First they tempt you via advertisement slots in various newspapers bearing picturesque photo compositions baited with discounts.Sometimes they send out leaflets cum vouchers to various shopping complexes for customers to pick up and ponder.Also they do team up with various cards one might hold.
Next they seem to have made quite a good impression on reviewers and hence are featured every now and then with most giving them the thumbs up.
I dined here once last millenium when they had the longest buffet line gimmick coinciding with their privilege membership drive.The walk was fun going from one cooking station to the next.Kids really had a ball here since they could take a dip in the pool watched with amusement and pride as their respective parents dined contentedly.But the food as far as I remembered was really really really ordinary.
With CNY holidays coming to an end and the last of our entire clan finally here after a flight misadventure,my dear mama took out a newspaper clipping and said since we could get great savings and all of her grandkids could have some fun fun fun at the Kokonut Club,she wanted to come here.
So here I go again pouring my woes out to you the reader.
When we stepped up to the entrance I immediately got a huge headache.
What?Looking up at the ceiling you will notice fan after fan after fan swirling as if everyone's life depended on it.
"Open air-no air cond-ala hardrock lobby-dining concept-even golden sands copied-to save cost again???"
Sheesh.What a bummer.Be prepared to sweat till it stains your armpit jacket.
However as we trooped in,we were pleasantly surprised by the buffet setting.The lighting was nice,spacing was pretty good,food shimmered and beckoned to all.We settled in happily before going for the attack.
Wow.For that price the choices were indeed gargantuan.There were mussels,prawns,eel,octopus,chilli crabs,fish,crepes,soups,tartlets,a chocolate fountain,pastas,pies,nuggets,fries,ice cream,a carving station,chicken,yee sang,sushi,salads,crumbles,breads,the list goes on.Everything just looked oh so delectable.Impressive!
Floated to heaven only to crash down to earth because it was just cosmetic.
Let me start with the leg of lamb roast.It was baaaaa-land plus no care had been taken to ensure that it be kept warm thus coaxing that icky crumbly fat to come out and leave a film of grease on your lips.
The charcoal grilled skewered chicken wings had a hot sauce marination that could not hide the blackened bones underneath.
CKT (yea they even had CKT)came in a huge KL style chewy texture in a portion enough to feed a family huddled in a room on seventh street for 2 days.Bleagh!
Thank goodness no one ventured towards the koay kak counter that featured crabsticks as an attraction.Why would they,considering the hot plate was never smoking and the dish though fried in the open wafted no smell as one passed by.
Morever the chilli crabs did not absorb the sauces they were cooked in which tells me that perhaps they have been defrosted and then popped into the freezer again thus draining the crustacean of any flavour so expected of our local species.
The sushi counter was a huge mess.It was wet and sloppily piled as if some fisherman had just ditched his catch in his hurry to use the bathroom upon landing.Raw fish displayed this way is a sure fire way to cultivating various bacteria from your gut to your brains.
The mussels and prawns are kept cold on a bed of ice so that you are so turned off that you tend to take and eat less thus saving them more.Italian meatballs might as well have been renamed tasteless meat lookalike flour balls.
Stay away from the dessert counter cos it looks better than it's bite.The tiny temptations have been made ala maxim bakery-pasar malam cake style meaning heavy use of margarine involved.The chocolate tastes like cheap,really cheap chocolate.Like Ding Dang breadman chocolate.Of course that turned me off dipping any fruit or candy in the chocolate fountain too.Big ugh.
I like beans but not half cooked and so old that when you chomp you fill your cavities with floss like fibres.Some chef needs to seek a reeducation in marketing tips.
The ice cream buffet is Baskins Robbins.Me anti Baskin Robbins.It gives me goosebumps.I hate the taste,and am the last person on earth who will wait every 2 months to throng the outlet for a discount on the 31st.In fact I won't even eat it even if it were free.
At the so called Kids Corner bearing a picture of Sponge Bob that maniacal sea creature,is a very kid unsafe feature called a coffee machine that will leave even the adults puzzled.Do watch your kids here.Take note that the coffee selection flicks to and fro like a jackpot.Alternating like a Tanjong Rambutan test patients have to decide between "Strong aroma" and "Decaf".There is no stop button and no instructions.Only pictures to test your IQ and EQ.
This is where you will find Mr Universe type men panicking when the two outlets never stop flowing.Those that triumphantly get their selection right will cry for their mothers to come to their rescue and stop the wastage.
As if that was not enough,and since we are on the subject of kids,they sent in a clown to entertain the kids.At first we were relieved that this fella is there to distract them from turning their finger foods into a food fight.Then we find out that he blows balloons only to sculpt them into swords.Fine.Except he's not really good at other shapes except for swords.Any request for a poodle will turn up a half mutt that looks like bubbling fart.Still fine.After that,the boys AND girls will start testing out their swords.
This is when you need to have an ambulance ready outside in case of heart attacks or choking diners.The little angels will start chasing each other around like barbarians on the loose until "BBBAAAAAANNNNNGGGG!!!" no it wasn't a bomb,it wasn't a firecracker but the great inflatable sword that just burst.This repeats itself countlessly as long as the clown is there to serve the brats.One day I tell you some adult will slam that miserable blue haired smurf into the ice cream bin.
So what did I end up liking on this pathetic sojourn?
Their Chicken pie,mushroom soup,alfalfa sprouts(which you can purchase from Jusco),japanese style sweet octopus(which is standard Japanese restaurant fare),green olives and black olives(which you can buy from tesco).
Ended the meal looking like I had walked in Gurney Drive at 12noon which led me to refresh myself in the washroom.
Returned to our table smelling like a strange mix between St Gregory's spa massage oil and Dettol because while they installed an aromatherapy burner on the sink counter,they also mopped the floor with a strong dose of disinfectant.
Next they seem to have made quite a good impression on reviewers and hence are featured every now and then with most giving them the thumbs up.
I dined here once last millenium when they had the longest buffet line gimmick coinciding with their privilege membership drive.The walk was fun going from one cooking station to the next.Kids really had a ball here since they could take a dip in the pool watched with amusement and pride as their respective parents dined contentedly.But the food as far as I remembered was really really really ordinary.
With CNY holidays coming to an end and the last of our entire clan finally here after a flight misadventure,my dear mama took out a newspaper clipping and said since we could get great savings and all of her grandkids could have some fun fun fun at the Kokonut Club,she wanted to come here.
So here I go again pouring my woes out to you the reader.
When we stepped up to the entrance I immediately got a huge headache.
What?Looking up at the ceiling you will notice fan after fan after fan swirling as if everyone's life depended on it.
"Open air-no air cond-ala hardrock lobby-dining concept-even golden sands copied-to save cost again???"
Sheesh.What a bummer.Be prepared to sweat till it stains your armpit jacket.
However as we trooped in,we were pleasantly surprised by the buffet setting.The lighting was nice,spacing was pretty good,food shimmered and beckoned to all.We settled in happily before going for the attack.
Wow.For that price the choices were indeed gargantuan.There were mussels,prawns,eel,octopus,chilli crabs,fish,crepes,soups,tartlets,a chocolate fountain,pastas,pies,nuggets,fries,ice cream,a carving station,chicken,yee sang,sushi,salads,crumbles,breads,the list goes on.Everything just looked oh so delectable.Impressive!
Floated to heaven only to crash down to earth because it was just cosmetic.
Let me start with the leg of lamb roast.It was baaaaa-land plus no care had been taken to ensure that it be kept warm thus coaxing that icky crumbly fat to come out and leave a film of grease on your lips.
The charcoal grilled skewered chicken wings had a hot sauce marination that could not hide the blackened bones underneath.
CKT (yea they even had CKT)came in a huge KL style chewy texture in a portion enough to feed a family huddled in a room on seventh street for 2 days.Bleagh!
Thank goodness no one ventured towards the koay kak counter that featured crabsticks as an attraction.Why would they,considering the hot plate was never smoking and the dish though fried in the open wafted no smell as one passed by.
Morever the chilli crabs did not absorb the sauces they were cooked in which tells me that perhaps they have been defrosted and then popped into the freezer again thus draining the crustacean of any flavour so expected of our local species.
The sushi counter was a huge mess.It was wet and sloppily piled as if some fisherman had just ditched his catch in his hurry to use the bathroom upon landing.Raw fish displayed this way is a sure fire way to cultivating various bacteria from your gut to your brains.
The mussels and prawns are kept cold on a bed of ice so that you are so turned off that you tend to take and eat less thus saving them more.Italian meatballs might as well have been renamed tasteless meat lookalike flour balls.
Stay away from the dessert counter cos it looks better than it's bite.The tiny temptations have been made ala maxim bakery-pasar malam cake style meaning heavy use of margarine involved.The chocolate tastes like cheap,really cheap chocolate.Like Ding Dang breadman chocolate.Of course that turned me off dipping any fruit or candy in the chocolate fountain too.Big ugh.
I like beans but not half cooked and so old that when you chomp you fill your cavities with floss like fibres.Some chef needs to seek a reeducation in marketing tips.
The ice cream buffet is Baskins Robbins.Me anti Baskin Robbins.It gives me goosebumps.I hate the taste,and am the last person on earth who will wait every 2 months to throng the outlet for a discount on the 31st.In fact I won't even eat it even if it were free.
At the so called Kids Corner bearing a picture of Sponge Bob that maniacal sea creature,is a very kid unsafe feature called a coffee machine that will leave even the adults puzzled.Do watch your kids here.Take note that the coffee selection flicks to and fro like a jackpot.Alternating like a Tanjong Rambutan test patients have to decide between "Strong aroma" and "Decaf".There is no stop button and no instructions.Only pictures to test your IQ and EQ.
This is where you will find Mr Universe type men panicking when the two outlets never stop flowing.Those that triumphantly get their selection right will cry for their mothers to come to their rescue and stop the wastage.
As if that was not enough,and since we are on the subject of kids,they sent in a clown to entertain the kids.At first we were relieved that this fella is there to distract them from turning their finger foods into a food fight.Then we find out that he blows balloons only to sculpt them into swords.Fine.Except he's not really good at other shapes except for swords.Any request for a poodle will turn up a half mutt that looks like bubbling fart.Still fine.After that,the boys AND girls will start testing out their swords.
This is when you need to have an ambulance ready outside in case of heart attacks or choking diners.The little angels will start chasing each other around like barbarians on the loose until "BBBAAAAAANNNNNGGGG!!!" no it wasn't a bomb,it wasn't a firecracker but the great inflatable sword that just burst.This repeats itself countlessly as long as the clown is there to serve the brats.One day I tell you some adult will slam that miserable blue haired smurf into the ice cream bin.
So what did I end up liking on this pathetic sojourn?
Their Chicken pie,mushroom soup,alfalfa sprouts(which you can purchase from Jusco),japanese style sweet octopus(which is standard Japanese restaurant fare),green olives and black olives(which you can buy from tesco).
Ended the meal looking like I had walked in Gurney Drive at 12noon which led me to refresh myself in the washroom.
Returned to our table smelling like a strange mix between St Gregory's spa massage oil and Dettol because while they installed an aromatherapy burner on the sink counter,they also mopped the floor with a strong dose of disinfectant.
