear enough for everyone to hear
"Never come here to eat,if you are really hungry"

Yes,it's true.This is where snails and tortoises congregate,when they need to take a chill pill,then proceed to remove their shells,only to decimate away on the very chairs which they are seated.

Service is so legendarily slow mo,never come without bringing a newspaper along with you.Upon finishing,you may proceed to the obituary pages and cut a hole in the centre of one undearing departed.Lift up the hole and position it in such a way that any of the kitchen staff's faces,may fit in.

Most of the customers here already have one foot in the grave.The younger set,have a misguided notion, that dishes that take 15 minute intervals to arrive at your table are a sign of a virtuous cook.Thus if you are the first in line,with 5 pax to a table,you won't get the chance to eat all at once.God help you if you are table no3.

Bear in mind,that most requests from you,are followed by perplexing hollers from the order taker,to the chef at the back of the kitchen ....on whether"Do we still have it?"

I would have preferred the chicken chop,which was nicely done with less flour coating than most places,only if it came without the gravy.Cos the sauce was a horrible mix of ketchup from the bottle mixed with flour and water.
While the roti babi's filling was very nice, the bread wrap wasn't exactly wonderful,plus I was lost as to how even the customary worcestershire based dip could end up a bland failure.
Can you believe,we even had the gall to call for some chu char dishes.A total of 5 differents fares.The first arrived before the chop and the last only after we had finished the roti babi.
In all cases,the amount of salt used is a problem.Some contained too little,while others ended up extremely salty like our shrivilled kangkong belacan.

Eat here,to fritter your life away as you contemplate and analyse how the end of your days flashing past you at 15 minutes per serving,would feel like

Tako Tao @ Jusco,Queensbay

Hopelessly mushy and soggy in the middle.
Collapses into a useless heap like a TNT miso bomb,the instant you prod it with your bamboo skewer or toothpick.
Overflavoured to suit local  tastebuds.
Contains a pool of sauce in the centre similar to Kuih Melaka.
Contains far too much cabbage
A wet flourball disaster with no sign of whatever ingredients promised.For instance if you ordered the Eel ball like me,I only found a tiny fingernail of meat in the 3rd and final ball.

Would be a failure,turning Malaysians into a laughing stock,if they ever dared to open a stall in downtown Tokyo,where they apparently got a stroke of inspiration by shadow stalking numerous pushcart operators.

Cover Charged for Chinese Tea @ Penang restaurant

I was initially taken aback when I read this,but there are always two sides to the coin.
While it is easy to blame the restaurant for the unreasonable charge,I concluded that the tiff arose from the following

1. the fact that some establishments take great pride in the tea that they offer
2. that having a pot of chinese tea especially at lunchtime,would inspire unsavoury parasites or kutus to roost way longer than neccessary,thus effectively depriving others of dining space
3. the fact that they opened for business to make money,not for charity right?
4. even after being forewarned of the over the top charges, she still went ahead with her plan
5. that it is a "robbery" only if accompanied by violence, intimidation,force,fear or use of a weapon,all of which there were none.Thus it wasn't a robbery,but an outrageous condition from which she could have backed out of,but she chose not to most probably due to "ai bin"

So who to blame?
And why write in to complain to the newspapers when the outlet didn't act unscrupulously but informed her before hand.
Tsk.tsk.
Only this bitter diner knows.

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Blatant Robbery
(Letters to the editor,The Sun 16th nov 2011)

I stopped at a restaurant in front of the Umno building for lunch while I was in Penang last week,and was taken aback when I was told I would be charged RM2/pax for bringing in my own tea.For my family of 10,we would have to pay RM20 for hot water supplied in a teapot.Isn't this blatant robbery?
They justified the charge in that the restaurant also sells tea and hence does not want outside tea to be brought in.
I was "fortunate" they told me upfront rather than me finding out on my bill later.Fair warning to those who enjoy your own tea-bring your own at your own peril.

Lynda Thong
Petaling Jaya

Rainforest Bakery & Pastry @ Chulia Street

Cooked up crap.
Total hype,based on a 'cute'story of how one of the twin brothers learnt the so called 'tricks'of the trade while trapsing from London through Italy.

As for the claim that the breads resemble European,I would say in your dreams.
Am beginning to suspect a conspiracy that links overseas returnees to an inner circle,a Brotherhood and Sisterhood of"I scratch your back,you scratch mine".

To give you an idea of what I am ranting about. put yourself in a travellers shoes to understand why some have given this bakery good reviews.
Lets just say you have been away from Malaysia for a month and all of a sudden,you spot a stall selling roti canai,roti benggali,apom and kaya toast in Geneva .Wouldn't the worst tasting feel like a taste of home and a slice of heaven then?

Better you go get your supply from Cold Storage for much less.

Organic my S.
I popped in expecting authenticity,I came home and my organs came to a near halt upon discovering that this was nothing more than a rip off .
An ordinary baker plumming up his feathers with his head up in the haze coated clouds,that his queer way of badgering bakery heads for an 'education' gave him outstanding credentials and put him on a pedestal like a fake stuffed peacock.

Frankly,their standard is not far from foreign hypermarket breads.
They are just one standard higher than the evening market baker at Presgrave Street,with the only difference being,that they are supposed to be made without preservatives.

El Casa @ Irrawaddy Road

I was toying with the idea of having lunch here,but decided against it after I read this review.
Apparently this blogger had heard,nothing but bad news about the place from her workmates.

Disbelieving, she went headlong into the pit and found out the hard way spitting fire on the way out.
The last part sums it up,when she sarcastically raves about them having the best Home Dessert..... a platter of fresh cut papaya and oranges.
This was in February.
Today their set lunch is even cheaper still and they dare brag on facebook about the many companies they have hosted,that they are fully booked etc etc.

Read the excerpts below but for pictures head to : itsdelicious.info

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El Casa is a brand new restaurant with Santorini concept started operating since last year end
Recently, they were lauching the grand opening promotion of 50% on second set.
It's strictly homemade and No MSG being used.
As i heard how bad was it from my colleagues, but still i decided to give it a try.
The ambiance is really good in and out there!!! Is a nice place for wine and relaxing maybe...
The 3 courses meal consists of Main Course, Drink - Peach Tea/Ice Lemon Tea and Home Dessert RM15.90.

Unfortunately when it comes to drink..The first thing serve to my table none other than the Ice Lemon Tea!!
The worst ice lemon tea which i ever had before!!
It's tasteless, more like a plain water stir with some syrup :( How disappointing!!

Potato Soup Given FREE by the boss.This is hmm okay, pass!

Signature Chicken Chop Deep-fried chicken poured with homemade onion sauce served with coleslaw and french fries.The french fries are pale and flaccid and the coleslaw is not okay. I reminded myself it's strictly homemade!!! I'm not too sure that does it means that the thousand island also has to homemade? The piece of fried chicken is tender.Overally, I would not say that this is worst but it's just very very ordinary !!

Spaghetti Tomato Concasse with Tempura Prawns served with tomato sauce, tempura prawns and parmesan cheese.The tempura is real good as i taste separately with the spaghetti.The spaghetti taste slightly raw and tomatoes sauce was too sweet to my taste.Sorry, I would rather pay 100 bucks to my mum to cook for me. Hers homemade spaghetti is soooooooo much outstanding than this. YES, it's homemade and No MSG.

Am i sound too harsh?I just don't understand that why i can see the phrase of "GREAT!!" appearing in their food comments. Am I had chose the wrong food choices?It's a GREAT place but definately not the great food you looking for.or maybe they are appointing to the home dessert perhaps?

The Home Dessert.BEST BEST BEST!! They are fresh and juicy!!The only best thing i had in this restaurant :(

Ecco Cafe @ Chulia Street

Situated right smack in the middle of a backpackers street,and located in a squeeze of a quaint tiny shoplot,the heat from between the charming kitchen and the madhouse bustling tarmac outside,sandwiches you in.
Seeing that the distance between tables is rather close for comfort,plus, due to the fact that they run on a skeleton staff,we were prepared for the worst.

While waiting for your order you get disturbed and distracted every now and then by the sudden departure of cheapo white skinned tourists coming in here by word of mouth,only to bolt for the front door once they scan through the price list.
You see,a decent dish here costs around $20.
They run cos they reckon why pay so much when they can enjoy 12 tosais down in Little India for that amount.

Cut to the chase,we got off on a bad start.The cold drinks were terrible.Not kau,very thin,warm as a matter of fact right at the bottom and served with self made ice that melted so quick it was pointless ordering it cold in the first place.On top of that,the glasses looked like they needed another round of soaping.

Then we went on to the starters.I have to say that almost all the breads served here are 5 star good.And not all five star establishments mind you,serve breads this tasty,scrumptious and delightfully crisp and deliciously porous all at once.
So unexpectedly mouthwatering,addictive and good was it that,it made me wanna leap up from my table and shout "Yes!"

We rubbed our hands in glee anticipating the pasta to work a similar magic.
But alas,while I can say that the handmade pasta sealed the chef as a master in doughwork,(this was fine,laborious,loving handiwork,with an unforgettable texture)the fact that many of us Malaysians unaccustomed to anything other than Pizza Hut and Domino's,might lead us to find their sauces and ingredients alien,not to mention, take a lot of getting used to.
Ditto,the sandwiches which were a tad dissapointing.Soggy in the middle,nor that flavourful either.

Finally when the pizza came heaving and breathing alive,glossy and simply breathtakingly magazine worthy and cookbook looking good,a magnificent sight even though it was just 10 inches big,it simply knocked us off our socks.
The downside was that,the amount of toppings were rather sparse,it almost feels like a semi vegetarian pizza what with so little meats on the crown.

While this is no ordinary diner to me,where paper thin pizza crusts and awesome foccacia rule,and I have absolutely no complaints about the taste,I really didn't like the crummy setting nor having to hobnob with spaced out looking foreigners.

Thus this is one that you'll either hate on first contact or grow to love.
Not recommended for unadventurous diners and fussy old folks,unless you want them to give you lasam looks,thinking that you are a weirdo,paying this much for a small looking but extremely filling portion .
We never got a chance to try the salads,but they do look so seductive and colourful,if I ever wanted to turn vegan,this would be my temple.

Sadly for now, as they await us locals to discover and cozy up our tastebuds to them,the angmo customers will probably still be their main bread and butter.
Lest I forget,I should mention that the chef,on the other hand has to be potential to be a girl magnet,not attractive in the usual way,but nevertheless interesting a character and man enough,even in his trademark scarf, to rest your eyelashes upon if only for a moment.

2011 and the cost just keeps rising

The past few weeks saw our little island under the deluge of torrential rains.So much so that,hawkers and restaurants saw a dip in their businesses.Some,like the pasar malam operators,decided to cut further losses by taking the drastic step of not opening at all for an extended period.

For now,the heavens seem to have granted us a temporary respite yet in so many places,crowds remain sparse even at popular makan places.
Tables completely laden with food and drinks have become a rarity and the business people only have themselves to blame.

The outrageously escalating prices on the total bill is what I would say is the main cause of this sad turn of events.
Those responsible for the hikes,seem to forget that the majority of their patrons are locals whose salary remains at a dismal level.Everytime the civil sector gets a raise or utilities and taxes rise,the burden is one that most operators inflate and unscrupulously pass on to us.
The way they are carrying on,is grave cause for concern.
If they think they can depend on tourists to sustain them,they are making a fatal mistake.
Unless they are only using it as a front for other more profittable enterprises or a way to legally launder ill gotten wealth.I can name a few places with practically no customers yet are still in up and running today but that would be broaching from the main topic.
Anyway,locals don't buy into their claims of a thousand and one catastrophic disasters such as the floods in thailand,since prices at our wet markets still remain ridiculously low and reasonable.

Chicken rice shop operators(one of the worst offenders in my opinion is Xing Nam Fatt in Fettes Park) have turned an economical meal into a bleed-you-dry experience.This particular shop,dares pile on the meats without you asking,slapping on an average of $7 per diner compared to his next door competitor who still maintains a price tag below $5.Not significant if you are still single but bad news for big families.
The worst part about it,is that the chickens that a lot of places are using is suspect as to whether they are Malaysian bred or imported from god knows what country.
Why would I even come up with this proposterous claim? Simply check the quality of the meat.The insides don't cook so well,they remain a bruised red and frankly,the most telling part lies in the taste.Things have become this bad in the span of just under a year.

To give you an idea of the gravity of the situation,choo char operators today charge an average of between $16 to $ 24 per pax.A shocking jump from the mid quarter of this year,when it cost just between $8 to $14 per head to eat out.

The way I see it,more families will eat out less and less.And when they do,they will be frugal and sparing with their orders.
Those that charge reasonably will see a spike,those that don't will suffer in the long run when patrons label eating out as an unneccessary and unaffordable luxury rather than a recreational pastime.

The whole comedy of it all,is that when we go over to the mainland,you get a larger portion for the beginning of this years price.
And maybe that could partly explain,the bridge jamming exodus fleeing the island every Friday evening.
Heck we still like to eat out,but not when it burns a miserable hole in our pocket on a daily basis.

Hawkers and restaurateurs should take this ominous sign of an alarming lack of customers ,as an urgent wake up call to stop their greedy profiteering ways or be prepared to pack up and leave the trade for good.

LK Western Food @ Jln Air Itam traffic light junction

The long haired never sweaty bartendress is such an eyeful who revells in wearing skimpy clothing as she works her nuts off to give you a nice blend of her erm sweet juices.
You'll never notice her attire if she were to firmly stand behind the counter.But since she really needs to let everyone know she's got some goods in all the right places,hence she will step out every now and then into the spotlight and allow all and sundry to admire her svelte sexy figure like this were a Brazilian beach hut bar.
She can be so sizzling that as you take a gulp of your bubble cha,you'll notice your parched throat welcomes the heavenly waterfall gushing down to cool down your overheated insides.
Doesn't matter if the menu shows that the drinks SHOULD come in proper glasses when in actual fact it arrives firmly wrapped like a tight condom waiting to be popped open what with Miss Copacobana strutting her butt in front of you.
Even as us women cannot seem to take our eyes off while we inspect her from head to toe trying to find an inch of fat or some fault somewhere rather unsuccessfully,we notice two miang mechanic/internet addicts freaks sipping their cha peculiarly in an obessively slowed down pace only to quickly finish up when she calls it a day.
As we breathe a sigh of relief,what with miss sex bomb gone,our mushroom soup comes and to our surprise,we find it quite agreeable.(Update:.on a second visit,we found the soup to be inconsistent,so not recommended either)
Spirits up,we look forward to the main course (we ordered a set you see).Of course the first thing we attack are the fries.These are good.
Next to the meats.Frankly speaking,this is done up as badass as the "western food in the chinese temple at mount erksine".The grills are terrible,as if dipped in cornflour just before grilling and the chops are super crunchy hard.Freshness is there,but it just doesn't taste right.In fact I would label their main courses as a total failure.
To make matters worse,they decided to combine a strange concoction of black pepper sauce together with mushroom sauce vomitted on top of your dish .
Please,if you ever decide to come here,just come here for the temptress,the airconditioned environment,the pleasant drinks and some small snacks.
If the main course was worth it,we wouldn't have minded the $100 bill nor would this outlet have ended up on this page for the whole world to see.