Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Malaysiabest.my - Swindling case


4 chinese restaurant operators have pointblank accused 2 writers Edmund and Jonathan, from www.malaysiabest.my  of swindling them of $20,000 for a non existent  best restaurant competition.

The duo had supposedly convinced the proprietors that their respective restaurants had been chosen to take part in a " Best Restaurant" competition. The money was for registration and advertising purposes.

When there was no development forthcoming and they failed to contact the duo, the four went to the MCA.
And the MCA found another 9 operators who had also suffered the same 'fate'.

The duo has denied cheating them however .
Probably they will state that this is the 'standard charges' in exchange for ' a good review'. 

The claim of them being swindled is highly argumentative unless something in black and white was signed.

Chances are they will get away like most crook writers do. Highly unlikely that bluffing or misleading, will ever be made a criminal offence unless you sue them.
Such unscrupulous writers all come with a bagful of stupid excuses ranging from 
  1. " this is entirely my own opinion" ( if that were so why are ads blinking on your site?)
  2. " everyone has different prefences" (yet anyone who says it is borhochiak gets censored )
  3. " I pay for all my meals " (but how come your reviews are looking nicer but tasting lousier?)
  4. " no msg " ( this category should never be given the licence to write)
  5. " one man's meat another man's poison" ( but how come almost everything you recommend tastes like poison?)
  6. " can't please everyone " ( either your tastebuds died or you just chew and swallow like a 90 year old )
or whatever bullshit they can think of next

What this whole episode really means is, if the food ain't good and the bloggers or reviewers wax lyrical about it or the place ,they were probably paid a bundle to tell readers beautiful lies with highly photoshopped pics to make something inedible look appetizing and desirable.

Which is what this blog is all about in the first place since I USED TO BE (no more) a reader of such notorious blogs and mainstream media postings.
These pariah writers truly deserve what's coming to them for conjuring such incredible lies , expecting to get paid for it ,with such bloated heads they fantastically begin to believe they are an adulated authority on Malaysian cuisine we all love terribly ( pumped up statistics aside), when they're really delusional greedy cheats.And that's the bottomline .

Read the link from Harian Metro
http://www.hmetro.com.my/articles/Tauke__8216_restoranterbaik__8217_terpedaya/Article

Monday, August 27, 2012

Hui Lau Shan @ Gurney Plaza


I haven't tried their outlets in Singapore or Kay El but judging from what I have just had in Gurney Plaza, this is like a ciplak/celup Hui Lau Shan that will never measure up to the ones sold in HK. The mangoes taste diluted, flat, mushy, squashed.

It's like comparing thai durians to Balik Pulau ones. You get my drift ? One is royalty feted around the world, the other a commoner whom nobody gives a shit about .

Thai mangoes lack the robust, juicy sweetness and firm smoothness that slips across your tongue and gives you an eye opening revelation. The fact that they are put on top of pulut and have salty coconut milk poured on top for added flavour pretty much sums up how awfully bland they really taste.

What really bugs me is how come the franchise holder was allowed to substitute the mango species used in Hong Kong with Thai mangoes ? Due to cost?

What they use in HK can make you sprout wings and sing a song. What they give you here makes you shrug your shoulders and bury your head under a rock for wasting ringgits on a money making excuse for a franchise.

The result is a very weak, unflavourful cup of mush that tastes like a pale shadow of what made them famous in the first place. Something more creative and colourful than a Thai roadside fair.That's it. Something different to talk about. And that's about all.

Look I'm not going to waste more time typing. If you want to know what made them famous in the first place, you have to make The Trip to The Original birthplace for The Real taste of awesomeness that makes The Brand.




Friday, August 24, 2012

Last bowl of Hokkien Mee @ Hwa Pin, Church Street


Did you fall for this today? Did you rush there as soon as you could ?It didn't only make the newspapers,radio stations apparently also helped blow their trumpet for them. If you are guilty, please take a conical hat and stand in the far corner.

No one has ever heard of them before today.

Ok, I'll be more reasonable. I mean we knew that the kopitiam existed , just that we ALSO KNOW that nothing within a few hundred metres radius of that area can be considered delicious with the exception of one ckt stall and one cheap nasi lemak bungkus seller .
But because of some genius publicity gimmick (which worked ! ) lots of blind sheep not wanting to miss out on "The Last Bowl for the Last Time" bowl of hokkien mee stupidly flocked here today.

Veteran hokkien mee connoiseurs disbelievingly rolled their eyes upwards in exasperation,smacked their foreheads before clutching their stomachs laughing so hard till their bellies ached,upon hearing tales of extremely desperate measures adopted by 'sucktomers'

By 3pm (when the dust has settled) if you dared breathe a word about the "ai kee New York liao" hokkien mee seller, you would have been chastised with a really loud "mana oo ho liao ??"

A sellout on the last day of its existence to sponsor the husband and wife's trip to NY city in style. At the rate crazy people poured in, I am sure they could now upgrade to First Class because they apparently sold out by 11.30pm. So clever.

If the general consensus before was borhochiak, today the most asked question was " why on earth did you go ?" because the rumour was that his business was on par with where the current seventh month visitors come from .

Blame it on impulsively naive reporting ( or bribed or wicked depending on how you looked at it) if you ate there and were made a resident laughing stock of by better informed gourmands. 

A most memorable feat in which the stallowners can proudly brag on how they went out with a Bang ! But if I were them, I'd stay hush hush....because what they really managed to do was accumulate a lot of NEW....CONFUSED....ANGRY.... customers today,who drew two fingers to blast their brains out for being so incredibly guillible.


Friday, August 17, 2012

Terrace Cafe @ Penang Holiday Inn


Dear manager,

Did you know that many of your local female staff are pyscho split personality cases ?There is so much backstabbing, blame game and finger pointing being played out in full view of us diners, shouting and yelling because they think we are blur foreigners that I kind of lost my appetite because I could understand every word spewed.

Do you know that the men tried to calm them down but failed miserably each time because you seem to have hired a clan of alpha misfits ? At one point I thought I had enrolled for Survivor Batu Ferringhi.

Your female staff wish us good morning with a nice sweet smile and proceed to 'hammer' other skirt wearing colleagues of theirs with vile words and mean faces .

Please control them because I fear they will really fly off the leash one day and when that fateful day comes, you can have a shrieking face off with flying keropok and splattering gulais. If I were you I'd pray really, really hard you don't have an anonymous blogger lurking around behind a flower pot somewhere.

I won't be attending because what I witnessed was repulsive enough for me to loose my appetite although your buffet spreads are kind of not bad except for the shitty sausages,inedible hams and cheap cordials masquerading as fruit juices. You also need to know that your coffees are insanely weak and awfully bad.

The waitresses were drifting between good hostess straight out of a catalogue and tough badasses who kept on having to fend off attacks from various camps within that rather nice and beautiful coffeehouse quarter .

Leaves a bad aftertaste because I am local...neither was I born deaf. Please do something because I have never felt so jittery while eating before in my life.

It felt as if your hotel were on the verge of some samseng ladies war.

I think even the menfolk are affected to a certain extent ,shaking in their knickers....all this posturing,growling and scowling .... I can't exactly put my finger on it but you seriously need to get rid of the rot.

If I were you, I'd fire all of them and put the next potential candidates through a fool proof objective personality test to weed out minah rempit tendencies.


Midnight Chap Fan Tong @ Perak Road


The women that run this place had are extremely loud and downright unwomenly. Past their prime and gone south they look as if they were yellow sia boey trash.They sit like gangsters, stare like Yakuzas and talk like mafias.With one leg up on the chair, groin region exposed wide and two eyes on you. Their offspring tags along to keep them company, these currently look nice but I know its just a matter of time before they emulate the horrific syndrome....

And because of this they dare open shop after midnight when most men have locked their doors three times, checked it twice more and lay shivering under a thin sarong.

Some people rave about their food. But me thinks it's because they belong to the keongsi clan of chinese manchurian vampires that like to hop around in a long pigtail looking for elusive things at ghoulish hours . Drained of blood me also thinks that because they are so desperate for a bite other than nasi kandar, such a discovery compells them to leave their tastebuds and better judgement out in the clogged longkang .

While I admit that their curries and gulais are quite spicy although terribly watered down , that's where it ends.

Due to the fact that these females are of the barbaric kind, they are absolutely hopeless at cooking wimpy vegetables .One taste and you'll wish you were never born a human. I think even cows would protest,unless they like the veg half cooked and tasting like an old couch.The recipe is not Chinese in origin. It is from Pluto. It must be. I don't know any other Chinese that are so bad at cooking plain Chinese style vegetables apart from new and hopeless Myanmar recruits.

They also like their swine smelly and hard (read too lazy and kiamsap to use more gas to cook longer). Pork sold here is gross. Good for checking out facial and anal muscles you never even knew existed.

Did I mention that it is NOT cheap? Yep believe it.Can beat the most greedy mamak's pricing even.

If you're disgusted by such women avoid at all costs.
It's probably one of the reasons why the sheer mention of the word Jelutong struck some pockets of our menfolk spineless .

 

San Cafe char koay teow @ New Lane aka Lorong Baru (night)


Last time, this kopitiam used to sell pirated CD's. Now they sell pirated char koay teow with a recipe copied from the Straits of Uganda for all I care.

The thing is when you see the two frying stations with big stainless steel suckers in front of the shop, it looks like a dead serious professional business with lots of serious fans (that is if they're still alive and kicking).
And the chef makes a good first impression as a pro ckt wok shaker and mover until it dawns upon you that he's just very clever at acting like a very good ckt seller who's incorporated some 'feeling' and gets emo around a kuali.

All around this cafe, are tables with the word ckt on it.
So you probably will be fooled into thinking that hey, maybe this is the real deal eh ?

Wrong !

The cockles are so rotten you might contract hepatitis from a to z and beyond upon contact
The ckt is so dead pan dry, you might think that they piled the ckt on a plate and whacked it like they just saw an army of cockroaches doing an auntie line dance on top.
What you get is a very nice, nerdily flat and lembik flaccid penis like annihilated organ belonging to some used to be alive roadkill presented to you on an offensive plate of what resembles degenerating ckt six feet under.
It's totally not worth it, it's outrageously expensive (wow they really got balls for this) and ALL the tong sui drinks they ever dare to serve here totally sucks.
They give you a bowl where they even put grains that give you a migraine with a lump of barley that has fermented and stuck together to form a mini meteorite so you can shoot to the moon in the privacy of your toilet cubicle for less than a billion dollars.

If you eat here you need to gather all the holy books you own, get all the bomohs and shamans to form a protective force field around you to keep you from puking or turning into a lump of fizzled from the inside bak.

No.1 for looking like a genuine ckt when it is actually pirated ckt. Penang is doomed.